I'm Sad And Need Hugs

I had the best day. I was excited all day because I was selling jewelry left and right. Then someone on facebook said they were selling some things from Ikea, and as life sometimes gets odd, one of the things they were selling was the same stool that Techxan was looking for. I bursted out crying. I miss him so much. It's hitting me now that I can't talk to him ever again.

Its weird how those coincidental things happen. Buts that's what they are, coincidental. I feel for you, you obviously had a good connection with him. I cant offer anything that will make you feel better, im a typical useless man when it comes to consoling people, especially women.

But in time it will become easier. Hang in there.

I didnt know Techxan all that well, but whenever i came across one of his threads i made sure to read them. He was one of the most informative and helpful members on BHW.

When i saw the thread by rabbitking, i visited Techxan's profile and left a short message in the 'Visitor messages' section on his profile as a mark of respect. Maybe you would like to leave your own also. I dunno, maybe it will help a little.

Hawkster said:

But in time it will become easier. Hang in there.

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It's very true. Time makes a difference to everything in life. It was so sad to hear this news and I feel for your loss.

BHW is a family and it's this family who will help to support you through times such as these.

Shez

It is sad when a BHW member passes away.

Techxan's son said that Techxan was a HUGE fan of BHW.
I am glad he enjoyed his time here. He was a great guy.

A funeral is a big step in the grieving process and you don't get that. Maybe we should hold a little BHW event to help the people that were close to him through the grieving process.

I spent hours looking for that stool when he wanted it. It was nowhere to be found. How bizarre that it popped up today. Maybe it was Tex's way of saying "I see you sold a lot of jewelry today. Way to go." We always shared our good days. We also shared our secrets when we hit on something that worked well. I was so busy working because of the holiday shopping season and I hadn't talked to him in two or so weeks. We never went that long without talking to each other. Now I feel guilty.

Death is a horrible, terrifying, empty, black hole. It triggers somewhat of an emotional holocaust in those closest to the deceased.

But remember, light could never exist without the darkness. Or happiness without pain.

I know this will do nothing to ease your sadness, and I don't believe in the cliche "time heals all", but I do believe in time, that black void... those memories - will morph into something that inspires you. Inspires you to appreciate your short time on this world. To not take things for granted. To remember what is truly important in this world. Family, friends, the relationships and memories we share with these people.

I was at my uncles funeral on Sunday. Wasn't very close to him but I'll tell you what, when I saw him in the casket, his wife kiss him on the forehead, when I heard her say "good bye pete", then collapse and whale about, the finality of it all .... struck me like a black lightning bolt straight to my heart.

I cried. I disassociated myself. Some type of innate, survival mechanism to "escape". But what happened next was I became her. I visualized myself standing there in her position... and in the coffin was my mother.... then it changed to my father. And I wondered "how on Earth will I ever have the strength to get through what she is going through right now?

And I don't know how I'll do it. I don't know how you'll do it. I don't know how Techxans family will do it. I don't know how anyone does it. It's just something, most I should say - do. We move on.

I also love this saying, not verbatim but out of my head: "The length and breadth of our grief is in no way a measure of the love we shared with deceased". It reminds us that the deceased would never want us to suffer over them. To remember? YES. But to suffer? NO. They would want us to be strong and move on. To remember all the good memories.

I will leave off with 1 of my favorite poems about death...

It came to me the other day:
Were I to die, no one would say,
?Oh, what a shame! So young, so full
Of promise ? depths unplumbable!?
Instead, a shrug and tearless eyes
Will greet my overdue demise;
The wide response will be, I know,
?I thought he died a while ago.?
For life?s a shabby subterfuge,
And death is real, and dark, and huge.
The shock of it will register
Nowhere but where it will occur.

-John Updike

I want to share this with everyone. I don't think Tex would mind. I think now that he is gone, he would get a kick out of everyone being so proud of him. He was soooooo excited when this radio interview aired. He said he couldn't wait to tell me and wanted to share it with me first. At around 28:55, the person talks about his "web guy" who got him to the top of google. The web guy was Tex. He also got other jobs because of that interview and he was so excited! http://www.kprcradio.com/media/podc...s/home-cents-lifestyle-hour-1-101814-25446873

He was a good guy and will be missed. I didn't have too much personal interaction with him, just the odd PM but he was a valued presence on the forum and deserved the respect he had earnt.

