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Free diet Article for feedback

Discussion in 'Associated Content & Writing Articles' started by darkhead, Aug 10, 2011.

  1. darkhead

    darkhead Newbie

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    Dear BHW members, i really think i can write articles, but are they good articles? is it good content for a webpage?
    I'm posting a link for an article and I'm asking for some feedback from fellow BHWers.
    I hope i get a lot of replies and criticism.
    It's around 600 words article with "diet" as a keyword.

    hxxp://wwwdotmediafiredotc0m/?w0elhjd70y0lc6d

    It's a media fire link, no spam intended.
     
  2. lobozebra

    lobozebra Junior Member

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    Put it on Pastebin so we can read it. Nobody is going to download the article.

    I will gladly give you feedback and tips if you PM me it as instead.
     
  3. BENNY8877

    BENNY8877 Supreme Member

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    Not bad. You will need to watch your grammar a bit more though. The flow of the article is great, and the humor and info. keep it interesting. You can definitely write, but with some practice I think that you could charge a respectable rate.

    Keep working on it.
     
  4. darkhead

    darkhead Newbie

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    Thank you for the feedback, it means a lot to me, as for the grammar, can you show me where exactly changes need to be made.
     
  5. darkhead

    darkhead Newbie

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  6. racyc

    racyc Newbie

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    Looks pretty good to me. You should have success at writing :)

    Here's some criticism:

    While I'm no writing expert, I would say the first two sentences don't work that well for me. Of course that's just my opinion. I would write them like this:

    The main thing about diets is that there are many. You see each and every person is different physiologically, which means what works for you won't work for me.

    Fortunately, there isn't a lot of difference in diets from one person to the next. We all fall under closely similar rules when it comes to losing weight.

    Also, I would advise you to break up many of your sentences into smaller ones. I should know, that's a problem I often have myself. I think I could write a whole article with no periods, only commas. LOL
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  7. ppcmaster

    ppcmaster Elite Member

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    Good catch @racyc! :)
     
  8. darkhead

    darkhead Newbie

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    racyc, you are right, it does sound better to me too, thanks for the feedback, i really appreciate it:thumb:.
     
  9. beeHWfan

    beeHWfan Regular Member

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    Not sure exactly how to criticize you but I will rewrite some of this to illustrate what I think is wrong with it.

    "The main thing about diets is that there is many, see each and every person is different physiologically which means that what works for you won't work for me."

    The first thing you will notice when looking for the right diet to fit your physiological needs is that there is an overwhelming amount of choices.


    "Fortunately, there isn't much change in diets from a person to another, we all fall under closely similar rules when it comes to losing weight."

    "Fortunately for you, most people are able to lose weight on any diet. The rule is not necessarily which diet you choose but which diet you actually stick with."


    I could be wrong about this but I would suggest looking at your sentences and trying to rephrase them so they sound a little more formal. I personally felt like the original article is written too much like a person might talk. There is nothing wrong with writing an article as if you were having a conversation but you would want to reflect the type of conversation you would have if you were actually speaking to 100- 200 people.

    It may be personal taste but I think in the end you want people to take you as seriously as possible as a professional.

    Hope I helped, and I wasn't trying to offend you. Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2011
  10. unknownn

    unknownn BANNED BANNED

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    test .......
     
  11. darkhead

    darkhead Newbie

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    I was actually very happy to see you feedback, without that i will never improve, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
     
  12. lobozebra

    lobozebra Junior Member

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    The main thing you need to work on is grammar. There are a lot of run-on sentences, but other than that it looks really good. Both the content and flow of the article is exceptional.
     
  13. unknownn

    unknownn BANNED BANNED

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    test2 ................
     
  14. unknownn

    unknownn BANNED BANNED

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    test3
     
  15. courier

    courier Newbie

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    Just work on your grammar. I'm not really sure if you intended this to article to be completely true, but a diet doesn't need to consist of exercise haha.
     
  16. peerless2acme

    peerless2acme BANNED BANNED

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    There is not much left to tell but on a personal front I must say that you have a great future ahead provided you work hard and keep improving.

    1) I second most of the members who have given their reviews that you need to focus on grammar, as this is one aspect of the content writing, which may debar you from earning those brownie points.
    2) Another thing, which I noticed that you tried hard to make your article enticing and in this process you have gone overboard. By this, I mean to say that you must not exaggerate too much.
    Hope you work on these things. If you take out these things, then this is a good work and deserves praise. Keep going.
     
  17. NTG98

    NTG98 Junior Member

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    One thing I noticed is that you have some run-on issues. It's hard to describe, but try to make your sentences shorter not by adding words, but by adding punctuation.

    Forget about everybody that tells you that counting calories is a waste of your time, or that counting calories is overrated, to be in a successful diet you need to count your calories.

    should be

    Forget about everybody that tells you that counting calories is a waste of your time or that counting calories is overrated. To be in a successful diet, you need to count your calories.

    Other than run-on sentence issues, it looks pretty good.
     
  18. Darksaber

    Darksaber Newbie

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    If you write the article in the third person, (i.e. "what works for one person may not work for another" instead of "what works for me may not work for you"), it will sound much more professional. Also, spell check with grammar checking enabled will help you

    Darksaber
     
  19. gecekurdu4u

    gecekurdu4u Newbie

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    work on your grammar.