Love, before I left to go on meditation retreat, my master stressed the importance of creating a container...a barrier seperating me from lay people because of the amount of chaos that could arise from practicing tantra while engaged in every day life. Like a fool, I didn't listen. I wanted to be there for my grandmother to ease her pain while at the same time cultivate essential nature. Everything started getting harder. From the fucking second I arrived. I mean everything - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. On a DAILY basis the pressure grew. I started wondering what the f*ck was going on and why were things getting so crazy. I kept up with my daily gratitude prayers and meditations but I kind of burned up by the end. The main problem was always the container. For some reason, people started getting drawn to me like crazy and heaping their problems on me. People would talk to me....well actually more like confess to me things that should never be spoken about. Murder, massive corruption, etc... as if I was some kind of conduit through which they could speak to each other...some way to find absolution...because these people are unable to speak to one another. They are unable to simply find peace in BEING in the moment. But the truth is, on some level I kind of liked the attention and the added responsibility..but it was a great hindrance to my practice. At times I felt like my practice was simply being in the hell of the situation, as if I was getting tested/pushed at every stage. Anyway, I'm back home but this time I want a more peaceful and quiet place away from people to practice. Even if I have to live in a cave in some mountain, I need to be far away. On the plus side I really did grow quite a lot. I seem to have developed some kind of telepathic bond with creatures haha. My uncle was wondering why the fuck bugs, rats, snakes, etc... were coming out of the woodwork around me lol like I was cursed. Anyway, I'm just gong to relax a bit before starting back up (tomorrow).