How do I get an immaculate british bank account?

So I found my niche on the British market, but as I can currently only offer payment per paypal, I lose most of my potential customers. I need a British bank account for giropay and that kind of stuff.

I am German, in Germany, and I don't have the spare money to rent an apartment on the Isles, so getting a private bank account the usual way won't work. Does anyone know if getting a business account is possible if you don't have a branch office there? Or can you suggest any other way? I have a valid VAT ID (USt-IdNr.), if that helps. By the way, I will not implement any legal weakness in the crucial framework of my operations, so please don't waste your time with suggesting anything "blackhat" that is less than 100% waterproof or by offering me bank accounts of questionable origin. Good suggestions are very welcome. Thanks in advance!

I would suggest that you contact several UK banks and just ask them. Couldn't hurt to try.....

Well, I feel stupid now.