First Clickbank site ever

Alright, I just set up my first site on CB. I'd like some feedback.

I know I need to replace a few of the testimonial pictures, but other than that, what's your take?

If anyone wishes to promote it, I'd be thankful, but I'm not asking. I'm just asking for input on it.

Here's the landing page: http://www.fistfullofcashsystem.com/

The CB ID is: otrap1

not bad at all, try to add some more images and like u said a more legit looking testimonial section. all in all good work bro

The background thing is too distracting and kind of hurts my eyes while trying to read your text.

No offense, but for someone who "made $9,000,000 last year" you think you'd have a better sales page, no?

Change the background. Say you made less, no one will believe 9 million. Besides that looks solid.

give a $100 design contest dude. so you will have professional looking product

you will get more sales
you will get more affiliates to promote your product (this is the key)

triggershot said:

No offense, but for someone who "made $9,000,000 last year" you think you'd have a better sales page, no?

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i think the op is looking for "constructive" criticism.

I'll offer a little bit on constructive criticism, and I just mean it trying to help: your copy is real rough.

First thing that turned me off was that you made "about" 9 million last year. Throw an exact number out there. "I made $9,327,895 last year." sounds a lot more impressive and intriguing than "I made about 9 million dollars last year."

Second thing, when talking about IM, for someone who "knows enough to be considered a guru", you sure didn't sound like it. I'm sure you're not targetting advanced IMers, but this would turn a complete beginner off.

Third thing on my mind - you need to make your intro a lot more interesting. There was nothing there to grab my attention whatsoever. I only read any further because I was looking for more things to mention in my assessment of your page. After three or four paragraphs I was bored that I skipped around here and there. I honestly didn't even make it down to what you were really offering or how much it costs.

You need to make it more aesthetically appealing. Apart from the coue of image testimonials, it seemed to be paragraphs of text, one after another. Add some more bullets, or bold one line statements, or *anything* to make me want to read more.

That's about all I feel like writing from my iPhone, so that is a start for you. I am proud that you're taking initiative - it's more than 99% of people. The product could be the best money maker in the Internet, but that doesn't matter if no one finds out because of the sales page. I'm not claiming to be a great copywriter, but I definitely think you have some work ahead of you.

Good luck!
Posted via Mobile Device

Graphic is nice.
Headline is too long winded. Shorten it up.
List the benefits of your product first before you talk about yourself.
The paragraphs are also too crowed and wordy.
Your opt-in box is below the fold.
The grey theme of the page is boring. You need colors to keep people excited and interested. Gold would be a good complimentary color.

The general flow of the text is disjointed. The words simply don't read easily. There are many grammatical errors including mixed up tenses. Further, I don't find many of your claims believable simply because of the language you use and the general sentence structure. If you want to claim your a guru, your sales copy should be flawless. Guru's hire professional copywriters.

For example What is the purpose of that "WAIT"? If they have read that far they have no reason to stop reading.

I could go on and get more specific but I simply don't have the time.
This copy needs a lot of work.

Best of Luck.

Jared255 said:

Change the background. Say you made less, no one will believe 9 million. Besides that looks solid.

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Perhaps with that page, no one will believe that he makes 9 million, but that isn't really an unrealistic claim. It's like me pulling up in a 1995 Ford Mustang with old torn up clothes, and claiming I make $9 million a year - nearly no one will believe me. At the same time, if I pulled up in a brand new Lamborghini dressed to the nines, I could make the same claim and probably wouldn't get too many people doubting me. At the same time, if I wanted to sell an eBook on "Car Repair Like A Pro", claiming I have 30 years experience as a mechanic, perhaps a Lamborghini wouldn't be the best choice? It's all about how you present your claim.

In fact, that is *exactly* what marketing is - convincing people what you're telling them is true.
Posted via Mobile Device

I would change the background for sure. It just isn't easy on the eyes. I also agree with a few posts above mine. Improve your testimonials and tweak your sales copy a bit. It's not horrible, but it could be better.

From an affiliates point of view....I do not promote products with an opt in on the sales page. It's too tempting for the prospective buyer to join the list instead of buying the product now.
I promote products to get my share of the sale, not to help build up the vendors list.

OP, I apologize for my former statement, I didn't mean it too seriously, but it still came off as a bit rude.

Your sales copy is decent, for your sales page though, you can outsource it for probably about 100 bucks and I'm sure your conversions will increase a lot.

My constructive criticism: Add a mini screenshot below your order button with the clickbank order screen and say "For security purposes, the next page will look like this", or something like that. many people do it and it's supposed to significantly increase conversions.

