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Help me, I'm facing a horrible self-esteem problem

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by xrumering, Mar 18, 2013.

  1. xrumering

    xrumering BANNED BANNED

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    I HATE TO SAY THIS, BUT :

    I have a horrible problem, I can't concentrate, I can't work, I can't even think about anything but this freaking problem, it's killing me :sad2:

    I don't know what to call this, if I say simply, I'm trying to figure out what kind of person I want to become. I've got some problems with weight management and I think it's the main reason that lowers my self-esteem, not only this, it completely ruined my life. I lost faith in myself, I don't believe I can achieve something BIG, I have doubts all the time.

    So, here's what I wanted to talk about : all the time my thoughts are about how to figure out what kind of person I want to become, what kind of attributes I want to have, it's because I don't like them, I don't like myself the way I are.

    My thoughts : All my actions are wrong, I act wrong all the time, if I have to improve, how do I have to behave in this situation, in that situation, is that right, will it be OK? I'm afraid that if I take action and try to become a new person it won't be enough.

    I have two goals : lose some weight / make some money.

    I've already stared taking massive action, I'm training hard twice a day, working 8/hr daily on my projects but without any faith all the hope disappears, sometimes I think I'm done and I can't improve.... Shit, if you knew how I feel.

    But, I refuse to give up, I'm gonna make my way to success at any cost, I want to be a new person.

    Here's what I want to ask you : I think that all I do is wrong (it's not true I'm sure), if I work/train hard, improve everything that needs to be improved, will I be able to gain self-confidence ? I think that only action is useless (I think it's wrong), if I don't teach myself how to behave, how to act with friends/girls etc... I won't be able to improve finally.

    Other part of myself tells me that all this is WRONG and I only need to take action, every attribute I need will be gained thought work and training, tell me which one is right ?

    I doubt myself, I think I'm a wrong person, all that SHIT about law of attraction and books about success only made me suspecious towards myself.

    Answer me : Can I gain all the confidence and attributes while working hard ?! or I'll stay the same ?!

    How can I make all the bad feelings disappear ?

    Fuck, I'm like a child asking for candies, but I want to get rid of this fuckin feeling, it kills me!

    HOW DO I BECOME CONFIDENT?!

    Sorry for wasting your time, if I don't solve it, I'm done!

    I don't want to give up on myself, what's your advice?
     
  2. guvenor

    guvenor Junior Member

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    Look man, take a deep breath, give yourself a shake, and get on with it. Your wasting time writing essays about your feelings.
     
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  3. The Nix

    The Nix Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Confidence is within you.

    If you want to be happy and be confident, then you have to be happy with yourself. Like you mentioned, you're overweight, and you feel like you don't have the skills/attributes you want. The problem is with you.

    So what do you need to do? First of all, you must learn how to set your goals. You want to lose weight right? Then go for it! Just keep working hard. EXERCISE, DIET. Just keep going at it every single day. Once you start losing weight and slim down, you'll feel better every time you look in the mirror. And all of a sudden, you will find that confidence that you're looking for.

    As for your other goal? Making money? A guy with a fat wallet will surely be confident! So if you can make money while managing to get fit and STAY fit, I'm sure that you will find the confidence that you're looking for.

    Another thing - having a girlfriend will also boost your confidence. :)

    Just enjoy life man. You're still very young! Don't give up. :)
     
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  4. ExtraWinner

    ExtraWinner BANNED BANNED

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    Road to success requires failing every so.
    Just man up, work really hard and you wont feel in such a way anymore.
    Delete games from your PC, plug off TV and really focus on whats important - success.
    Also next time make shorter threads - people here value their time (at least people that can advise you in good matter).
     
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  5. Chizz

    Chizz Junior Member

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    Set S.M. A. R T goals man. Simple, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time bound.

    I'm pretty sure you have lost SOME weight already, and have made SOME money, but you feel like you did not accomplish anything, because some has no meaning. And apperently, the some you have lost/made, does not satisfy the some you want. Define your goals more clearly..
     
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  6. MadMaddy

    MadMaddy Junior Member

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    start by achieving small small stuffs

    Congragulate yourself even if you do something really small and take it from there

    Later, focus on your other big problems and by that time you will have gained confidence to tackle anything
     
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  7. lakim0

    lakim0 BANNED BANNED

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    One word - action.

    All the thoughts are useless unless you act on them.

    Besides, they make you lose your confidence.

    Don't think, act!
     
