I need a certain script

Hey all. I am willing to pay someone who can create a certain script for me. The script must do this...

...automatically force a click (pay per click) on everyone who visits my web site. First, it must quickly force the click (which will be my pay per click affiliate link) on all of my web site visitors without them noticing anything, obviously, haha! Second, after the click is forced without anything being shown to my web site visitors, my visitors must be re-directed to my actual real web site which will be my squeeze page or my video.

I am willing to pay for this service. Thank you!

When the user visits my page, my web site, I want them redirected on the same window.