How Would You Dump a Friend?

stharthjw6j

stharthjw6j

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I wrote a long sociological thread about the concept of debates and their legitimacy, it got removed because it mentioned a certain event I won't highlight here, but anyway those who saw the thread might remember the story about my friend's penchant for having any passing conversational comment that differs from his position, have him turn into this competitive and growing emotional firecracker to be handled with kid-gloves. Well I've decided to remove that negative element and won't be around him anymore. Really, he's 33 years old and emotionally under developed, a very toxic presence.

So what would you do if he has your home phone number and everything else? The dude is gonna call and I can only say I'm washing my hair so many times. Would you flatly tell someone you don't want to be their friend anymore? I guess not, how do you "phase someone out" seamlessly?
 
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Don't make excuses. Just be straight with him, and get on with your life.
 
Why don't you just tell him what you wrote above? That you can't tolerate this kind of attitude anymore and if he doesn't change or at least try to change, he & you will have one friend less to care about. If he understands, good, if not, he'll know why you're ignoring him and eventually will stop contacting you.
 
ignore calls, tell them you are busy every time they want to arrange something and they will get the message.

Or go for the direct approach and just tell them that you don't feel like you get on that well with them - say its nothing personal and nothing against them, you just feel like oyu dont have enough things in common with each other.
 
I've cut people out of my life before. Not often, and it takes something pretty serious for me to do it, but when it happens I just stop all contact.

If they've done something serious enough for me to sever ties, I have no interest in their thoughts about it, I just have nothing more to do with them.

Having said that, your situation with this friend sounds a little different - more like his attitude and abrasiveness is getting too much.

If that were a friend of mine, I think I would have a conversation with him about it and explain my thoughts and feelings openly - and see where that conversation goes.

From what you've said about him though, I imagine that conversation would lead to him behaving in exactly the way that's causing the problem.

But that's his choice - if you discuss it with him calmly and evenly, his reaction is his own choice.

Maybe try that and let his reaction guide you as to whether to cut him off or not?
 
I had a toxic little scumbag who used to call himself a friend of mine. Took advantage of everything, was never there to help or offer anything back, not even lend a hand when I fell very very sick. When times were hard he simply disappeared. I finally decided the guy was a bat, a blood sucking time stealing bat.

One day when I finally had enough of his shit I told him straight up: you're rotten fruit. I shook my friendship tree and you fell. Goodbye.
 
Life would be easy with one of these study-shows-facebook-unfriending-often-has-offline-consequences0.jpg

Thanks for the ideas peeps, I think I'll give him the last chance to change talk. I expect more of the same though, finishing in a "good then fuck off, oh no he's saying he'll part ways with me, what terror" possibly finishing with a parting push or drink thrown, but at least I'll have given him the chance.
 
bartosimpsonio said:
I had a toxic little scumbag who used to call himself a friend of mine. Took advantage of everything, was never there to help or offer anything back, not even lend a hand when I fell very very sick. When times were hard he simply disappeared. I finally decided the guy was a bat, a blood sucking time stealing bat.

One day when I finally had enough of his shit I told him straight up: you're rotten fruit. I shook my friendship tree and you fell. Goodbye.
Click to expand...

That describes him well too, yeah I don't know why he's still around. Life is too short for energy suckers like that. I probably won't even give him the last chance talk actually, he won't change his deeply set behavior for me, I'll cut my losses now.
 
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Be straight with him and it`s up to you if you`ll give him the chance to change or not. But as you said, life`s too short...
 
Do you think he's even aware of his own behaviour when he becomes this firecracker?

Sometimes all it takes to get someone back on the right tracks is a little nudge, I've been there myself.

If it were me I'd be honest with him about how much of a "toxic presence" he can be and give him the chance to sort it out. That way he'll either learn to control that side of himself better or he'll lose a good friend that tried to help him do it.
 
I removed a friend of mine recently who used to be a really good friend of mine. But he was toxic too and showed me on many occasions that he is one of those people who want to see you down instead of you succeeding.

Since the issue was his character (as well as with your friend) there is nothing that can be fixed. The guy will always stay toxic. So there is nothing to talk about, in fact discussing such an issue with immature people will always create unneccssary drama and doesnt help anybody. So just break contact, dont answer his phone calls etc. People usually notice that if someone is not interested in them anymore, and usually they dont say nothing but move on.

If he calls you out on your behaviour, its on you whether you tell him the reason or not.
I would recommend you just to break contact, find some stupid excuses. I would suggest not unless you like drama in your life.
 
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For all the members who are in similar situtations: if you notice that a friend is really toxic to you, and not just has some minor flaws like everybody else, drop the friendship asap. Because being with them is just wasting time, energy and also self-respect (why are you spending timewith somebody who is bad for you?). I lost contact to many people in my life which I regret or miss, but the only thing I regret about this friend is that I didnt drop him earlier.
 
whatrat said:
That describes him well too, yeah I don't know why he's still around. Life is too short for energy suckers like that. I probably won't even give him the last chance talk actually, he won't change his deeply set behavior for me, I'll cut my losses now.
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That's exactly what I did. I also did not waste time explaining yadda yadda you did this and that. Fuck it.
 
Lend him money - you wouldn't hear of him again. You can treat it as an investment. :)
 
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