How do I improve this piece?

Jwick

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I want a couple of pointers and what to do and what to avoid when writing.

So this is something for a trial. I want to get better are writing.

Here's my piece.

Brilliance And Creativity Nurtured
Some College....

Welcome to Some College. We are the leading private school located somewhere on earth. Here we apply Montessori techniques of teaching. Our school has not only expertly skilled teachers but also very friendly and very down to earth individuals.


We focus on the student’s mental, emotional, and social aspects of development which is a crucial and a significant part involved in the student’s learning process. We take pride in providing the best in class education and environment for every student. We have meticulously designed our classroom in a way that promotes a better learning environment, while also being very relaxing with fully air-conditioned classrooms.


Our activities are created by Dr.Maria Montessori, the Italian Physician, to instill the students with the ability to make out their errors and to discover their true potential in their desired interests.
 
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What is the text for? If it's for an internal mission statement, it seems adequate. If it's for a promotional piece, the focus really should be on how the students benefit instead. There are a lot of sentences that start with personal pronouns, which places all the glory on the school.

JMHO
 
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