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Divorced Dads/Moms

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by orbit, Mar 3, 2010.

  1. orbit

    orbit Regular Member

    Nov 1, 2007
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    I have a 3 and 4 yo... little girl and boy. I drive an 1 1/2 hrs. each way to see them once a week night for dinner... Then I have them every other weekend from Friday to Sunday night. We have a great time together, Im a good dad and we really enjoy our time together...

    I have never been late on a support payment, never missed a weekend with my kids and maybe missed a couple week nights in the last year and a half (since even before the divorce was final). Plus I give her money for food, bring food over, buy the kids clothes and shoes. Even though she was given a house and mercedes by her father, has ZERO bills, gets money from the government and her family and ME, has the kids in FULL time daycare .... AND has a part time job.

    Now all of a sudden... Im a "bad" guy and she has to take the kids to Texas to live with her fiance. Of course her excuse is 5 pages of lies about what a bad father and husband I was and how terrible I still am...

    In california, mediation is necessecary in these cases before going to court. Mediation is to commence a week and a half after I got the paperwork and a court date is set for three weeks after that.

    Needless to say, I was pretty much numb the first week and trying to digest all of this. I need to get money together for an excellent attorney and plead my case. I need to show why MY children NEED ME me and why it's better for them to stay near me. Its all so crazy....

    I am going to call the mediator and try and get an extension. A week and a half notice is not enough time when your battling to keep your children in your life... Man, it can get tough in a divorce with children. It just seems like one blow after another.

    What a nightmare.... Any of you guys or gals go thru this?
  2. mdvaldosta

    mdvaldosta Newbie

    Jan 26, 2010
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    I'm a divorced dad myself, same situation almost. I drive two hours every other weekend to get them, pay a boatload in child support, and have to deal with the baggage whenever she feels like going off the rocker for whatever reason. Usually happens about once a year, gets pissed at me for something and uses the kids as a way to get back at me. It's been better as of late, but still you just never know when it's going to hit the fan.

    I feel for ya bro, when it comes to kids, momma's got us daddy's by the balls. They know it too, and they make sure you know it. The best thing you can do is try not to be spiteful, and show that you're a responsible dad. In the end, things almost always work out if you "do the right thing", although sometimes it costs alot of money to get it that way. Get a good lawyer, and don't say or do anything you might regret later. My best wishes your way dude.
  3. lived66

    lived66 Regular Member

    Feb 12, 2010
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    I had to deal with lawyers for years for my child custody and visitation rights.
    I totally understand the kind of challenges you may be facing.
    I'm building a IM business for the fact I want more time freedom to continue to
    travel and stay close to my kids...

    Keep you head up man.
  4. tengallonhat

    tengallonhat Newbie

    Oct 15, 2008
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    Going through it right now. Haven't seen my kid since Jan 4th because mom decides that my current wife is mean to my daughter. I filed contempt charges and she is trying to modify visitation... You get the gist. So, until April 1 I get to see my daughter but she can't spend the night until all this gets figured out.

    One silver lining is that in our decree it says she can't move more than two counties away UNLESS I move first.

    I'll keep you in my thoughts because I can totally relate to what you are going through. Your kid does need you, and sorry to say in your case, the Mom too.
  5. Cyber_Demon12

    Cyber_Demon12 Junior Member

    Apr 16, 2009
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    Well I'm sorry to hear this.... I would hate it if my parents did something like that.. But I'm still a student and I don't have any kids...

    But my uncle is in a similar boat.. but its a bit worse... His ex got a new boyfriend and then she went to the cops and said that he was beating her up and shit and now my uncle can only get his son from the police station because of it.... and she just didn't want her boyfriend to meet her ex... and my uncle is the nicest person every :/ And the even worse part about this, is that she would leave her son at home, at 3, and she would go out and get drunk... Its soo sad.
  6. jodys


