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Clients from Hell

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by acotut, Mar 14, 2012.

  1. acotut

    acotut Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Just found a funny website,and I tought to share with you,so we can all laugh and take a little break from work :)

    If you wanna read more,this is the website:
    Code:
    http://clientsfromhell.net/
     
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  2. 3v0|v3

    3v0|v3 Regular Member

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    That actually made me laugh. I know why some of these clients would feel the way they do though. I was trying to launch a site for my mother and after I was done she said that is looked to professional. haha
     
  3. acotut

    acotut Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Another one:

     
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  4. TheKingGeek

    TheKingGeek Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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  5. GfxDude

    GfxDude Registered Member

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    Lololololol
    this made my day!
     
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  6. ziplack

    ziplack Supreme Member

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    A lot of stories theres
    all funny
     
  7. ziplack

    ziplack Supreme Member

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    a good one

     
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  8. NVBpro

    NVBpro Registered Member

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    Here is a good one :DDD
    CLIENT: Can you update my Adobe?

    ME: Sure. Which program are you using?

    CLIENT: You need to listen to me when I speak! ADOBE

    ME: Yes, I got that part. Adobe is the publisher, they make quite a-

    CLIENT: Adobe! I want my Adobe updated. I have no idea what you're talk about...

    ME: Adobe makes lots of programs. Like, you wouldn't say, "I just updated my Microsoft - "

    CLIENT: Microsoft isn't working either. Find a solution for that while you're at it.

    Killer one :

    CLIENT: Our page isn't updated.

    ME: We haven't been given any content to update it with.

    CLIENT: We thought we'd save time and space by not sending the attachments.

    ME: You're saving time and space by not sending the content we need to update with?
    CLIENT: The emails sent faster, didn't they!?
     
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    Last edited: Mar 14, 2012
  9. Techxan

    Techxan Elite Member

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    Occupation:
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    Client: "You said we were first in google maps. You lied, were not there"

    Me "If you search for XXX and XXX your site should be in the first ones there"

    Client "I didn't use a keyword, I just went to Google maps and all there is is a map of the US. We are not there.

    Me "That is Googles home for map searches, you ads will be...

    Client "I thought you knew SEO. You don't know what you are talking about"

    And I was helping for free because he is on the bowling league....
     
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  10. NVBpro

    NVBpro Registered Member

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    Just couldn't keep these for myself :D

     
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  11. jaso009

    jaso009 Junior Member

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    These kind of things literally make me want to kill clients lol.
     
  12. uditbhansali

    uditbhansali Regular Member

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    This one is very funny.. My eyes are watering.
    :You_Rock_
     
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  13. speedy5044

    speedy5044 Regular Member

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    LOL that's hilarious :D

    Code:
    Client: My previous developer set up my Paypal for me.  
    
    Me: And have you accessed it at all? 
    
    Client: No - they said I should just start seeing money going into my bank account automatically.
    
    Me: And have you seen any money? 
    
    Client: No, but I haven?t talked to my her since her husband got put in jail for being a con artist.  She disappeared. I don?t think she wants to talk to anyone about it.
    
    Me: Have you called paypal or your bank to make sure you didn?t get scammed? 
    
    Client: No, she would never do that after being so torn up about her husband being a con artist.
    
    Me: You should probably call her.
    
    Client: She won?t answer.
    
    Me: ?
    
     
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  14. gritts

    gritts Junior Member

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    I've seen this before but forgot about it, just read some of the newer stuff and was dying of laughter!

    Haven't come across anyone that bad yet and hope not to either! Have had some close calls though. I've seen people actually rotate their monitor when they accidentally triggered the screen switch lol.
     
  15. Nigel Farage

    Nigel Farage BANNED BANNED

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    I have to deal with the "front person" for a major US pharmaceutical company, and anytime I email her with a question, or an issue, or a problem, I have to be very careful not to use the word "computer" because Ms. Dimwit (who sits all day in front of a computer) has decided that anything that has to do what a "computer" is way too difficult and complex for her, because she knows nothing about computers.

    Example:
    Q: Did you get my email yesterday about the missing information?
    A: Yes, and I entered the updated information just like you requested.

    Q: Did you get my email on the computer yesterday, asking about the information that is missing in your online directory?
    A: That kind of stuff is way too complex for me, so I forwarded it to someone in our IT department.

    There's also a list of words you should never use, not just because they've never heard them, but also because of those they have heard, their definition is completely wrong.

    A: How long do you think until our PageRank get's us on the first page?

    B) How come xyz.com is PageRanked higher than my site?

    C: I'm looking at the SERP's results page, and I don't see my website.

    D: Could you put my email address on the front page, so we'll have a backlink to my email account?

    Also, I think it's a bad idea to refer to Google's "influence" as "juice". That word just throws them for a loop. I can see the reaction on their faces when I use the word, that they have immediately forgotten what I've just said, and will continue to not hear what I say, as they are trying to reconcile how Google is like an orange.
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2012
  16. Techxan

    Techxan Elite Member

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    Occupation:
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    This is my standard elevator speech for this:

    A web page has Page Rank, and a domain has Authority. Imagine that the White house has a PR2 page and the Houston City Council has a PR2 page.

    In both cases the contents of the page earn them a PR 2. But obviously The White House obviously has much more Authority than the Houston City Council. Do you agree? <they will>

    If I were to put up a link from the HCC site to the White house, it does not pass any Authority because the White House already has more Authority than HCC. But if the White House links to the HCC site it passes some of its higher Authority down to the site that has less authority.

    The more high value sites that link to you pass more authority to you adding to your web site's total."
    I know it is flawed on several levels as far as explaining the subject, but it gives them enough info to chew on that it usually satisfies them.
     
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  17. CPAKing11

    CPAKing11 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    The Client is Always Right

     
  18. mikemeth

    mikemeth Power Member

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    haha nice ones :))
     
  19. silentthunder

    silentthunder Power Member

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    More incentive for me to get out of the service business and focus on cpa and ppc.
     
  20. TheMasterOfMoney

    TheMasterOfMoney Power Member

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    "We want to go VIRAL with this video but without infecting other people's computers. Can you please do it ASAP? Thx."