Doctoring a Merchant Processor Statement

I posted this in my other thread, but that was originally a different subject, so I figured I'd make this one specific to this current problem:

Paypal screwed me. I left 'em out to dry.
Decided to go with a merchant account, what with all the people calling Paypal users imbeciles and haranguing them for not straight-up getting merchant accounts to use with eBay. Figured it'd be easy, the way they kept carrying on about it!

Not exactly.

eBay suggests their Payflow gateway, but they don't actually have a merchant account lined up for you to choose from. Guess it's better that way, actually. So then I had to do some research. Tried to get the proper info from threads on here but no one was actually suggesting any reasonable merchant account providers. So I found Charge.com, and they have great rates and great customer service. Got meself a merchant account, and then signed up for Payflow (again- eBay's merchant processor gateway).

Had some troubles getting the info straight between eBay and Charge.com, but I finally received the email from eBay saying I was free and clear to start listing items and receiving CC payments.

Wrong.

Even after it all, they're still requiring me to fax them a merchant processor statement to show that "I can support my transactions". AKA to prove that I've been receiving money through my merchant processor. Clearly they don't understand that since Payflow is my gateway, and Payflow is THEM, and I JUST signed up, that I haven't received any transactions. I have no statements to fax.

So, I have to receive transactions to be able to have a statement so that I can start to receive transactions. Makes total sense. Kinda like the whole job experience thing (need job experience to get job experience), ain't it?

Anyway- I was hoping someone on here could enlighten me as to how to doctor the merchant processor statement to fax it to them. I have no clue what these look like or anything, so a template would be highly, highly appreciated.

Could anyone please help me?

Seriously no one? I thought you guys were all about photoshopping statements on here.

Well, thanks for the plethora of responses, fellas; they turned out to be a huge help, as it turns out I could just fax my latest bank statement over, instead of a merchant processing statement, even though I had to wait an hour to talk to a customer service rep through a chat session, because their phone lines are kaput.

Now you know and you don't have to go through the same shite. You're welcome.