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Jokes

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by xxxaff, Aug 19, 2011.

  1. xxxaff

    xxxaff Junior Member

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    I will start the thread and hope that it will not be trolled. Please just post jokes. Not stuff like " i already knew that one"... So here is my joke
    -----------------------------------------

    Guy goes to the doctor to get a physical check
    Doctor says " you have to stop masturbating"
    Guy asks "Why?"
    Doctor says " cos i'm trying to give you a physical.​
     
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  2. euhero

    euhero Regular Member

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    i dont get it. sorry :(
     
  3. ivo1017

    ivo1017 Regular Member

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    Viagra Coffee

    This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked
    out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said,
    "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I
    can increase my husband's sex drive."
    The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
    The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when
    he has a headache," she claimed.
    "Well," the doctor continued, "let me suggest something. Crush the
    Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the
    coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."
    The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
    Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor
    asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
    "How did it go?" the doctor asked.
    "Terribly, doctor, terribly."
    "Did it not work?"
    "Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up
    and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love
    on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."
    "Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
    "Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."
     
  4. mission

    mission Newbie

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    I've just been diagnosed with colour blindness. Well, that came out of the purple...
     
  5. mission

    mission Newbie

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    went to a fight the other day.............a football match broke out:)
     
  6. axcer

    axcer Regular Member

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    Well, There was a man who died before he was born!
     
  7. SSL9000J

    SSL9000J Regular Member

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    A guy goes to the doctor...
    "Doctor," he says, "I have a terrible problem with gas."
    Doctor says "okay, we'll just..."
    "You don't understand," the guy interrupts, "I'm always passing silent but deadly gas."
    Doctor says "right, um, it's not really anything..."
    "But doctor, I silently pass gas all day long."
    Doctor says "yes, I understand, we'll just..."
    "I just pass horrible silent gas, and I can't control it!"
    Doctor says "right, I get it, now just..."
    "In fact, doctor, I've silently passed gas no less than five times since I walked in this very room."

    The doctor finally stands up and yells "Well the first thing I'm gonna do is give you a fuckin hearing test!"
     
  8. xxxaff

    xxxaff Junior Member

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    A like a bit of dark humor... I'm translating this joke, but I hope it will have the same effect.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A nice and happy guy was coming, after receiving a raise, from work and at his place notices some 2 guys trying to fit two big wooden boxes in the elevator. He was this helpful fellow... so he jumped to try and help them. He keep the door open for them, he helped them to move the boxes. And he asked:
    - what floor are you going to?
    reply: 8th
    - hah! :) i'm going at the same floor. Are you going to the Johnson's? I don't think they are home...
    reply: No. We're going to the Smiths...
    - hah! me too... I mean... I am mr. Smith...
    reply: Sir, we're brought your kids from summer camp.
     
  9. Mokodoki

    Mokodoki Regular Member

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    A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at
    the same time."

    She said, "You have a bigger dick than all of your friends."
     
  10. suki888

    suki888 Registered Member

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    why i didnt see them in Mcdonald's?lol
     
  11. KamBhai

    KamBhai Power Member

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    Why should we believe in GOD?
    Because there are some Questions which cannot be answered by Google. :)
     
  12. MrKennedy

    MrKennedy Newbie

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    What's red and screams a lot?



    A skinned baby dipped in a bag of salt.