advice from teens

also if ur looking for a solution to stop the smoking buy a pack of cigs and make him eat a few. worked on my aunt when she was a kid apparently

After I think about it, I wonder if they will just release him if you don't come get him. Maybe he can walk home?

You'll figure it out. As a father of two boys (and 2 girls lol), I imagine it's alot harder to use the advice than giving it. As a parent, it would be hard to leave them in jail overnight or even make them walk home.

Chris

Hate to say it but he's after attention. You keep giving him love n attention when he's in trouble you actually try talking to him. What do you do when he's not in trouble? Whats happened with his dad/does he spend ne time with him?

Forget punishing him, spend some quality time together, leave ur computer/laptop at home n go out for the day, or away for the weekend.

If you keep punishing him your on a downward spiral - what happens when he stops coming home etc. Start working on a positive bond now.

Don't listen to the teenagers on here. There advice is jaded by the fact that they are at the same age and can't look back on the decisions they made and the consequences. It is going to be difficult for you to get him to listen to you. You will suffer like you mentioned with grounding him for a month. It is important to separate him from the bad influences in his life.if the problem is severe enough, it may even warrant moving to a different area. It is important to show him love through the process though.

gbmack said:

I'm 15.

Don't beat him up. If you have beaten him up regularly since he was 6 years old, then you can do it.

I usually rebel against my parents if they don't let me do something, so they pretty much let me do anything.

This is, I don't try to be a loser by drinking, smoking, stealing, etc.

The only thing you could have done was prevent it from happening in the first place.

I used to be addicted to video games, and I swear to you my parents could not do anything to stop me.

They should have prevented it from happening in the first place.

My advice? Let your older son be. Eventually he will learn how destructive his behavior is. When he turns 18 kick him out the house, and tell him to man up.

Focus on your younger son. Make sure to prevent any bad behaviors from consuming your younger son.

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muslickzz said:

Can I ask.. Where's dad at?

Sometimes it can be difficult for a boy to learn how to be a man.. without one present.

If dad is not in the picture.. well I'd find one.. be it a big brother.. or mentor.. or cop.

I know half the time I stayed in line cause I didn't want to get locked up and half the time cause I didn't want my dad to beat my ass..

Parenting is not something you just start doing out of the blue, I am a parent of a 7yr old and a 1 1/2yr old. My son would never be out drinking at 15 cause the VERY FIRST time I found out he was drinking his world would cease to be for as long as I deemed it necessary. I meet most of my son's friends and their parents.. If they do not pass my screening he DOES NOT see them.

It is not your job to be his friend (This has to start from the beginning) it is your job to be his PARENT. If that allows you to become friends good.. if not your main goal is to get him to adulthood in one piece, and if it means he hates you for six months so be it. What do you want a son who is a felon/drug user who loves you? or a son who is clean and successful? Correct Discipline will instill respect and respect brings the desire to emulate and love, their parents as well as themselves.

Hmm.. I think...

lol

-Mus

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his dad and i are divorced , still very good friends just married too young...but hes 900 miles away.

I do have a new partner who is very stable and has been with us a number of years now , its just he is very strict ( hot hitting or anything , neither of have ever hit him ) but he is harsh with punishments ...like he will stick to his word and no matter what wont back down ..so if my son gets grounded it sticks , where as with me i usually let him off after a few days because i feel sorry for him..., im the soft one and i think my partner finds it hard because i get upset when hes goes off at my son and then my sons upset...but he says im not consistant enough and need to follow through... ..he says a step-dads role is really difficult sometimes ....i dunno if many of you will understand but even though hes a really good guy and cares about him its really hard to let someone else take control of your child ...maybe i should of , looks that way now

spank that little ass until it is black and blue. Take everything out of his room and lock him in there. He will learn if he does bad stuff he will have to suffer.

xonica said:

his dad and i are divorced , still very good friends just married too young...but hes 900 miles away.

