Hello BHW. I don't know where to begin or even what to write. I'm at a point in my life where I've come to contemplate ending it all. It's very sad and pathetic but yes I've thought of it a lot lately. I was born to parents who were not married to each other. My dad was married and my mom was a young single girl attracted to a relatively rich older man. I was basically a big accident as a result of two people having some casual fun affair. As a result I never lived with either parents until well into my teens. I spend my childhood being shipped amongst relatives. As a result, I've become this very introverted young man with no friends because I don't know how to relate to them. I've alignated myself from my sibblings and relatives. I now live with two people I called my friends who ended up forging my signature and using my checkbook to withdraw money from my account. Now that's just a brief background to my upbringing. There's a lot more to it but that's just a brief outline. I'm 26 now and have made big mistakes along the way that I regret a lot today. First of all, I graduated highschool with great grades. I then went to college but left after first year. I returned to college two more times since then but left both after first years. In all three cases, My introvert nature and my inablitlity to relate to friends made me left. I never felt like I belonged there. I then even got admission to a university in the USA and on the day of the visa appointment, I never turned up for the interview. This was because I couldn't put together all the documents I needed because I was counting on my friends' help with the documents. They couldn't deliver and I couldn't book another appointment cos what I had was an emergency appointment and you couldn't make another one for 6months. In early 2006, I started promoting livejasmin cams. Now I just run a ppv ad campaign and sent to traffic straight to livejasmin. It turned out to be very lucrative for me. I was spending $600/month on ads and making $2500+ average a month including the ad money. Now this was a very good return on investment for me and a very good income in the country I come from. Many top executives here wouldn't command a salary of more than $2000/month. I kept it like this for almost a year. I was satisfied with what I was making so I was just lazilly spending the money as it came in and doing nothing since everything was on autopilot. Livejasmin pays me, money goes into my epassporte account, ad company takes their monthly $600, and the cycle just went on. So one day, the ppv ad company just stopped my ads and said they no longer send traffic to livejasmin and I'm not allowed to continue bidding on my keywords because they've developed a special relationship with livejasmin. Yeah you know which ppv company I'm talking aobut. They didn't just stop my campaign at once. First the ads stopped converting even though it was same traffic nothing had changed. Yes still, I made over $30000 with livejasmin. Then I descovered the ebay affiliate program in 2007. I signed up with CJ and used USA as my country. That was the only way I could get into the Ebay affiliate program. I got into it and wrote to CJ to change my country because I was moving to a new country. It worked. At that time too, when you change your country, your advertisers don't automatically expire as they do now. So I set myself up to start promoting ebay. I did basically what I was doing with livejasmin. I created a ppv campaign and bid on ebay keywords and the ebay url itsefl and specific bages in ebay. It was an instant sucess. I was spending $800/month on ads and was averaging $8000/month in commissions. I even made $15000+ in December 2007. It was a really bewildering experience for me. I was making way more than I'd ever dreamed of and it was all 100% effortless. I had grown to be very lazy because the money was simply coming in without a hassle. It was an unbelievable income for this part of the world. CJ was always putting my account on hold for compliance investigation. They never had anything on me execpt that they didn't know how I was driving traffic so I'll just bitch and get paid in the end. I made over $80000 during my time promoting ebay. I used the same strategy and made aobut another $7000+ from Amazon before I was caught and my account closed on more than 3 occassions. CJ paid me everything though the last two months earnings became a protracted case but I was eventually paid the $26000 for the last two months. I promoted ebay for about 8months before I got an email from cj that ebay was terminating their partnership with me. I didn't cared cos I had money to spend. I had never imagined in my dreams I'll have all that money. I wanted to buy a house with the money but I kept spending the money on girls and electronics and partying. As I said I am a very big introvert so the money was what gave me confidence to be with girls and it was the only thing that made me had a girlfriend. I rented a new place for my girlfriend, paid her college tuition which was about $5000/year and gave her monthly allowances. I bought a used car for about $7000 and moved out of my dad's place to rent my own place. I liked the solitude of my own apartment so I wouldn't be dealing with many people on a dailly basis. A few months later, my gf and I broke up. She was actually 5yrs older than me and she had met this lawyer who promised to marry her so I was history. I loved her so much so I gave her $5000 as a parting gift. At this point I had virtually no income. I was only leaving on what I had made before. I was spending on average $2500/month. I was happy and enjoying life. Then in january this year, I had to move to a new apartment because the rent on the old one was too expensive. So I moved and I still had my internet connection. Now I'm paying $100/month for internet connection. A very slow one too. Things are very expensive here. a gallon of gas is over $5 here. I then met another girl whom I fell totally in love with. She lived in another city so it was going to be a LDR. I wanted to see her often so I'll travel to her every other week and stay in a hotel for 4nights on average. I'll give her money anytime I went to see her. I signed up for bhw in may this year when I realised I was soon going to run out of money and needed to start making money again. I haven't really made anything since then. All I've managed to do was get one ewhore ad to stick and got about 150+ responses and made $40 with CU. The biggest block in my path right now is not having a paypal account and my desire to make money quick. Back when I was making money with livejasmin and ebay, it was effortless and there was really no what involved. The only work involved was cashing the check. I don't have paypal and therefore can't buy a lot of the tools needed to get back in the game. I can't buy PVA's or proxies becaues all the people selling them accept paypal. I don't have a CC so that also is not an option. Leaving in my country really sucks. Now I've read enough here to make money but most of the ones that don't involve using CL and CPA's are methods that need patience and hard work. I haven't been accepted by any good cpa program because my country is a high risk country. CJ has closed my account since the ebay incident. Now I'm almost completely broke. All I have left to live on is $200 and my internet connection expires at the end of this month. My rent runs for just over a year from now. I don't have any friends and I can't go asking for family help because they don't have and I've alignated myself from them. My girlfriend has left me heart broken cos she's left now that I'm broke. I sold my car long ago and don't really have much assets left. I have shares in two companies valued at about $1500 together which will take at least 6months to sell because nobody buys shares on the stock market here. My situation right now is, I'm totally broke, have an internet connection that will expire in two weeks (I will uese $100 from the money I have to extend it for four more weeks). I eat once a day now and have lost a lot of weight because of that. I have nobody I can turn to. My girlfriend have left me and I'm very lonely. I will be out of cash very soon. I'm very emotionally disturbed. I can't get a job here because even with a university degree, it's extremely difficult to get a job. I know that because my brother recently spend 3yrs hunting for a job that paid him $200/month even though he is a chemical engineer. Life here is so difficult now. I see no light at the end of the tunnel and I've contemplated ending it all. I don't need anyone to have sympathy on me since I caused everything I'm going through now. Not completing college, not having enough sence to increase my ad spending when it was bringing in so much, and not putting the money I was making to good use. And not descovering this website earlier. I want someone who can put me to work or go into JV with. Also I live in a country where you can get away with spamming so if you know how to make money spamming and you live in the states and are afraid of getting cuaght, I can go into a JV with you. I just need something I can get by with for the next year or so whiles I build my long term income sources. Any help will be very much appreciated. I can do some work for you in exchange for CL PVAs or Proxies. I need a sturdy $600 - $800+ a month whiles I build my LT income. I know this has been a long post but if you can help, I'll appreciate it. And if anyone know how I can get paypal account fo non paypal country, please let me know. I'm desperate now and these dark thoughts have been crossing my mind a lot lately.