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Dealing with a self sabotaging partner?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Sythix, Dec 14, 2015.

  1. Sythix

    Sythix Senior Member

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    I'm not going to lie. I am depressed, kinda been depressed for awhile. I have a beautiful daughter and to be honest that is what keeps me going. She was an "oops" baby, but I would not trade her for the world. The problem I deal with right now is her mom. I have done by best to keep the peace but she is so god damn negative. I've tried so hard to motivate her, and explain my entrepreneur ideas and all she does it piss on them. I've skipped out on so many ideas and projects because of her negativity. After awhile, I realized her negativity was never going to change and I just began doing projects without her "permission". I started getting some mild success. Thinking "hey, look, now I can show her that I just dont fuck off on a computer for 10 hours a day doing nothing, I can show her some earning proofs and she will be supportive", absolutely wrong. She literally has no ambition, she is my polar opposite. Even if I were to reach my goal of 6 figures a year and living the "happy life" to where neither of us have to work a "real" job, I'm pretty sure all she would do is smoke pot all day and be lazy. I make money online, but not enough to go full time. I still work a 9 to 5, and I am working 6 days a week, sometimes 7, and not only that I am almost always working more than 8 hours a day, I am always getting overtime, which is great I guess, but I like to use my free time to work on online business. Anyways, she is only working 4 days a week. Right after i got my raise at my job, she decided it was a good idea to take a day off a week to spend with the "kids", this is more like a frustrate mom day to point where she smokes her brains out and does nothing. Don't get me wrong, I am not against weed, I used to do it as a kid... AS A KID, yeah I smoked, like when I was a kid, you know? A kid. But it always sucked the motivation right out of me, and guess what, it does the same for her. It's super hard to be passionate with someone who is so negative and content with just smoking pot all night and never wanting to persue their dreams. She gets mad at me that I "never wanna do anything", but that's because I always have so much shit to do, I feel bad leaving my office. Maybe I am a work horse, but this is how I am, and that is how she is. I am just wondering if anyone is dealing with the same thing. Yeah, she gets a little happy when I make some money, but then it turns into "oh, lets go spend it", like I literally spent so much money this holiday season, like every penny I made from all my methods is gone, and it pisses me off because I am trying to reinvest and grow my business, but this makes me "stingy". This women literally has no idea what business is like, being and entrepenuer, any creativity or anything. It is self-sabotaging. I am not saying I need a gf who is an entrepenuer but I want someone who is at least supportive of what I do. She literally broke one of my laptops because I was "on it to much", I'm over here working on a website and she breaks my laptop because she thinks I'm on facebook talking to bitches. I don't even OWN a facebook.

    Sigh.. I just don't know what to do sometimes. Dealing with negative people in my life when I was younger was a lot easier before kids. I would just straight up ignore them, but with a daughter in the middle, it makes it hard. This is starting to have a dampering effect on my business life. Even when I am away with her, it's hard to stay focused and motivated, she literally wants to suck the succcess right out of me, and she is doing a damn good job.
     
  2. abhi007

    abhi007 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    How long you guys been married OP?
     
  3. Sythix

    Sythix Senior Member

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    We are not married, our daughter is almost 3.
     
  4. Euphorix

    Euphorix Supreme Member

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    LOL dude smoking weed was cool when I was 15. If you're still smoking out of high school.. smh

    Significance
    Variety
    Love/Connection
    Certainty

    ^As a man it's your responsibility to give her those four things (4 physical needs of humans)

    That's your girl bro. Figure out how to motivate her or leave her and find someone who has ambition
     
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  5. oplaopla

    oplaopla Regular Member

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    Does she complain a lot and you always feel like you are apologizing to her for nothing? And when you apologize, does it seem like it doesn't even make things better? If so PM me for my Skype and I can help you out.
     
  6. BlueSeoServices

    BlueSeoServices Newbie

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    Stop enabling her.
     
  7. Sythix

    Sythix Senior Member

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    Yes, but I don't need a "skype" counselor. Trust me, I've been bouncing back and forth the idea of leaving here for 3 years now, the only thing that has held me back is my daughter.
     
  8. Euphorix

    Euphorix Supreme Member

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    Your daughter seeing her father in a healthy relationship crushing it at life > seeing you with her birth mom

    Just my opinion

    (not telling you to leave her)
     
  9. Sythix

    Sythix Senior Member

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    Honestly, you only just reevaluated what I've been thinking about for years. What's worse, two parents together and miserable (I was brought up an only child), or two parents separate where both are happy (or at least one is).
     
  10. Euphorix

    Euphorix Supreme Member

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  11. Sythix

    Sythix Senior Member

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    We've been polar opppsites from day one. We met because I c-worker I had at the time was married to her sister and we all hung out a lot, she was super quiet but I always knew she liked me, one day we just hooked up. I didn't realize she was bat-shit crazy back then. I'm pretty sure she got prego the first time we hooked up cause she was prego shortly after, it brought us together. I didn't want a kid, but I accpeted my duties as a man and father.. then she had a miscarriage, it brought a lot of stress and drama to the situation and I comforted her. I felt bad, and we were spending a lot of time together where we hooked up more, and then she got prego again. This is where my beautiful daughter has came into the picture.

    I've had a hard life. I'm not here to win sympathy, but let's just say my daughter has literally saved my life, and I'm the kinda person who would do anything to make her happy, even if it meant living with a succubus. But at the same time, I need to think about #1, a happy me will mean a happy daughter, I don't like her seeing me in a weak or depressed state.
     