If you make some minor adjustments, I'll even spend time promoting it (and probably get you a few sales as well).

Thanks for the advice, everyone. While I've written plenty of email copies, I'd never written a sales copy.

I AM curious about these grammatical errors. I'm usually an absurd stickler for grammatical precision.

I may indeed outsource the page to someone with more experience. Also, I might first ask someone to create a video for above the fold. I'll probably move the opt-in form to ater the payment page.

And I'll bring down the $9mil figure, as well as change the theme.

I really appreciate it, guys! Your input has been invaluable!
Posted via Mobile Device

OTrap said:

I AM curious about these grammatical errors. I'm usually an absurd stickler for grammatical precision.
Posted via Mobile Device

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I'm a complete dick when it comes to reviewing copy but I hope you'll learn to appreciate it

Lets get started!

Your improper and completely ineffective use of the comma is astounding. Basically every paragraph contains that mistake.

Here are a few other mistakes as well as some delightful copy blunders that are sure to be a hit at your next local copywriters convention!

Over those seven years of my life, I've been educating myself on everything regarding using the Internet to earn a living, and staying away from all of the empty promises. The deceptions that almost every other "guru" will keep trying to get you to buy.

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Tenses are wrong in this paragraph. You go from past to present in the same sentence.

It should be:

"Over those seven years of my life I educated myself on everything regarding...."

For awhile now, I've been observing the Web marketing industry as it unfolded.

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Another tense problem: Present to past in the same sentence.

In fact, one of the only big players to ever throw me a bone gave me one important piece of advice: Almost all of the people getting these "work at home" offers never make more than a penny on the Internet, and what is sad is, most of them never will, either. They live modestly, and will continue to do so, while a fraction of a percentage bring in hundreds of thousands.

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This is funny. Your big players advice to you is written in the exact same linguistic style as your sales copy; complete with improper use of commas! What a coincidence!

REMEMBER! You can sign up for my free weekday email, covering different ways to make thousands each week, all by utilizing one or more of the Internet's most effective sites.

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Remember?? I'm pretty sure you have yet to mention anything about a free "weekday email"...and is that an email you receive every day of the week or is it a misspelling of the word "weekly"? Nope. Neither. Its shit copy!

Learn how I, and those like me, make over $1000 each day, spending less than four hours on the computer per day
You can shape this daydream from the comfort of your living room by working under two hours per day,

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Is inconsistency suddenly in fashion? Is it a professional or believable business practice? I'm so out of the loop!

I always look back and think what my life would have been if I'd known about this even sooner:
Naturally, I know it's not possible for me to know what might have been. Maybe if I'd had these resources when I began down this road, I might have started making this money even sooner. Probably so, and now you have a shot to piggy-back off this Florida-bound retiree who is giving out the methods to how he did what he did to bring in his millions.

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Geez, I sure am glad you told me about that logical deduction you made. The one about how it was not possible for you to know what might have been. Then, to follow it up with a completely irrelevant statement about you giving away your methods? ...priceless!

We come to a time in our lives where we have to believe that there is something we can do to help humanity. A point in which we realize that what we desire is to know our memory won't be lost.

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Oh...you are doing this to help humanity? That's so selfless and cool!
Oh wait, your doing it to preserve your egotistical legacy? Never mind...


I had one last correction I wanted to include here but it's far too valuable. I know for a fact it will be the difference between keeping your leads hot and ready to buy vs. immediately turning them off your product completely.

If you want to know what it is, PM me and we can talk.

i am new to CB, how did you locate fist full of cash system in CB?

can't seem to find it there.

does this product in CB provide you with a webpage to start hosting?

It looks like clickbank that's for sure. Personally I don't like the design, I think it screams bull shit. Anyone who made $9 mill last year can afford a better site then that. But your content is not bad other than there is a little too much sizzle and not enough steak.

change the background it is distracting from you message

Simple suggestion.... go to clickbank marketplace and check out the top selling products and what their sales pages look like. Then copy what they do, e.g., make the headline red, get rid of the banner at the top, use bullet points, etc. I would also brainstorm about 100 headlines and test the ones you think are great.

Also, not sure why you changed the font style repeatedly?

Overall it's a great start to set a benchmark for conversions! Drive some ppc traffic and see how it does. I would personally set up at least 3 different pages and drive ppc traffic and see which converts best before trying to get affiliates to promote it.

wow I was hipnotized by that background it needs to go I can see how you made nine mill perhaps adding a couple of zeros to the sales would make it more realistic

Suave