Chuck Norris Facts...

A few of my favorites:

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.


As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."


Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves.


When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he's not lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.


Why did we bomb Hiroshima? Because sending Chuck Norris was just too inhumane.


And my all time favorite:

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways - just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is!

chuck norris does not sleep...he waits

There is no evolution, just animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

Think of a hot woman, Chuck Norris has slept with her.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water.

Chuck Norris can believe it's butter.

Chuck Norris has 2 speeds. Sleep and Kill.

I could go on and on and on.

The Twelve Steps Were Only .5% Effective Until They Were Revised - Now They Are 100% Effective

These are the revised Twelve Steps now used by Alcoholics Anonymous.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Chuck Norris as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to Chuck Norris, to ourselves, and to another human beings the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have Chuck Norris remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Chuck Norris to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or mess up Chuck Norris' hairdo.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Chuck Norris as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs so we could better serve Chuck Norris' master plan.

-From Wikipedia

Chuck Norris took a math test and put down "Violence" for every answer and got a perfect score. Chuck Norris solves all of his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, He decides what time it is.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

This was a great thread. I knew Chuck Norris was the shit, but I didn't realize how great he was until I googled Chuck Norris Facts. Wow he is an amazing guy.

When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

Seriously though I didn't know this existed. I spent a while today reading http://chucknorrisfacts.com and I believe at least 99.9% of it is true, although 100% is possible.

Ok here is a question for everyone:

Chuck Norris vs Chuck "Iceman" Liddell...

Who wins?

That's a ridiculous question. Chuck Norris of course.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win....... Forever.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.

One time, Chuck Norris played bloody knuckles with a brick wall... and won.

interesting thread. "chuck norris"