My client asked me if I can speed up Googles algorithm update.

Faisal Mirza

Faisal Mirza

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really wish I was kidding. At this point I know some of you are going to think I'm making this up.

So I'll just say it. Yes this sounds crazy. I promise it's true.

My client sent me a message: "Hello our rankings went down after the update. Can you do something about it?"

I explained that Google's algorithm update is something that just happens. You have to wait for things to settle down. You cannot rush Google.

My client said: "Can you at least call Google and ask them to hurry up?"

Call someone at Google.

I do not have a phone number for Google.

I do not even have a phone number for Google.

I told my client I will send an email to Larry Page and see what I can do.

My client said: "Okay let me know what happens."

He actually thought I was serious.

Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of kids who own businesses.

What's the most ridiculous thing a client has asked you to fix when you have zero control over it?

I'm really curious to know what other people have to deal with. Drop your stories below.
 
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Sounds like just another day at the office to be honest.

One time client gave me an earful that there are no rankings, after he himself implemented site-wide noindex tag.
 
Faisal Mirza said:
really wish I was kidding. At this point I know some of you are going to think I'm making this up.

So I'll just say it. Yes this sounds crazy. I promise it's true.

My client sent me a message: "Hello our rankings went down after the update. Can you do something about it?"

I explained that Google's algorithm update is something that just happens. You have to wait for things to settle down. You cannot rush Google.

My client said: "Can you at least call Google and ask them to hurry up?"

Call someone at Google.

I do not have a phone number for Google.

I do not even have a phone number for Google.

I told my client I will send an email to Larry Page and see what I can do.

My client said: "Okay let me know what happens."

He actually thought I was serious.

Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of kids who own businesses.

What's the most ridiculous thing a client has asked you to fix when you have zero control over it?

I'm really curious to know what other people have to deal with. Drop your stories below.
Click to expand...
Updates are all the time, you should tell him new update is comming we just call them... :D
 
You are funny to be honest, but situations like this are why client communication matters as much as SEO itself. Sometimes the best move is setting expectations early and keeping updates simple so they don’t panic every time Google sneezes. You handled it better than most would.
 
ads studio said:
You are funny to be honest, but situations like this are why client communication matters as much as SEO itself. Sometimes the best move is setting expectations early and keeping updates simple so they don’t panic every time Google sneezes. You handled it better than most would.
Click to expand...
Appreciate that man.

You're absolutely right though. Most of this job isn't even link building anymore. It's babysitting adult clients and explaining that Google doesn't have a customer support hotline. :)

I've learned to set expectations hard from day one now. "Rankings will go up. Rankings will go down. I will not call Google for you."

What's your script for keeping clients calm during updates? I need to steal it.
 
Zakhej said:
Updates are all the time, you should tell him new update is comming we just call them... :D
Click to expand...
Lmaooo don't give me ideas.:D

"Sir good news, I called Google. They said a new update is coming next week to fix the last one."

He'd probably ask me what time exactly so he can watch it happen.

Some clients really think SEO is like ordering pizza. "Yeah can I get an update at 3pm? Thanks."
 
Solid wish.

I also wish the same sometimes.

Google sometimes play with us.
Let us know the response of your call to Google.
 
Faisal Mirza said:
really wish I was kidding. At this point I know some of you are going to think I'm making this up.

So I'll just say it. Yes this sounds crazy. I promise it's true.

My client sent me a message: "Hello our rankings went down after the update. Can you do something about it?"

I explained that Google's algorithm update is something that just happens. You have to wait for things to settle down. You cannot rush Google.

My client said: "Can you at least call Google and ask them to hurry up?"

Call someone at Google.

I do not have a phone number for Google.

I do not even have a phone number for Google.

I told my client I will send an email to Larry Page and see what I can do.

My client said: "Okay let me know what happens."

He actually thought I was serious.

Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of kids who own businesses.

What's the most ridiculous thing a client has asked you to fix when you have zero control over it?

I'm really curious to know what other people have to deal with. Drop your stories below.
Click to expand...
This is due to lack of knowledge from client side, you have to educate to client that it's based on recent searches, and meanwhile you have to change your seo according to google updates.
 