I do have a new partner who is very stable and has been with us a number of years now , its just he is very strict ( hot hitting or anything , neither of have ever hit him ) but he is harsh with punishments ...like he will stick to his word and no matter what wont back down ..so if my son gets grounded it sticks , where as with me i usually let him off after a few days because i feel sorry for him..., im the soft one and i think my partner finds it hard because i get upset when hes goes off at my son and then my sons upset...but he says im not consistant enough and need to follow through... ..he says a step-dads role is really difficult sometimes ....i dunno if many of you will understand but even though hes a really good guy and cares about him its really hard to let someone else take control of your child ...maybe i should of , looks that way now

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Sounds to me like you know exactly what to do...

You and he should be a united front! One Unit!

He obviously knows what he is doing... Being nice has NOT worked so why do it..?

The definition of insane is what? doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? right? Your not insane are you?

Try it.. you'll like it.. BUT don't just let him be the bad guy.. you BOTH need to be the bad guy.

nuff said..

-Mus

Oh and you do have to remove things he likes.. it's key. and add them back only as he EARNS them thru respect for you.... RESPECT is key.. perhaps the meaning has been lost at your house.. perhaps you better get it back.

I was an out of control teen and i definitely had to learn the hard way. I had a baby at 16, so I had no choice but to get my life together. Suicide is not something to be toyed with, but it's also a threat to you. Threatening you with a feeling of grief and regret if he went through with it. Hopefully, he's just trying to scare you. I wouldn't take his threats lightly. You are the parent, and he is the child. Period. I'm 20 now, and even when I was acting out as a teen I didn't speak to my mom a certain way. I definitely didn't say no. I was just very sneaky about things.

Don't tolerate him saying no you. It's not an option. Don't let him continue to disrespect you by being disobedient. Don't give him money, or anything else that isn't a necessity. Don't let him laugh when you ask him a serious question.

Sit down and talk to him man to man. When you do, tell him you're serious about the talk and you want to know why he's doing all of this. Does he really know where it's leading? Does he know the other people he's really hurting. Tell him you love him and will always be there for him, but you can't take part in messing his life up by rewarding him.

(And let him know next time he wants to go out and get drunk or high he won't have time to right a god damn suicide letter. Kick His Ass.)

-pro whoopens

maybe you don't want to - "You need to show him who is boss!"

Just stay away and don't talk to him for days, weeks, and he will soon want to come talk with you.Now take him and family to a world tour, go to temples and see things.

Don't control him much, if his life sucks, he will blame you for that.Let him live his life, and most importantly, you should take care of yourself and not depend on him, and he should not depend on you.

Because slowly, he will have a gf, move out and live his life.So, take things more wisely.

Let him follow his friends, it's the right thing to do, if friends are not good, then you are living in a wrong place in the first place so you can't blame him, move to place where people are good but let him live his life or don't move but let him drink and enjoy life.

Hope it made sense, lol.

Move away! I was a troubled teen and that fixed my ass. It was only 20 minutes away, too.

He's at that age where you can only offer advice to your son. You can no longer tell him what to do.

A kid is trying to find himself and wants to make decisions on his own. I'd suggest just being more personal and bond with him. Figure out what his goals are in life and what he's trying to accomplish. Explain how people don't just get what they want in life they have to work and fight for it.

You cannot tell him what to do or how to act. You can suggest this is a better way to act because. But by demanding or forcing things, nothing will ever happen. My dad tries to tell me what to do and I purposely don't care or listen to what he has to say, also because of his own personal history and experience.

It's just we are all individuals and we enjoy to think and make decisions individually. You can help in the process of debating what decision I will choose, but in the end it is my decision.

I'm 22 years old and going on 23. I've yet to get my life together and I am productive at times but not all the time. I do smoke weed and do drink. It's a work in progress and I'm still working on it. I can tell you a few years ago, I didn't really know what I wanted or what I wanted to do in my life. I can also tell by the younger people I meet in school, they aren't as focused on their future as someone whose already 20+. I can honestly say at the age of 18, I didn't want to grow up because 18 doesn't come around again .

