Help!

I wish I was trolling but unfortunately I'm not... I need to speak to a stranger that will listen, advice and not judge, someone who is both wise and smart at the same time, I'd like to talk on WhatsApp preferable due to the vn function because it's alot to talk about..

I'm very close to suicide, I doubt I'll make it past this month, yesterday I spent all day researching painlessethods and also watching videos of people's last moment before doing it, I'm no expert but I think I'm really close, I'm looking for any method besides the rope, the rope doesn't sit well with me.

I'm really sorry for coming with such negative energy, since mid last year everything has been downhill, I thought this year would be different, I've tried to fight, even quit sex,alchahol and other negative behaviors but I have lost the fight, I know some people will comment negatively here, that's the nature of some people I understand, some will think I'm trolling I know but unless you have walked in someone's shoes and felt they pain it's easy to judge, this is my last attempt at the universe, I didn't choose this life anyway so... I'm really sorry for this negative energy again, I really am

I feel suffocated by this pain, that's the closest thing to describe it...even last night I had Wierd dreams, sleeping is very hard and waking up is even harder.. it's a dark place, and I feel like there's no solution to it

There's a rainbow always after the rain. Don't be sorry. It's okay not to be okay. Just keep posting and updating. People don't seem to care but they do relate to you. Keep on living even if it's hard. We're proud of you for being brave in posting here.