Thanks God , he didn't asked you to get his ranking back in 1 day by sending email to Google CEO.
 
Faisal Mirza said:
really wish I was kidding. At this point I know some of you are going to think I'm making this up.

So I'll just say it. Yes this sounds crazy. I promise it's true.

My client sent me a message: "Hello our rankings went down after the update. Can you do something about it?"

I explained that Google's algorithm update is something that just happens. You have to wait for things to settle down. You cannot rush Google.

My client said: "Can you at least call Google and ask them to hurry up?"

Call someone at Google.

I do not have a phone number for Google.

I do not even have a phone number for Google.

I told my client I will send an email to Larry Page and see what I can do.

My client said: "Okay let me know what happens."

He actually thought I was serious.

Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of kids who own businesses.

What's the most ridiculous thing a client has asked you to fix when you have zero control over it?

I'm really curious to know what other people have to deal with. Drop your stories below.
Click to expand...
That sinero has happened to me before
 
Clients sometimes think SEO works like paid ads where everything can be controlled instantly. The best thing is usually educating them algorithm updates take time and recovery depends on improving quality, relevance, and trust signals, not speeding up Google itself
 
Not making this up either — had a client email me at 11pm in a full panic because his site "disappeared from Google." I checked everything. Indexing fine, rankings fine. Turned out he was searching his exact brand name… on Bing. On his work laptop that defaulted to Bing. Site was ranking #1 on Google the whole time.

Another one wanted me to "make the website go viral by Friday" because he'd already told his investors it would. No budget for ads. No content. Just vibes and a deadline.

My personal favorite: a client who asked me to "add more SEO to the homepage." Not keywords, not content — just… more SEO. Like it's a topping.

You're right that it feels like babysitting sometimes. I've started keeping a little doc of these — half to stay sane, half because one day it's becoming a blog post

The "call Google and tell them to hurry" one is elite though. Genuinely curious what Larry said back.
 
Man that's wild but honestly typical for these people, I once had a guy ask me to delete a bad review from a site I didn't even own because he thought seo meant I had admin access to the whole web, just charge him for the extra stress and wait for the update to blow over.
 
I know Larry Page well. Good friend of mine; I'll ask him later today when I meet him a Starbucks
 
Next time, send him a screenshot of a fake email confirmation from "[email protected]" saying: "Hey man, received your note. Working on a manual fix for your client's plumbing website right now. Tell him my bad. - Larry"
 
Clients often ask difficult or unrealistic questions because they are genuinely concerned about ranking losses, traffic declines, or the financial impact on their business. In many cases, such questions come from stress and uncertainty rather than a lack of understanding.

A professional approach is not to dismiss or ridicule those concerns, but to respond with clarity, reassurance, and honesty. Calmly explaining that algorithm updates cannot be controlled directly, while outlining the practical steps being taken to improve site quality and long-term stability, usually creates far more trust and confidence.

Professional communication becomes especially important during periods of volatility. Respectful handling of client concerns not only strengthens relationships but also reflects maturity, credibility, and long-term professionalism within the industry.
 
Faisal Mirza said:
really wish I was kidding. At this point I know some of you are going to think I'm making this up.

So I'll just say it. Yes this sounds crazy. I promise it's true.

My client sent me a message: "Hello our rankings went down after the update. Can you do something about it?"

I explained that Google's algorithm update is something that just happens. You have to wait for things to settle down. You cannot rush Google.

My client said: "Can you at least call Google and ask them to hurry up?"

Call someone at Google.

I do not have a phone number for Google.

I do not even have a phone number for Google.

I told my client I will send an email to Larry Page and see what I can do.

My client said: "Okay let me know what happens."

He actually thought I was serious.

Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of kids who own businesses.

What's the most ridiculous thing a client has asked you to fix when you have zero control over it?

I'm really curious to know what other people have to deal with. Drop your stories below.
Click to expand...
Can you ask google to put us back on page 1?’ is probably the SEO version of ‘have you tried turning it off and on again.’ Some clients really think Google has a customer support hotline for rankings.
 
Those are don't understand the reality of the current scenario, Just explain hope ready to understand.

Because everybody doesn't know everything.
 
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