When you are 15, nothing really matters to you but being 15 and enjoying it. I did run my own business at 15 but then I got tired of it and took a break. I went back to being a kid, realized later on that I do need money and I must work hard for it.

As long as your son, knows and understand that he eventually will need to make money for himself. So he can have his own house, car, money and a family someday. I believe, this is the most important thing you need to tell your kids.

They eventually need to fend for life on their own. Just like any animal in the wild.

Some kids are just more motivated than others.

I wouldn't recommend scolding your kids or punishing them. If you keep just taking things away or punishing. You guys are just going to be fighting always. Myself as a kid, I won't put up with that childish behavior. If you think, I am a child. What you are doing by taking things away is childish.

A kid and parent should have mutual respect for each other. You have to realize, all your kids really have are you. Their friends are only there for fun. Friends can't support their own friends because the parents friends are supporting them. Your kids have to be able to go to your for guidance and help if they need any, in whatever it is. If you are always on their ass about shit. They really will never open up to you because they dont' want to hear your crap. The whole point is to just love your kids unconditionally and help them however you can.

It's tough shit but parents just don't win. Give your kids some reason to love your ass, then they'll respect you and do what you say because they want to make you happy, because you've been there for them. What else is family about?

the hell is wrong with u for letting ur kid go out with these people?

keep him on lockdown and be tough.

Take what you've learned from IM:

Easy, but boring things + Incentives = $$$ (Or you getting what you want)

I have recently done pretty much the same as your son, and i have to say... my mum tried the harsh approach and i would say it worked. She didnt lay a finger on me, mainly because im bigger than her and although i wouldn't actually harm her i could easily defend myself.... and i was crazy enough at the time to.

Im still not allowed out at the moment (one of the reasons i joined BHW... i got a site and since im grounded i thought i would give seo a go)

I was grounded for going out with the wrong people, getting drunk etc. I had a house party at my dads while he was on holiday, when i came home she read through my texts as she thought something was up and found out. She confronted me later that day and went ape! it didnt really scare me as such but made me realise how much she actualy cared which i think made more of a difference to me, she could take what ever she wanted away from me but i think the thing that had the biggest effect on me was that i saw how much of an effect i was having on others around me.

Its made me think about what i have done and i realise i was in the wrong and wont do it again, she is allowing me to drink as long as she knows where i am, who im with etc. and i think i will tell her this... and i wont drink stupidly as i realise what a b*stard i was!

Im not sure if any of that has helped but it may give you a few ideas or something... maybe... and it was in abit of a dodgey order so im sorry

1) Suicidethoughts are normal among teenagers. Even I have had suicide thoughts. But not many writes them down. This can be really serious, if it happens again I advice you to take it up in a calm maner. Whatever you do, do not burst open the door yelling "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!". That will not make anything better, but everything worse.

2) Talk to the other parents, try to make them realise what they are letting they're children do. It's not right, and most likely illegal and don't take "We can't stop them" for an answer, you can always stop them. If they can't it just shows that they child(ren) does not respect them as authority figures. And that is something they should deal with. Parents need to be respected, feared and on the same time liked. This is tremendeousley hard to accomplish, but it will pay off. The parents need to set boundries for their children and stick with them. If they don't it won't work. The punishments for when the child(ren) crosses the magical line should be feared, but still not completely unfair. But the parent should also be respected as a family figur of comfort and kindness. Yup, it sucks, but you have to do it. And please stick away from the "good parent, bad parent" style...

3) Raise hell? What can he do that you can't do ten times worse? Lets say he breaks a window, wow, he just rebelled. You have controll over his bank account, no? If he breaks it on purpose he pays for it. You break it, you buy it principle. Also, the worst punishment I ever got was when my father blocked my out of the router for one week (only took 1 and a half day until I had cracked the router password though.). Try that on him, block his MAC-address in the router Cpanel. FOr other punishments, take his phone? Take his computer? Take his playstation? make him remember that he's living with you, and that you're in charge!

4) I'm 16 and writing this post have given me greater insight than anything ever before xD

~Hellfire