3. use header referrer or something
I think this is where the cheating site uses the header referrer to check for google,yahoo,msnbots, and nofollow all the links in the exchange link page once the script detects a bot.
To counter this, you can fake your header as a googlebot itself, to visit your link partners, to see if they are cheating you.
I don't know of the faking method personally, but there is an(a few actually) extension in Firefox that does this, faking your header when visiting sites.
Hope other more knowledgable than me will chime in for this.
Urban