How to write convincing pitch line?

Promoting in a saturated niche like weightloss is already hard with so many competitor, but often I found "sale-ish" pitch doesn't convince customer to try out my affiliate product.

Maybe I'm not the best copywriter in the world, but would love to improve it, if you have any tips to write a killer pitch, please share

https://www.amazon.com/CA-HVERTISING-Ad-Agency-Psychology-Anything/dp/1601630328
https://charlesngo.com/copy-that-converts-copywriting-for-affiliate-marketing/
https://charlesngo.com/headlineformulas/

OP hire someone with expirence like @Jared255 or @FuryKyle