1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Jokes on You

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by bushinonasake, Jul 29, 2013.

  1. bushinonasake

    bushinonasake BANNED BANNED

    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    152
    Feel free to post some jokes of your own. :)

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

    "I'm going down to give blood."

    "How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

    "About $20."

    "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

    The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

    "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

    "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2013
  2. bushinonasake

    bushinonasake BANNED BANNED

    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    152
    Joe asked God, "How much is a penny worth in Heaven?"

    God replied, "$1 million."

    Joe asked, "How long is a minute in Heaven?"

    God said, "1 million years."

    Joe asked for a penny.

    God said, "Sure, in a minute."
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  3. Gogol

    Gogol Elite Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    3,245
    Likes Received:
    2,939
    Gender:
    Male
    No money for dead sperm, as she might have found out :p
     
  4. umerjutt00

    umerjutt00 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2011
    Messages:
    3,792
    Likes Received:
    2,024
    Occupation:
    Ninja
  5. bushinonasake

    bushinonasake BANNED BANNED

    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    152
    A dying man gives each of his best friends -- a lawyer, doctor and clergyman -- an envelope containing $25,000 in cash to be placed in his coffin.

    A week later the man dies and the friends each place an envelope in the coffin. Several months later, the clergyman confesses that he only put $10,000 in the envelope and sent the rest to a mission in South America.

    The doctor confesses that his envelope had only $8,000 because he donated to a medical charity.

    The lawyer is outraged, "I am the only one who kept my promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained my own personal check for the entire $25,000."
     
  6. bushinonasake

    bushinonasake BANNED BANNED

    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    152
    A little old lady walks into the Bank of Canada with a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the president of the bank.

    She tells the bank president that she has accumulated several hundred thousand dollars over the years and would like to open a trust in the bank.

    The president is curious, so he asks her, "Where did you get all this money?" The old lady replies, "I make bets."

    The president then asks, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

    The old woman says, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

    "Ha!" laughs the president, "That's ridiculous -- you can never win that kind of bet!"

    The old lady challenges, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

    "Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

    The little old lady says, "OK. I'll bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10 a.m. as a witness, and we'll see."

    The next morning, the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. "OK," she says, "Time to drop your pants and settle this bet."

    The president complies. The little old lady peers closely at his balls and asks if she could feel them. "Well, OK," says the bank president, "since there's so much money on the line."

    Just then, the lawyer starts banging his head against the wall. The president asks the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

    She replies, "I bet him $50,000 that at 10 a.m. today, I'd have the president of the Bank of Canada's balls in my hand."
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  7. bushinonasake

    bushinonasake BANNED BANNED

    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    152
    News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive 8.1, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.

    It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

    The Contraceptive 8.1 suite consists of three products: Condom 2013, DeFetus 3.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 5.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 10.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive 8.1 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive 8.1 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.

    While Contraceptive 8.1 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.

    OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package.

    At installation, the Condom 2013 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One precaution is that the user must be sure they have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your partner.

    DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.

    CONCLUSION: Contraceptive 8.1 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply and Onboard Camera.

    Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic that "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years."
     
  8. Gogol

    Gogol Elite Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    3,245
    Likes Received:
    2,939
    Gender:
    Male
    Slowly but surely, it's becoming a joke...thread..
     
  9. bushinonasake

    bushinonasake BANNED BANNED

    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    152
    These are actually SEO Articles for sale. 1.00 for 100 words. LOL. :) Waiting for my contacts to log-in. Might as well post something. :)

     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  10. qrazy

    qrazy Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2012
    Messages:
    1,115
    Likes Received:
    1,722
    Location:
    Banana Republic
    oh really[​IMG]??



     
  11. Gogol

    Gogol Elite Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    3,245
    Likes Received:
    2,939
    Gender:
    Male
    LOol this one is better :p
     
  12. Gogol

    Gogol Elite Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    3,245
    Likes Received:
    2,939
    Gender:
    Male
    Wow you wanna mean you sold ur dead sperm? :eek:

    // Silence is golden



     
  13. Rezoti

    Rezoti Newbie

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    didn't get this one, can anyone explain.

    Edit: lol, got it, a check ?
     
  14. qrazy

    qrazy Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2012
    Messages:
    1,115
    Likes Received:
    1,722
    Location:
    Banana Republic
    oh no, I mean I was amazed by your discovery :p


     
  15. Gogol

    Gogol Elite Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    3,245
    Likes Received:
    2,939
    Gender:
    Male
    Okay better :p