    Feb 10, 2010
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    Make sure whatever you do, you keep all receipts. I gave up with the bloody battle every other weekend trying to see my kids and being tortured so I moved 1100 miles away. I got the kids for the summer and after just 2 years they moved in with me. I paid every penny I owed in support on time while she raised them and when they moved in with me I stopped paying her. After they both were grown and on their own she came after me with some jack-off company called KidsFirst and she showed them the court order saying I was to pay through the courts and never mentioned I raised them myself for 6 years until they moved out. She never mentioned all the money I gave her when she "couldn't" wait to get her money through the courts. I had these bloodhounds on my ass for 6 months until I finally hired an Attorney. Cost me another $2,000 for him to straighten it all out and I gave her $2,000 to avoid going 1100 miles back to stand in front of a Judge and explain why I didn't have the court orders changed once I took custody of the kids and paid ALL THEIR EXPENSES while she paid nothing. If I didn't have all my receipts it would have been much more expensive. Bitch claimed I owed her $40,000 for all the time she didn't even have the kids, and I was legally on the hook because I didn't have the court orders changed. Bunch of BS is all it is and the Courts think the women are the victims and have no sympathy for the Dads that do the right thing. IMO they should have locked her up for extortion and purposely lying about what she was owed (nothing). Instead I had to cough up another $4k for her lies. Thank God the kids are emancipated now and I never have to talk to that bitch again.
  7. catapult copy

    catapult copy Registered Member

    Sep 15, 2008
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    New Zealand
    Thought something was up dude - been trying to get hold of ya....a real bum deal dude sorry to hear that!

    Get order to stop her moving ASAP - you can do that. Don't freak out, get into action step by step - make sure you have all your paperwork. Then give her hell! Don't try and be MR NICE guy - that does not work. As I say "you want war" - "well give you war without mercy"

    Keep ya chin up dude and focus on what needs doing...
  8. Sharksfan

    Sharksfan Registered Member

    Jan 19, 2010
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    Any guy who is in this situation - especially if you are a guy who is not yet divorced - needs to keep a journal.

    In this journal you need very specific times/dates of any nutty behavior. You also want to include any time there was a threat - specific or implied, of ANY kind - and any record of use of drugs (including all prescription medication) alcohol, etc.

    Divorce is not a fair fight. A journal like this can provide a lot of leverage.

    Also, make sure this journal is in electronic format. Have TWO private Gmail accounts - document in one and email the journal to yourself at the other every week or so - this proves you didn't make the thing up in one sitting.

    I'm happily married for the record - I've just seen a few friends go through interesting times...
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2010
  9. pakelika10

    pakelika10 Registered Member

    May 12, 2009
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    Tip of the day....

    Dont get married....
  10. judson

    judson Power Member

    Nov 29, 2009
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    Fulltime Newbie IM
    Sub Ubi
    My brother went through something similar. Except he was lucky. When he kicked her out, he kept the kid. Son was just under 2 at the time. It has been a long struggle, but at least he has his son. It has been hard, but much easier than having to fork out alimony.

    The details of the case are too long to get into, but this woman would change her story every other week. One week she was happy for him to keep the kid. The next week she wanted more contact. The week after that she would want full custody. I think she figured if she got full custody, she would be able to hit him for alimony. Did I mention that he has never asked for a penny at all from her?

    Heck, the court case dragged out for ages. Eventually, my brother just represented himself. He got to to keep his son (I live with them so 2.5 men in this household baby?!?). That said, she now gets 3 weekends out of 4 so he has to drive an hour and a bit each way to pick up his son on Sunday.

    Oh yeah, ++ on the Journal. He kept a journal, and that helped immensely. He actually went a step further, and recorded all conversations with this woman, both in person, and on the phone. The recordings never came into action, but it really sounds much better in front of a judge when you can say "On this {date} day, at 3pm," instead of "On some afternoon, I think it was afternoon".

    Again, ++ on keeping a journal.
  11. darkmobius

    darkmobius Regular Member

    Jul 16, 2008
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    software developer
    i'm sorry to hear this, even though i'm not a divorced mom/dad, I am a victim of a divorce (my parents' divorce). Life can suck so much when you are living with only one of them. It kinda surfaces as you grow older and when you look at kids with a healthy family you will start to look back how unfortunate you are. I now see my dad as a common friend and I hardly see him since we are in different areas of the world. I'm proud of my mom for raising myself all on her own, she didn't even ask for child support because she knew he couldn't pay any.

    Anyway, I hope you get this sorted out and may your kids be with the right parent.
  12. truepals_forever

    truepals_forever Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    May 5, 2009
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    Home Page:
    AIM: Jackmedia32 is you ? give my $90 back