I am lost

I'm lost
I know this is not a forum about relationships and consolation, but about blackhat. I identify with myself because I have been active on the Internet for as long as I can remember. I learned a lot from here, and I also try to pass it on. I love you guys and I need your word, advice, I don't know how to call it.


I'm 21. I have been working on the internet since I was 14. First pennies, now large amounts. I'm not going to sell anything - so I'll say - indeed, in 2020 I made ~ $ 300,000. Generally, no one except my family knows how much I have on my account, even the girl knew that I earn a lot, but no specific amounts. I even kept a work journal in a local forum in my country, but I was done because writing about such amounts equals writing from your friends "and how do you do it" "will you teach me?" etc etc. Sick shit.


I am with my girlfriend for 5 years. As you can see my age, you probably think: HOW THE FUCK. That's what everyone thought, "perfect relationship", "no quarrels" etc. etc.

She's been very strange for a month now. He has a high school diploma this year, she studies very often. We always slept together, almost every day (we don't live together). Now? No, because she is studying, but I am OK with that.

A week ago we had an honest conversation. She said it was bothering her; that I doesn't respect her; that there were many times when she was silent when I did something. And ok. I'm not a saint, there were some stupid things on my part (for example, during a party I took a picture with another girl, etc.) I won't go into details, because it's not worth it. But she stated that there were a lot of such situations in 5 years, and she was silent. However, she did not provide specific examples, only that there were a lot of them.


I apologized, even a tear flew because there were some sick actions, but I never cheated on her, never flirted with another, nothing like that. I have always been 100% faithful to her, ALWAYS.

Yesterday I came to her and noticed that she is so quiet that she wants to go to sleep right away, and I asked what the fuck is going on.


She said she felt it was more of a habit than a feeling. That we just do something every day, see each other and that's it. I replied that there is a pandemic and everything is closed, what should we do? I always try to take care of her to make her happy. And suddenly she said, "We'll either try to rebuild it or leave it as it is." Shock. Heart to throat.
It is not the end.

"I just don't want to lose you and hurt you." So? What do you think about it? What does it mean?

Then on a walk, continuing the conversation, she said she felt a little restricted. That he has a problem meeting new people. That, for example, while she is in a relationship with me, she would not come to the table and meet some men. Get it? Here I already got a headshot. She said "maybe she must fly out of the nest." That she lacks the same passion as at the beginning. That it hasn't been working out for a month (worst of all, I haven't noticed anything changed in the course of this month).

She has started smoking quite a lot recently. E-cigarette, but she always despised.


A million thoughts. Is it that she is bored of this relationship? Is she fed up with me? Or maybe he has someone?


I'm fucked up. I am lost. I had a great life, I started planning my engagement, buying an apartment. 5 years. 5 years from my teen life.


I couldn't sleep today. I woke up sweating after 2 hours with a headache. I have not eaten for long time. What should I do? Fuck, I'm silly asking here on the forum, but I feel that there are good people here.

Edit: huge thanks if you read it, it means for me a lot

Anybody? Any thoughts?

Let her go
You have plenty of time, you will find better

"Then on a walk, continuing the conversation, she said she felt a little restricted. That he has a problem meeting new people. That, for example, while she is in a relationship with me, she would not come to the table and meet some men. Get it? Here I already got a headshot. She said "maybe she must fly out of the nest.""

This is exactly how my last relationship ended. If stuff like this give you headaches, end it now or else you'll do it sooner or later..

she is young and so are you

Blackhat Lifter said:

"Then on a walk, continuing the conversation, she said she felt a little restricted. That he has a problem meeting new people. That, for example, while she is in a relationship with me, she would not come to the table and meet some men. Get it? Here I already got a headshot. She said "maybe she must fly out of the nest.""

This is exactly how my last relationship ended. If stuff like this give you headaches, end it now or else you'll do it sooner or later..

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Thanks, appreciate your reply man, as always.
It just sounds like she needs contact with other guys. I don't fucking know.

kvvni said:

Thanks, appreciate your reply man, as always.
It just sounds like she needs contact with other guys. I don't fucking know.

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Yes, that's how it ended for me. She told me she hates many guys around her area. Yet she was texting those exact guys and Snapchatting with them 24 hours a day. Daily headaches like these isn't worth a relationship. You've made 300k at this young age in one year. Scale this up, partner up with other companies, and you'll walk into someone who earns your attention one day.

Blackhat Lifter said:

Yes, that's how it ended for me. She told me she hates many guys around her area. Yet she was texting those exact guys and Snapchatting with them 24 hours a day. Stuff like this isn't worth worrying about. You've made 300k at this young age in one year. Scale this up, partner up with other companies, and you'll walk into someone who earns your attention one day.

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Wise words man!

