advice from teens

sharpie349 said:

I'm a teenager so I can relate to a point.
A kid who listens to rap is usually more of the jock type.
I doubt a kid who goes out with the girls and listens to Eminem would want to go play video games all day or take a kung fu class which is most likely filled with other kids not in the jock category(geeks usually) so I highly doubt he would go with that.
That's just my opinion so don't take my word for it!!!
Hope you find a way to handle your son!!!
Looks like you have alot of your hands.

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yep you totally hit the nail on the head with him. he is in that catagory , my younger son isnt,neither me nor my partner are , lol we all play WoW as a family , a family of geeks ...except him , i broached the martial arts subject and it was instantly rejected by him for those very reasons. You guys have given me some perspective and a lot to think about though so thanks!

xonica said:

yep you totally hit the nail on the head with him. he is in that catagory , my younger son isnt,neither me nor my partner are , lol we all play WoW as a family , a family of geeks ...except him , i broached the martial arts subject and it was instantly rejected by him for those very reasons. You guys have given me some perspective and a lot to think about though so thanks!

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Your son seems to be... complex.


So here's my most complex and machiavelic plan to date:

1. Create a FaceBook account with a hot chick;
2. After getting to know your son, tell him about a party on adress XXXXX;
3. Convince your friends to let the door to their house open;
4. Hire a couple of guys dressed as cops, or better yet, call the police when they (your son and friends) head to the house;
5. ?????
6. Police caughts them breaking in a house, he'll spend the night in jail and get the scare of his life.

He'll straight up in no time.

n8800 said:

Beat his ass... My parents beat my ass when ever i acted like a little douchebag that taught me to respect them.... Im glad they did.

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You have won the shittiest advice award.:soapbox:

gbmack said:

I'm 15.

Don't beat him up. If you have beaten him up regularly since he was 6 years old, then you can do it.

I usually rebel against my parents if they don't let me do something, so they pretty much let me do anything.

This is, I don't try to be a loser by drinking, smoking, stealing, etc.

The only thing you could have done was prevent it from happening in the first place.

I used to be addicted to video games, and I swear to you my parents could not do anything to stop me.

They should have prevented it from happening in the first place.

My advice? Let your older son be. Eventually he will learn how destructive his behavior is. When he turns 18 kick him out the house, and tell him to man up.

Focus on your younger son. Make sure to prevent any bad behaviors from consuming your younger son.

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This is the BEST advice you 'll probably get here. And I am not 15.
Might I add that you get some professional advice too? Spend some money on getting yourself better and then go for your son.

My parents instilled in me when i was young that what they say goes. I can do pretty much what i want, but i am always respectful to them and they word is the law pretty much.

If i fucked around i would get a spanking when i was younger or when i was older i would either get pushed around or something or get shit taken away. I think i turned out a better kid because of it. Honestly idk why parents are so dead against using a bit of physical force on kids. Obviously don't beat them up, but show them who's boss. Is he respectful to your boyfriend/husband?

Your son sounds like a wigger. Here, they get their asses kicked by either black kids because they try and hang with them, or by regular white kids.

Hopefully I can help, I just turned 16.

Drinking and smoking at 14 and 15 is not uncommon at all. I've been smoking and drinking since I was 12. Granted, I'm more mature than most other kids, so it wasn't as big of a deal for me.

My parents have been divorced since I was 6. They have joint custody, so I go back and forth from house to house. Something I realized was that my dad is a lot "cooler" than my mom. He knows I smoke and drink, and considers it to be a part of growing up. However, I realize that I was more motivated to do "the bad stuff" when I was on my mom's time, because I felt like I was a hardass.

You can take two approaches. Number one would be to lay down the law on him and take all his shit until he gets in line. However, he'll probably just be more careful about you finding out about stuff.

Approach number two would be to sit down with him and have a talk with him. Tell him you know that he drinks and smokes, and you understand what it feels like, because you were a teen at one point too. Let him know that you don't approve of his shit, but you want him to be able to grow up and have some fun in life. Let him know that if he ever needs to get out of a bad situation (his friends are wasted and want to go out driving, etc) that he can call you and you won't be mad at him, even if he's wasted himself.

Either way, you want to establish some trust with him and make sure he knows that honesty won't get him in trouble.

Lastly, just remember that it's a phase. I was convicted of three things in the course of 5 months when I was his age. I haven't been arrested once since. It'll pass and he'll learn. With that being said, it might be beneficial to the situation if he does infact get caught doing something wrong and ends up being put on probation for whatever it is.

Goodluck.

