The first thing I did was contact my brother. He needed help getting Bitcoins off of his old computer and had offered to pay me a small fee if I was able to help. That small fee would be enough to purchase one or two days’ worth of weed if I rationed it well.
On the eve of going to my brother’s house, I had no weed, which meant I couldn’t fall asleep. In order to fall asleep and try to mask my negative emotions at the same time, I decided to take some Lorazepam I had gotten from a friend of mine. For the less degenerate among us, Lorazepam is similar to Xanax. Xanax and Lorazepam are benzodiazepines. A common side-effect of benzodiazepines is a complete lack of self-control. I had never tried benzodiazepines and was unaware of this side effect.
I began with 3mg: slightly above the internet’s recommended recreational dose. I thought I felt nothing, so I took another 5mg. Now I felt something, but I wasn’t high like I would be with weed. Still, I managed to fall asleep around 5 AM and stay asleep until 8 AM.
When I woke up, I thought the previous night’s 8mg had left my system, but it hadn’t, or at least not fully. I wanted to get high before I went to my brother’s house, so I gulped down the remaining 12mg that I had. Now I was sitting at around 20mg, or 10x the internet’s recommended recreational dose, and I definitely felt something. I thought I was just a little high, but in reality, I was unfamiliar with the effects of benzodiazepines and barely functional.
Then, in a moment of sheer lunacy, I decided it would be fun to take some MDMA (ecstasy) to make the drive even more fun. The standard recreational dosage for MDMA is between 100mg and 150mg. I weighed out the rest that I had -- around 400mg -- and ate the tan crystals like Pop Rocks.
Feeling like life was a wonderful adventure, I hopped into my car to drive into Boston, turned my subwoofers on blast, and rear-ended someone almost immediately. Luckily, it was more of a firm tap than a fatal collision. Even more luckily, I hit the guy in a very busy area of town right near a highway ramp, so talking to each other outside of our cars was noisy and chaotic. Even more luckily, the sun was shining brightly, so my microscopic pupils didn’t look out of place. The guy was clearly put off by me, but he didn’t call the cops. I think he was in a rush.
I’m still shocked that I never faced any legal repercussions for my schemes nor the erratic behavior that I engaged in during this period of my life. The only time I wore handcuffs was when I underestimated the power of acid (LSD), took an obscene amount, and lost my mind at an Avicii concert when I was 16. When I came to, I was not only cuffed, but also being wrestled onto the ground by eight cops in a concrete corner of the lobby of the concert venue. Still, I didn’t go to jail. Instead, I went to the hospital and woke up in a literal straight jacket. They still use those. Being trapped in one is a fun way to end an acid trip.
Anyways, I managed to get to my brother’s house, complete my task of getting the Bitcoins off of his old computer, and drive home without killing myself or anyone else. Dude, is this bender even related to your skill of manipulation? Yes. As I was lying in bed, still completely intoxicated from the Lorazepam and MDMA, I thought of my next scheme.