How do I get fired?

BigHustlah

BigHustlah

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So I have been blackhatting for about 6 or 7 months, and at the risk of sounding arrogant, I've gotten pretty good at it. I've carved out a decent income, about double what I make at my day job, and since I am at work all day, I am realistically only putting in an hour or two per day, into my blackhat efforts.

Whenever I take a 'sick' day, I get amazing amounts of work done; goals I have had for month get accomplished, and I find myself making strides towards further IM success.

Now, ever the blackhatter, I don't want to just 'quit' my job...I would rather get fired, and collect unemployment on top of my increased blackhat earnings. The problem is, I can't get fired for something ridiculous, like taking my pants off at work.

So far, this is what I have done to get fired:
Consistently late to work
Calling in sick more frequently
Longer lunches
Completely unenthusiastic about work, while I'm there
Tell 'customers' that I think they should go with our competition (blowing sales)
Missing meetings
Not completing company mandated training

And yet...they still keep me around. And honestly, I hate my job. So the sooner I get fired, the happier I will be. Any pointers?
 
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I KNOW!

TAKE A HUGE SHIT on your BOSS'S DESK!

...

lol-face.gif
 
Can you give a minimal information about what you doing as job? Try to loose a customer of the company that paid already or something like that
 
if you want to collect unemployment you better not be using your real SS# with any CPA or affiliate companies, otherwise you'll get hit with unemployment fraud.

and if you're not using your real SS# with CPA or affiliate companies you are risking tax evasion.

either one is not pretty if you get caught.
 
Start downloading alot of porn on work computers
 
If you are making good money PLEASE DON'T TAKE UNEMPLOYEMENT. I hate paying taxes that give checks to people that don't really need them, and I'm sure you feel the same. Theft is factored into all prices from Best Buy to your taxes - keep this in mind.
 
Shine said:
Start downloading alot of porn on work computers
Click to expand...

Best answer on this thread... :D

Ok...maybe this is:

If you are making good money PLEASE DON'T TAKE UNEMPLOYEMENT. I hate paying taxes that give checks to people that don't really need them.
Click to expand...
 
Be careful, because if they can prove they were justified in firing you, you won't get unemployment. This happened to me before. The employer proved that they were justified because of my job performance.

What kind of industry are you in?
 
What is unemployment, $300 a week? You make that in what.. once or twice a day? I'd rather not have to deal with having to waste my days going into that cruddy unemployment office and having to deal with "have you found a job yet?" questions. If you really want to get fired, come in drunk as piss and do dumb shit. Maybe send out ridiculous mass emails with all the staff attached to the message.
 
Questionable said:
If you are making good money PLEASE DON'T TAKE UNEMPLOYEMENT. I hate paying taxes that give checks to people that don't really need them, and I'm sure you feel the same. Theft is factored into all prices from Best Buy to your taxes - keep this in mind.
Click to expand...

I think all the welfare momma's with 6 kids and 4 baby daddies living in the projects or getting section 8 and food stamps is a bigger problem than a random guy here or there collecting unemployment and working under the table. plus employers pay for most of it in their unemployment insurance premiums.
 
An obviously pussified version would be: just don't show up for work. See how long they'll pay you.
I myself personally would probably enact quite a bit of office prankstery before I go, though, but I never really had a job, so I can't give you any real advice. I suggest watching the entire seasons of The Office as a start point. I'd just give them poisoned candy... no! wait... maybe some flowers that squirt in your face as you smell them...
 
Why not wear something unacceptable in your work place. Not something that you'd not wear around, just something completely wrong for your job.
 
Not a good or worthwhile ideal

1. If a company is justified in firing you, you will not receive unemployment

2. If you work for yourself or own your business the government still consider you employed/ having a job. So trying to receive unemployment is illegal for you.

3. There are a lot of people in this recession who really do need the money. Why make it harder for those who really do need it to survive? I don't mind for people who need unemployment to survive, but in your case I would hate paying taxes for people who don't need it and just burden the system.
 
Personally, I would send a Mass email to all the associates you work with trying to get them to do a CPA!

Hell if they don't fire you, you probably made some money and can do it again until you do get fired.
 
Tomorrow on lunch time, take a visit to your boss's spouse and bring her nice flowers and ask her if she wants to thank you in nature. That should work.

P.S. Of course, I am assuming that you are a male and so is your boss.

************

Another alternative, watch hardcore porn ( with speakers on please ) at work.


.
 
Just go to work and do IM related stuff the whole time.
 
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