W130SN said:

He was a good guy and will be missed. I didn't have too much personal interaction with him, just the odd PM but he was a valued presence on the forum and deserved the respect he had earnt.

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W130SN, he liked you a lot. He knew that you are one of the people on bhw who is dear to me, and he would say that he liked you a lot.

redrubies said:

W130SN, he liked you a lot. He knew that you are one of the people on bhw who is dear to me, and he would say that he liked you a lot.

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Everybody likes Willson.

redrubies said:

W130SN, he liked you a lot. He knew that you are one of the people on bhw who is dear to me, and he would say that he liked you a lot.

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Thank you for saying that, I regret that I hadn't gotten to know him better. I had always meant too.
It is only when people are gone, that it hits home just how precious time is, and that we should make the most of it.

I still have the stool in my house that I was going to ship to him. We made arrangements for shipping and stuff and now every time I look at it, even though I didn't know him personally, I am still in disbelief and feel sad. Just with the few PMs we exchanged was enough to show me this was a good man.

Dakarois said:

I still have the stool in my house that I was going to ship to him. We made arrangements for shipping and stuff and now every time I look at it, even though I didn't know him personally, I am still in disbelief and feel sad. Just with the few PMs we exchanged was enough to show me this was a good man.

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Do you want me to send his son a message on facebook and ask if his wife wants it? Maybe if I tell her the story of the stool, it will bring her comfort to know that her husband wanted to get it for her. She may cherish it as the last thing he gave her. But I understand if you want to keep it as a memory of him.

redrubies said:

Do you want me to send his son a message on facebook and ask if his wife wants it? Maybe if I tell her the story of the stool, it will bring her comfort to know that her husband wanted to get it for her. She may cherish it as the last thing he gave her. But I understand if you want to keep it as a memory of him.

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Oh most definitely, i will be glad to send it to her

Dakarois said:

Oh most definitely, i will be glad to send it to her

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Okay, I will send him a message and let you know what he says. I hope he sees the message because it is going to go in his Other folder.

Respect to Techxan. Great guy and wonderful helpful.

He'll be missed.

In my family at least, we believe that when a loved one departs, someone, not just a single person, who he was very close to gets a sign coming mysteriously as if from "heaven" saying in a way, that yes, the departed soul was and is still connected to you, and that we meet again someday and in a better place, and forever. It is a sign that suggests that there is life after death, and the loss is not a loss after all.

The phenomenon happens within a few days after the 'death', and it is a way of saying "am going, but not forever, dear one"... It is a part of the heart that he is leaving behind for you... A part that was happy when you shared a time together and which now wants to say how much it is appreciated by that soul. It is never a final goodbye, but only a 'away but will meet again' kind of promise, backed by some super conscious presence to show that the phenomenon is real and is meant to assure you that the connection of the two souls is never broken even after the death of the other person...

And here is a group hug to you from all those who are close to you in this world ((((( RR )))))... I feel happy that you both could make the Creator happy and could make him smile the way HE wanted it... Believe, and smile.

There is indeed a bond with a promise of reunion in a lot better place, and in divinity! Physics has limitations, but metaphysics has none. The phenomenon you watched comes from there.... IMO. The grief will last its duration, because it is limited in nature, but the union of all souls is eternal. Send him some flowers from the garden within, it will make him smile. Really...

Srb888, I really felt like the stool was a sign from him. I know some people will think that's silly, but it's what I felt.

There are things that are supposed to look silly to the physical world, but they aren't. They are some of the best things that could happen to you, and their mysterious sweetness shall last forever. They have a special meaning to itself and are created for a very special event as an 'heavenly' assurance to you alone... Disregard what the outer world has to say...

redrubies said:

Srb888, I really felt like the stool was a sign from him. I know some people will think that's silly, but it's what I felt.

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Such things have happened in my lifetime, and on many occasions... I guess that I too was connected to some really good people when they were in this world, and they cared to leave a personal and a very touching and beautiful message for me, after they had to leave 'forever', that I have not been left alone by them and to be sad without them...