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Jokes :)

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by noob411, Aug 10, 2009.

  1. noob411

    noob411 Junior Member

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    Occupation:
    Feeding my wallet
    Location:
    Palm Bay, Florida
    A very very bad man died, he was at gates of heaven, the angel said in order for you to enter heaven you have 3 options and before him were three doors.
    He opened the first door and saw a man hanging upside down being whipped.
    He opened the second door and saw a man lying down being whipped.
    He opened the third door and saw a man in a chair getting a blow job by a beautiful blonde.
    He didn't hesitate and chose the third door..... then the angel said ok blondie your time is up you can now go to heaven.....
     
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  2. onetoo3com

    onetoo3com Registered Member

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    IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?

    IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?

    IF - YOUR BATH WATER HAD BEEN RUN?

    IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS OR PETS?

    IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU,

    WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?

    SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?

    [​IMG]

    Well . . . HELLOOooo ! ! ! ! !

    [​IMG]
    YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG FUCKIN' HOUSE ! !
     
  3. turner

    turner Registered Member

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    My girlfriend always insists on turning off the lights when we make love.

    It doesn't really bother me, but it's the hiding that seems so cruel.




    Two Irish couples agree to swap partners for the night.

    After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says to Murphy....

    "I wonder how the women are getting on!"




    A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I'm looking for a job."

    The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, uniform provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year."

    The scouser said, "You're bullshitting me!"

    The man behind the counter replied, "Well, you bloody started it."




    This blind frog was hopping through the woods when he bumped into a blind rabbit. "Sorry," said the frog, "but I'm blind. I didn't see you."
    "That's quite alright," said the rabbit, "I'm blind too, whatever you are."
    "I don't know what I am," said the frog, "but I've got an idea. I'll touch you all over and then I'll be able to tell you what you are, and then you can do the same for me." The rabbit agrees, and so the frog feels his way about the rabbit. He concludes, "You are furry, you have floppy ears and also a fluffy tail. I think you're a rabbit."
    "Cool!" says the rabbit. "I've always wanted to be a rabbit."
    The rabbit returns the favour, touching the frog all over. After a moment he says, "Well, you're short, you're slimy and you've got a grin from ear to ear. I reckon you're a Scouser."