CaptainCyborg
Registered Member
- Mar 13, 2022
- 50
- 33
Guys Can someone help in revising my sales video script? it would be much appreciated!
https://justpaste.it/czabr
https://justpaste.it/czabr
Help in revising my sales video script?
- Thread starter CaptainCyborg
- Start date
BFW9000
Junior Member
- Jan 26, 2011
- 109
- 45
Just my opinion but maybe focus on the opening line "In the world of Karate, excellence has a name."
The first line of a video is like the headline of a salesletter.
It needs to grab their attention and make them want to watch the rest of the video.
Instead of focusing on the excellence of the company in the opening line maybe try to say something that grabs attention like asking a question that makes the prospect think, hey yea this is for me!
"Are You Ready To Take Your Karate Academy To The Next Level?"
"Did You Know There's An Unusual Way To Become Wildy Successful With Your Karate Academy?"
The first line of a video is like the headline of a salesletter.
It needs to grab their attention and make them want to watch the rest of the video.
Instead of focusing on the excellence of the company in the opening line maybe try to say something that grabs attention like asking a question that makes the prospect think, hey yea this is for me!
"Are You Ready To Take Your Karate Academy To The Next Level?"
"Did You Know There's An Unusual Way To Become Wildy Successful With Your Karate Academy?"