help with sales letter...not a sales guy

I am emailing potential clients to try to land them as a web design client. Here is my draft sales letter. I'm not a sales guy, so it probably needs some work -- I want to keep it as short and to the point as possible.

FIRST NAME,

Are you interested in having your web site DOMAINNAME
redesigned?

I found your site while doing a Google search for local businesses
in the MY CITY NAME area. I live in MY CITY NAME and am a web
developer/designer of 15 years.

I can redesign and host your web site for a reasonable price. Basic
package starts at $500.

Click to expand...

Thanks for the input. I've only sent 2 emails, but have not heard back on either.

Terrible!

Sales letter should include things like, a problem that the person might have, the solution you have, benefits of using your service/product, social proof and call to action.



I can get 5 emails done for you for $5. They can be in series (i.e with follow up) or just 5 x 1 emails that introduces your service (this is good if you want to know which one converts best for you).

Check out my site:

www.moneysitecontent.com

http://www.moneysitecontent.com/how-to-use-money-site-content/

Volume, try 200+ and then see what response you get, put the recipient name in the subject line, try and find a problem with their site so that it looks as if you're trying to help and not just sell, offer a free homepage mockup, put your phone number and website portfolio/testimonial address in the email, don't put the price - negotiate. NOT "....of 15 years...." - that's bad syntax, try ".....with over 10 years experience....".

Good luck!

Don't mention the price in the mail, mentioning $500 would scare them off. Instead something like affordable cost and more description about their site and make them to reply to your email. Try to get the requirement when they reply and proceed from there.

Also add something like you came across their site when working for a project in the similar nature of business.

Never really too into account how bad you SEO guys are at writing =)As a content writer I would be willing to give it a shot if you like, the above post have substance never mention the price to entice curiosity and always re-send a follow up letter.