For a small business owner, not familiar with industry Jargon, that page is great.
Clean, simple, sell them what they're probably after.
Also, whitespace. Your notes seem fine, but if that was the LP, it'd be shit, cluttered, too busy.
A page is complete when there's nothing else you can REMOVE.
- Brand
- Offer
- Call to action
Is the a basic formula.
Or AIDA Attention Interest Desire Action.
IE a working contact/payment form visible always where appropriate.
But whatever works, works. Test test test. Stats are useful....
And working forms that don't piss people off
Someone with purchase intent and abilty should be no more than 2-3 clicks away from a completed transaction.
Consider purchasing is often a process, not a a singular event.
What works for 20k software, is overkill for a $100 bottle of pills.
Having spent the last week looking at Google's offerings vs other cloud services for a client, here's one that I personally very much like.
http://www.google.com/enterprise/apps/business/
It's sexy, slick, informative, and keeps you on track to making a purchase decision,
through means other than the first page I landed on.