Sliv3r said:

and yeah make sure that ur kids don't listen to rock music..
coz believe me the kids who listen to these songs they become hardcore in their early ages..

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Haha you're ignorant. I listen to the heaviest rock you can think of and I have never and will never drink or smoke. If anything listening to rap where they glamorize smoking and drinking is what will mess him up. But hey, I listen to Eminem too so I can't say music influences me in that way either. Btw, I'm 17.

I am 25 but I smoked weed and drank every weekend from my sophomore year to my senior of high school. My memory is exceptional so I can recall the events that contributed to my delinquency(but not much after I became a delinquent.=p)

First thing is that you need to stop trying to parent him, that works great when your kids are young. By parent I mean telling him what is wrong, what is right, and punishing him all the time. All of that should have taken place when he was younger. My parents did a great job of that up until I was about 13 years old when I realized my parents weren't perfect. (That fucked me up)

There was a noticeable difference when I was in high school, my parents just kind of backed off and let me make my own choices. I ended up getting in trouble when those choices were incorrect. I think a better approach would have been to position themselves as more of a coach.

As a coach they can provide guidance towards goals, making decisions, and staying out of trouble because I would have been motivated to do more than just smoke weed and play Diablo 2. I wish my parents would have done that for me because I would be way better off than I am now, I would have gotten into entrepreneurship sooner. The same thing happened to my wife, her single mom went from being strict Jehovah's Witnesses to just kind of stopping all together.

Help your boys figure out what is important to them and work with them to achieve it. They have real life coming up fast and they need someone to coach them through it, if you keep punishing them the way you are you are going to push them away, allowing them to continue.

They are going to do what they are going to do but with guidance they might make better choices.

In my honest opinion if your son was my son I would show the kid some tough love. Make him serve "rock duty". Give him a bucket and tell him to pick up every rock in the yard. Its an impossible missions but it shows who the boss. I know when I was 14-15 I was drinking and smoking and looking back at it I wish I had waited. Now I am 18 years old and moved away onward with my life. I stopped hanging out with the friends that got me into the mess etc. I occasionally drink and smoke now but now as much as I used to. In the next year I am going to school for law enforcement to become a state trooper. You just need to get him hanging out with a better group of people and show some tough love. I hope everything goes ok.

drinking is fine seriously, im 16 and have been since 14, I guess its different laws as I'm in NZ? Smoking is desgusting though, no benefits.

A little update here , how i wish id listened to those who said to liock him in his room with just a matress.

Its 10pm over here in the UK and my son has only just stopped being grounded this week , was of tonight to stay at one of his friends houses in town. 20 mins a go the phone rang it was the police....youre sons being interviewed we need your permission what with him being under 16 etc..hes smashed a car window, im like wtf why? ....they say they dont know and tell me they will know more after the interview , i put the phone down and my son calls tells me not to shout cuz hes scared as it is...i dont shout...put down the phone cops phone back cant bring him home cuz they are too busy tonight so I have to pay to get him home in a taxi which costs 50 pounds from town to where i live thats over a hundred dollars....and basically my grocery shopping for the week gone. I dont know because ive never been in this situation before but i expect im going to have to find somehow to pay for the window too as im the responsable one right? ..liken i need this ontop of fucking christmas coming....he is so dead when he gets in

If you don't want to spend your grocery money, couldn't you leave him there until the cops aren't busy? Or are they insisting you get him now?

As far as paying for the window, get his butt in there on the computer doing something for you to pay that back. Heck, I'd tag on the cost to get him also if you have to go get him.

Chris

I told you to beat his ass and lock him in his room. Take everything out of his room except a mattress and tell him this is your jail cell.

You should leave him there over night. After reading the first post, my recommendation was to take him into a jail anyways

Tell him that if he wants to act like a man - your going to treat him like one. From now on make him pay for his own shit (including food) and tell him that he'll need to begin paying rent soon - especially if he doesn't wise up and understand that he's living in your domain.

In this situation - it seems like he knows you give a fuck about him. And he may be using that to his advantage.

Great advice!

Trueblood said:

First off drinking and smoking at 15?!? You need to show him who is boss! Take away everything in his room except for a blanket in a mattress and ground him from going out. Who cares if he gets angry? He will learn not to do what he is doing. Second sit down with him and give him a heart to heart talk. Talk about how much you care for him and tell him about what can happen if he keeps on the path he is going. Once he knows that you love and care for him he won't always have to be proving himself to others.



EDIT* Paddle his ass till he can't sit down!

