How to: Completely Simple-Darn simple SEO?

So say I have a website "fuckyouandevryone.com" and I want to do the ultra basic SEO for it. First time I made a website then I tried searching it on google (with no "site:") there we're no results. So I need a basic SEO checklist that would put me on top of search results everytime people search keywords lile "fuckyouandeveryone", "fuckyouandeveryone.com" "fuck you and everyone".

EDIT: Most resource on the net seems overkill, I just need a simple list, I don't want much competition.

on-page SEO: make sure your keyword appears in your article and meta descriptions....
off-page SEO: get a couple of backlinks if u can. Any kind, reddit, quora, comments, forums , articles whatevr...

Important: Create a sitemap and submit to search console...

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These should be more than enough to let know Google know you exist...and don't take more than 10 mins (except backlinks can take longer depending on how many u want).......

DevXM said:

on-page SEO: make sure your keyword appears in your article and meta descriptions....
off-page SEO: get a couple of backlinks if u can. Any kind, reddit, quora, comments, forums , articles whatevr...

Important: Create a sitemap and submit to search console...

-------
These should be more than enough to let know Google know you exist...and don't take more than 10 mins (except backlinks can take longer depending on how many u want).......

Click to expand...

DevXM said:

on-page SEO: make sure your keyword appears in your article and meta descriptions....
off-page SEO: get a couple of backlinks if u can. Any kind, reddit, quora, comments, forums , articles whatevr...

Important: Create a sitemap and submit to search console...

-------
These should be more than enough to let know Google know you exist...and don't take more than 10 mins (except backlinks can take longer depending on how many u want).......

Click to expand...

THANK YOU.

good content + onsite and offsite SEO is the key of getting huge traffic and rankings on google.