Dear Webmaster, I have been reading your site for 3 and a half minutes ? not a millisecond longer than it took to find your contact details. I really love that post you wrote about The Rise of the Content Marketing Moron. I hate those guys too. Your readers must be so lucky to have you. Moving on, quickly, I would be honored, flattered, humbled, punch-drunk and frankly much less annoying if you would just let me submit an article for your site. The article will be original, unique and exclusive to your blog **Terms, conditions and Elance may apply. In exchange for this monumental tour de force of literature, I have only a small request: two relevant links in the article body. Of course, by relevant, I mean relevant to anybody seeking a ?real estate expert? in Sacramento. But fuck that, right? Any content is good content! LOL! This article may or may not read like a $5 mess with a single valid point per 2500 words. That?s assuming I wrote more than 400. And I probably didn?t. Bonus: Hey, if you really want to shag your artistic integrity, I?ve also attached a press release. It?s about my product going live on Clickbank 7 months ago. I?m sure your readers will just love it. Finally, just so that you can be left in no doubt that I am ? indeed ? a colossal bag of dicks, here are some links to articles I?ve already written. Please don?t be turned off by the strange topics. My last client was a wooden antique wholesaler. Oh, and do let me know once the post has gone live so I can cross your name off my spreadsheet of mortals to pester. Respectfully, (Because we both know I don?t give a shit,) Naomi Bigtits