  12. Euphorix

    Euphorix Supreme Member

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    Weird you say that. My ex girlfriend just asked me to move back in with her: I'm pretty sure that if I do she'll get pregnant.. been debating about it all week

    I think it's awesome that you love your daughter that much + bat shit crazy girlfriends are awesome :p Here's an exercise tony robbin's had our group do: Have you and your girlfriend go into completely separate rooms and write down a list of qualities you'd want out of your perfect 10/10 match

    Also write down a list of things that are dealbreakers/qualities you do not want

    Hold onto/add to the list for a week or two weeks before sharing with each other. Then go out to dinner or have a romantic evening and share each others lists. Talk about how you'd like each other to improve and ask how you can help each other improve

    Nobodies allowed to get angry, there's no fighting: Just full open communication
     
  13. mistaree

    mistaree Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I hear ya mate.

    me and mine were in the exact same situation(minus the weed). It lasted for 5yrs, she had the negativity 24-7 and constantly blamed me for everything, constantly picking arguments etc. my only thought was my daughter and if me and my partner split, that she would get custody. So most times I buckled and accepted the blame, backed down etc.

    one day I couldn't take and told her that it's over, got everything off my chest. Told her how much I had tried and changed for her benefit, told her that she wasn't there for enough for our daughter and that if she even tried to take sole custody, there would be hell to pay.

    we separated for around 2-3 weeks and with-in that time, we properly had talks about what went wrong, what bothered us the most about each other and so forth. We worked things out in the end and I'm truely grateful for it.

    now the point isn't "leave and see if she comes back".

    im not making a dumb joke by saying this

    But our kids are likes our money sites and we as parents are the tiers. If there a lot of bad, negative juice(feelings) flowing through those links, then we have to look at it as who's going to cop the blunt force of the consequences.
     
  14. Sythix

    Sythix Senior Member

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    I am a fan of Tony Robbins, in fact I was just listening to him not even 20 minutes. This is another thing, I am always trying to stay positive in a negative atmosphere, I love listening to that stuff. But when I come home, she is watching some depressing documentary of chick flick. I lightly poke fun at it, but it still pisses me off. We got into an argument because she wanted to watch a WW2 documentary and I wanted to watch some tech video. I told her "I ain't thinking about the past, I'm thinking about the future" hoping that would resonate with her, nope it didn't. Talking to her is like talking to a wall. Most of the time I have to clap, whistle, or yell to get her attention. I'm just over it. She smokes herself retarded, and I take care of the kids, do all the cleaning, cooking, and dishes anyway. I'm just fucking over it. I'm a person who takes action, and she takes advantage of that.
     
  15. Euphorix

    Euphorix Supreme Member

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    Yeah bro, at the end of the day your lady is your teammate. Your team is only as strong as it's weakest link

    I've cut off a lot of people this year. Might be time for you to do the same
     
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  16. Euphorix

    Euphorix Supreme Member

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    If you ever want to chop it up feel free to pm me/get my skype
     
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  17. berkay1907

    berkay1907 Senior Member

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    Bro i see you love your daughter so i ll suggest you that don't leave your job until you make enough to supply for your daughters need. And i mean enough for entire a year. I must say online business is great and you have your own job etc. But it can turn into nightmare sometimes. I had it a lot of times in the past until i widen my income sources. If all of your methods rely on 1 stream like Google,facebook,twitter you will fail miserably. For example about 4 years ago there was a method with coupons and google adwords. You could literally give free advertising on adwords for almost all keywords even the banned ones like "watch movie" "download movie". I was working like 1-2 hours a day making 1-2K a day and was out all day spending like crazy like you are doing now for holiday season=)))).Ofcourse that dried up faster than a bird turd on a tin roof in August. So investing the money you make while you are banking is the most essential part of online business like all other business models. WHY are u telling her how much you make anyway? Tell her you are making 1K when you are making 5K. Put the money you make in another account if you can and don't leave your job until you make about 100K at least. I m telling this because you got a daughter. If it wasn't for her i would say leave your gf and your job and start investing your money on your online journeys but unfortunately that is not the case in your situation.

    PS: How TF she could break your laptop mate. I don't wanna be harsh on your gf but i don't think it is something that a sane person would do. I think you are being too nice to here. Draw some borders mate.
     
  18. RTG96

    RTG96 BANNED BANNED

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    Tony Robbins is awesome, check this out, it will get interesting, Maxwell has been married 3 times,

    https://youtu.be/dxo00Tr8u4I
     
  19. Sythix

    Sythix Senior Member

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    Trust me, When she broke my laptop it did not go over well. She bent and snapped it in ways it should not have been, if you know what I mean, then she tried to run off to her car and drive away with it. Of course, I chased her down and took it back, the neighbors saw it all and thought something different, so the police were called. By then, she left to her moms. Once I explained my side of the story to the police that I wasn't "attacking" her and all I did was chase her to grab my laptop, the tables turned, and they basically told me she is lucky to have left or she would be in jail right now. This was our last major fight, and like I said, it did not go over well. I was PISSED. I spent the next 3 weeks sleeping at my moms house, but she begged and apologized over and over, even said she would help me "pick out a new laptop, a better one" and buy it together, which of course never happened. Trust me, I am pissed. I still am pissed. And you're right, maybe I am being a walking door mat. When she broke my laptop I told her she was crazy, and that I wouldnt get back with her until she figured out her BC issue and started taking her anti depressants. Instead she stopped taking BC all together (scary for me), and she doesn't take any anti depressants at all, she just smokes, and smokes, and smokes.
     
  20. berkay1907

    berkay1907 Senior Member

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    That is not good mate. In my experiences u would be much more calm when you are stoned=)). She must be having a side effects maybe bec. of the pills lol???=) I don't know but that must be like living in hell. Hope new year brings you some resolutions to your problems.