Better meet in a calm place and explain how much important she is for the rest of the life
"meeting new ppl" means kind of unable to give time for friends to hangout
So better involve building socials around with her friends

You are young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Finish it and focus on yourself. Love will come.

Honestly, it sounds like you should take the advice of @Blackhat Lifter. You are young enough to not have wasted those years, but any more from here on may be a waste.

Blackhat Lifter said:

Yes, that's how it ended for me. She told me she hates many guys around her area. Yet she was texting those exact guys and Snapchatting with them 24 hours a day. Daily headaches like these isn't worth a relationship. You've made 300k at this young age in one year. Scale this up, partner up with other companies, and you'll walk into someone who earns your attention one day.

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" Sir Should be Banned "
it just improved my mood, lol. Yeah basically I had some problems with her snapchat (for example one guy send her an abs in mirror, she exited snapchat asap to have no replay and then she "blocked" him but after months she went into blocked list and there were no one) but in general her snapchat seems like she isn't snapping with anyone, same with instagram. Or she hides something, but how...

kvvni said:

" Sir Should be Banned "
it just improved my mood, lol. Yeah basically I had some problems with her snapchat (for example one guy send her an abs in mirror, she exited snapchat asap to have no replay and then she "blocked" him but after months she went into blocked list and there were no one) but in general her snapchat seems like she isn't snapping with anyone, same with instagram. Or she hides something, but how...

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Oh man, Snapchat is one of the worst trust-destroying apps out there. I was the same age as you are now when all of this happened, and I'm glad I ended it there. The quick exits of the apps on a phone when she doesn't see you approaching her are the worst.

Thanks to @BassTrackerBoats for that wonderful title

Sounds like she wants to break up. You better prepare yourself mentally for that. And trust me this is not the end of the world. Just let her go instead of forcing her to be in this relationship.

With time you'll be happier again. Just keep yourself busy with work or just go travel whenever possible.

I am 20 right now,What happened with you at 21 happened with me when I was 18.What I simply did was let it go and never looking back anytime at her.Now I don't really care whatever the fuck she does or whom she hangs out with,This was my feeling after just one month of the Breakup lol.

But trust me it's hard to just let things go so easily,Because I have been there.Give yourself some weeks and everything will be back to normal.

Don't make any stupid mistakes and give it some time.

Its useless stalking who your partner talks to and who she doesn't. If the feelings aren't there anymore it's time to move on. You will meet plenty of girls and like @Blackhat Lifter said someone will earn your affection one day.

When I was about your age I was in same kind of situation with my teenage love. Later she came out that she had cheated when we still were together and it was emotion rollercoaster.

I still remember her, but now I know I was drunk on hormones lol. You will meet others.

I was often an adviser to my friends on such matters, I always said "this flower is half the world", that it will work out somehow, that you will be happy, etc., but I cannot imagine it now. 1/4 of my life spent with her.

You're 21, man. You do a great job, you will be very successful and you have many, many life adventures ahead. You wouldn't be happy to settle with the girl with whom you are together since you were 16. Sooner or later you will find there's more to learn, to try, to experience. I presume she is ralizing that now. That's why she act wierd. She is looking for an excuse to end it. You should do it as well. Don't try to fix it, you will just lose time and nerves. Trust me, I am 41 and had almost the same situation when I was 20. Maybe she is cheating on you, or thinking about that. But, don't got me wrong, it's really normal
at that age after 5 years of relationship. To be honest; I've had a lot of girlfriends, some for a night, some for much longer. I've found the perfect one when I was 30. I've been married for 10 years and have twins. Since I was 20 until I met her, I was really living a life. Big time. I travelled around the world, met many beautiful girls and had crazy experiences from Tokyo to Paris. You should do it too. You have money, you have good life, go and enjoy it.

eislamov said:

You're 21, man. You do a great job, you will be very successful and you have many, many life adventures ahead. You wouldn't be happy to settle with the girl with whom you are together since you were 16. Sooner or later you will find there's more to learn, to try, to experience. I presume she is ralizing that now. That's why she act wierd. She is looking for an excuse to end it. You should do it as well. Don't try to fix it, you will just lose time and nerves. Trust me, I am 41 and had almost the same situation when I was 20. Maybe she is cheating on you, or thinking about that. But, don't got me wrong, it's really normal
at that age after 5 years of relationship. To be honest; I've had a lot of girlfriends, some for a night, some for much longer. I've found the perfect one when I was 30. I've been married for 10 years and have twins. Since I was 20 until I met her, I was really living a life. Big time. I travelled around the world, met many beautiful girls and had crazy experiences from Tokyo to Paris. You should do it too. You have money, you have good life, go and enjoy it.

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I felt better after reading it. Really. Thanks for taking the time to read and write back to everyone.