  8. Simas9

    Simas9 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    The best thing you can do to start is to start listening to audio programs/watching "help yourself" type of videos. They will explain how to set goals, visualize and achieve.
     
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  9. Paranoid Android

    Paranoid Android Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I've seen fat people who are happy. Why wouldn't you be happy? If you are fat and if you dream about being slim, you will only be unhappy.
     
  10. xrumering

    xrumering BANNED BANNED

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    I guess they don't care how they look, I don't like how I look, that's because it makes me unhappy.

    Thanks everyone for the replies, giving rep to all :)
     
  11. Conor

    Conor Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    ^This

    Motivation comes with success and vice versa. Take the first step. Put yourself out there and take risks if you have to. Remember too, happiness is a choice. No one is perfect and hence has no right to judge anyone else. Aim for success, and you will achieve it.
     
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  12. panospanos

    panospanos Newbie

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    "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
     
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  13. demanz

    demanz Newbie

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    Please don't shoot me for saying this (I've been there and lower).

    If your really feeling that low all the time maybe a visit to your GP/Doctor is in order. There is nothing wrong in asking for help and they may be able to help you better understand where the roots of your issues may be. Here in the UK there are many options for help available, including things like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), Group and one to one support/Therapy groups, coaching sessions and other services. I would imagine that similar services are available elsewhere.

    The first step is to make contact with your own medical professional they are better placed to help you than the people on here (no offence everyone).

    The main thing is though NEVER give up on yourself, you can get yourself back on track, and once it starts it's surprising how quickly everything else starts to fall into place.

    One thing that has always helped me over the years is to break things down. Don't try to attack the huge tasks you have set for yourself all at once. break them down into smaller more manageable steps. Try starting with something like 'I want to make $25 online'. Once you achieve that target give yourself a pat on the back, even treat yourself, then set your next target. Something like 'I want to make $25 a week'... then '$25/day'. Build it up slowly and don't forget to enjoy your achievements. You can apply this to all your challenges (social, personal, business) just remember to set small achievable targets and forget about the bigger picture.

    One step at a time, One day at a time.

    Also remember that your not alone, there are many of us struggling with our own issues on a day to day basis, I myself am in the process of rebuilding my life after losing absolutely everything. I will get there, I know that, but I also know that the journey may be a long one, but I just take it a day at a time, making baby steps towards my ultimate goals.

    All the best with your journey, you can do it.

    Cheers

    D
     
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  14. xrumering

    xrumering BANNED BANNED

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    Thank you guys :)

    I don't think I need a doctor, as I thought, I'll take action and if it doesn't help me, there's no way out.
     
  15. dbyrn

    dbyrn Power Member

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    The thing is that fat or slim, rich or poor, happy or unhappy it's still you. The same you from craddle to grave.
    Enjoy yourself, because it's the only You you're going to get.
    D.
     
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  16. oliver twist

    oliver twist Junior Member

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    YOU WILL overcame this situation!
    Do you know how I know that? Because one part of you is Right:
    So, LISTEN to that inner dude. That's ALL you have to do.

    Do that, and in 3 months time you will thank yourself.
     
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  17. trustedfire9

    trustedfire9 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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  18. xrumering

    xrumering BANNED BANNED

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    Some really nice tips there, thank you!
     
  19. Getwhatchuwant

    Getwhatchuwant Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    In your situation you can do BOTH at the same time, keep in mind it wont happen quickly but at the end of the journey you WILL be successful!

    One thing is with goals, having TOO MANY at the same time often leads to failure because you are trying to balance goal 1 with goal 2 and sometimes when you run out of time for one or the other you give up on both.

    In this case you can focus on one goal which CAN knock it all out in one fell swoop.

    There are MANY people who lose weight and then use that to sell a product, it works very well.

    Pick a product you want to endorse, focus on fitness and eating right, document your progress every week via blog/Facebook/Twitter,Youtube at the end of your journey You WILL make sales.

    By achieving your main goal (weight loss) you will also achieve your secondary goal (money) and then your self image will improve. Just start right away and DONT GIVE UP!!
     
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  20. daddymax

    daddymax Junior Member

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    i'm glad to see that you have the guts to face your fears and start a thread like this coz this means you are fighting back and not letting some bad thoughts ruin your life.
    a couple of years ago i did an hnc in health care and one of my essays was about a similar problem to yours and basically without giving you the 3000 words article, a healthy diet,exercise regularly and sleep well are the best way to start a better life and when the body is healthy your state of mind will follow.

    Good Luck