Michael Jackson Is Not Dead!
LOS ANGELES (AP), That is right, Michael Jackson is, indeed, not dead. It was all a hoax, but a smartly laid out one. Jackson, who appeared to suffer cardiac arrest, had it all planned out from the beginning.
We are told that it started when Michael met little Johnny Crabcakes in a local Los Angeles park. The two had instant bonding. They did everything together that day, they rested, they played 2-man-stationary-below-waist-only-tag, they played some basketball -- things were great between the two.
Unfortunately, Johnny was diagnosed with cancer a few days later and was placed in Los Angeles Hospital.
We asked our local expert on celebrity news, history, statistics, archeology, and some other shit we're not supposed to mention, Pruane2forever, for more information.
"[Johnny Crabcakes and Michael Jackson] really hit it off well. You could tell it was a man-boy love from the start. But do I think that Jackson was in the relationship just for pedophilicious sex? Of course not. These two had REAL chemistry."
"It is in my views," he added, "that Jackson faked the cardiac arrest to gain entrance to Los Angeles Hospital. It was all a plot to see Johnny."
And Jackson's wish came true, as he was placed in room 1019, rooming with who but little Johnny Crabcakes.
"It was great. Johnny wouldn't want anything more than to waste his final white blood cells while spending time with his pal, Michael," Taylor Crabcakes, Johnny's mom, chimed in.
It appears that Michael's creepy antics worked out today for him and his victim.
"Johnny had a smile from ear to ear when he saw Michael rolled into the room unconcious," stated his doctor, Plethora Oweed M.D.