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he mocks my work and hates computers so actually thats a brilliant idea...i just spoke to the police they wont keep him there because they cant say for sure they will have time at all this evening to take him back home.

thanks for your imput

Not a teen, but anyway, maybe I can put it in a different perspective.

Drank a whole lot in my youth until about 25-26 when I just got tired of it and now I drink like a "normal" person. I smoke around 2 packets a day thou (damn it's expensive) but I didn't start until I was 20.

For my suggestions.

Drinking. You stated yourself that he has two passions in life, alcohol and girls. That was my passions in life (still is but I got more now) when I was his age, so taking other things won't work. However you can't take thoose two away from him unless you are going to lock him up forever. wich I really don't recommend.
What happend to me and worked for me was when my parents discoverd that we where brewing our own beer in our addict. Instead of grounding me, yelling at me, telling the other kids parents that where involved they allowed it under supervision. This way me and my friends got a hobby, a passion, something we cared about. My parents on the other hand got another angle at approching us kids. They trusted us, we trusted them. Whenever anyone was in trouble we could always turn to my parents. They got the time and attention from us that they needed to instill what was proper behavior and what was not, we still made our mistakes etc, but there was a cushion to fall back on.

Today, when I am 30, all of my friends that where with me in that period of time still remember my parents as the ones that changed their childhood to the better and they have the most respect of them even today.

As for the smokes, buy 3 packets of red commerce without filter, make him smoke them in 5 hours and he will never smoke again (untested, but that is what I will do to my kids if I catch them smoking)

xonica said:

A little update here , how i wish id listened to those who said to liock him in his room with just a matress.

Its 10pm over here in the UK and my son has only just stopped being grounded this week , was of tonight to stay at one of his friends houses in town. 20 mins a go the phone rang it was the police....youre sons being interviewed we need your permission what with him being under 16 etc..hes smashed a car window, im like wtf why? ....they say they dont know and tell me they will know more after the interview , i put the phone down and my son calls tells me not to shout cuz hes scared as it is...i dont shout...put down the phone cops phone back cant bring him home cuz they are too busy tonight so I have to pay to get him home in a taxi which costs 50 pounds from town to where i live thats over a hundred dollars....and basically my grocery shopping for the week gone. I dont know because ive never been in this situation before but i expect im going to have to find somehow to pay for the window too as im the responsable one right? ..liken i need this ontop of fucking christmas coming....he is so dead when he gets in

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to start off... im 16. was it really a good idea to let him stay over his friends house. you knew exactly what they would be doing. and drinking and smoking is no big deal at all.i smoke(w33d), but dont drink. hate alcohol. dont hit u son. dont even touch him. it is something instinctive and your realationship will be wounded forever. when he gets home dont say a word other then "go to your fucking room now." tommorow morning tell him that he is not to leave the house until you give him permission. let him just get scared shitless. wait a day or 2 without saying much to him, then just FLIP OUT. go ape shit on him. make him fear you. i am scared shitless of what my parents will do to me if i even got caught talking about weed, and theyve never touched me. he will fear you. take away everything he enjoys in life. music, phone, friends. make him sit in his room with the blinds shut. no tv no nothing. make his life a living hell. then after about 2-3 weeks of this give him something to do to make money. 10$ to mow the lawn. make him like money. then show him IM while hes grounded. tell him he can use the comptuer as long as hes using IM. give him a week of looking into it, and then he weill become obsessed with it, and u wont have to worry about him anymore.... plus no need for college =)

o and also make him listen to some reggae kinda music... itll really settle him down

Can I ask.. Where's dad at?

Sometimes it can be difficult for a boy to learn how to be a man.. without one present.

If dad is not in the picture.. well I'd find one.. be it a big brother.. or mentor.. or cop.

I know half the time I stayed in line cause I didn't want to get locked up and half the time cause I didn't want my dad to beat my ass..

Parenting is not something you just start doing out of the blue, I am a parent of a 7yr old and a 1 1/2yr old. My son would never be out drinking at 15 cause the VERY FIRST time I found out he was drinking his world would cease to be for as long as I deemed it necessary. I meet most of my son's friends and their parents.. If they do not pass my screening he DOES NOT see them.

It is not your job to be his friend (This has to start from the beginning) it is your job to be his PARENT. If that allows you to become friends good.. if not your main goal is to get him to adulthood in one piece, and if it means he hates you for six months so be it. What do you want a son who is a felon/drug user who loves you? or a son who is clean and successful? Correct Discipline will instill respect and respect brings the desire to emulate and love, their parents as well as themselves.

Hmm.. I think...

lol

-Mus

you payed for his taxi??? what the fuck??? Let him stay overnight and learn some consequences.