advice from teens

Not sure why I am asking this in here but this is really the only access I have where a lot of younger guys gather together.

My sons 14 coming up 15 and hes driving me to the brink right now. Stealing ( hes on a months grounding at the moment now for stealing a bottle of booze from someones house ) drinking at weekends , trouble is all his friends are allowed to drink, the parents dont seem to give a damn, and now ive just found out hes smoking too. Hes moody and aggressive and said today he lives for the weekends and i cant stop him going out and getting drunk because he will raise hell here if i do. Now I know I can pt my foot down and i dont mind him hating on me but a few weeks ago i found a suicide note in his room, i confronted him about it and he laughed it off , said it was an old note he had written when he was angry when id punished him for something ..but now im scared to come down too hard on him incase he does try something stupid , one of the girls in his group of friends had tried this a few tiomes nbow and im told it can be a learned behaviour.

If i stop him going out his lifes going to be miserable all his friends have so much more freedom but im petrified hes going to get sick whilst drinking and something bads going to happen , argh,....nothing i do seems to be enough for him , i have another son whos younger ..a good example would be to say i could offer them both 100 dollars one would say thank you!! the other would say thank you!!..i dont suppose youve got an extrra 20 have you?

any thoughts on what might work to calm his behaviour down would be welcomed. He comes off as a really confidant guy , all the best clothes , spends all this time making sure he looks good , always got a bunch of girls sniffing around him but when i looked at his msn scrolls they paint quite a different picture of someone pretty insecure , stealing to try and prove himself and be popular with his peers ect..he has no interest in anything other then going out and girl -period- bought him a xbox360 hes used it twice , not interested...im at a loss

im rambling now so will leave it there , and like i said any thoughts will be appreciated

First off drinking and smoking at 15?!? You need to show him who is boss! Take away everything in his room except for a blanket in a mattress and ground him from going out. Who cares if he gets angry? He will learn not to do what he is doing. Second sit down with him and give him a heart to heart talk. Talk about how much you care for him and tell him about what can happen if he keeps on the path he is going. Once he knows that you love and care for him he won't always have to be proving himself to others.



EDIT* Paddle his ass till he can't sit down!

Find some other kids who are older who started off like him and then totally f##ked up their lives etc to come talk to him
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Take him to church and have him hang out at youth group.

hmm i am 20 now...and still i have never smoked a cig and never tried drinking...the thing is that..my parents were not strict at all..the thing they did was..that
they showed me a lot of shity videos abt drug addicts ..patients of lung cancer (bcoz of smoking obviously)
they made the awareness in me at the age of 11-12 .. and i got scared..
just show ur lil kid the side effects of these things in life..
use YT and tv shows..
tell him that this will ruin ur life...never drink in front of ur kids..
and yeah make sure that ur kids don't listen to rock music..
coz believe me the kids who listen to these songs they become hardcore in their early ages..

Move to Alaska, but make sure you have internet for your BHing activities.


Seriously, move away from that redneck/ghetto town.

Convince him to do some kind of sports... not the kind of sports that incentivate jock culture.
Try karate, or better yet, kung fu. A mixed class (girls and boys of around 20 people) will be perfect.

He'll have a sensei (teacher) to guide him though while he evolves. Kung-fu is great to learn humility and self control, and after he starts hanging out with his kung-fu peers he'll start having a different perspective of things, as they do.

The drinking and smoking problem is not that serious, if he does it moderately and not to "be cool". If he starts taking kung-fu more seriously (competitively) he'll even drop of smoking alltogether.

Regarding the booze, try getting some friends couples with kids of his age and go for a "night out". It'll be hard to convince him, but let him know (like it was an acident) that there will be cute girls in there. Go dinner and convince him to drink a glass of wine there. When you exit the restaurant, suggest the kids to go together to a night club or bar.

If the other kids are not problematic, he'll learn he can have more fun if he learns how to drink properly


Hope this helps,
LadRak

treat him as a friend, you are his best friend, only that you are more senior and experienced, don't be too strict on him but don't be too loose either.there should be a balance. Discuss things with him . He's only 15 , you should see through his eyes , cant expect him to behave like a mature guy.

Teach him IM . When he starts making money , he will spend more of his time productively. Spend more time with him, maybe he needs more attention from you or/and your wife ? Go fishing , sport, etc together.

ftpaccess said:

I think he is just trying to find himself. If you let him be on his own and try not to yell at him, since personalities like your son are considerably above average. But they are also confused about what path they have to take. Try to have a conversation with him about who he compares himself to be among major personalities. Try to find out what his niche is. I am not a psychiatrist but i have seen with my experience that most of the noisy kids have a lot of energy in them which they are trying to release out. As long as going out and girls..that is normal i guess for a kid of his age. He got to stop drinking since the law alone would destroy his future career if he carries it on.

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In terms of idols , lol..im sat downstairs and all i can hear and all i do ever hear from his room is Eminem..so i guess that answers that one..

To whoever it was who said dont drink infront of him , I dont drink at all - ever-, I do smoke though.

The heartfelt converstions ive had over and over , hes seen me petrified for himn , crying for him , but hes caught up in the world-revolves-around-him syndrome and I dont think any amount of calm talking is going to help. Here in the UK underage drinking is a massive problem and where I live which is a tiny island its even more so , lack of things to do play an almost inherited acceptance that teens are ok to have a drink. He is a fantastic athlete , always won everything and had his mind set on a career in health/sport but i dont see that happening now. If it was only as easy as the first poster said , remove all his stuff , his pc , he dosnt care , his xbox , he dosnt care...he literally only cares about going out , and this month long grounding i have placed on him right now is probabaly more of a punishment for me anyway because he is a sulky nightmare!!!!

thank to all of you that replied xxx

Beat his ass... My parents beat my ass when ever i acted like a little douchebag that taught me to respect them.... Im glad they did.

dizen said:

treat him as a friend, you are his best friend, only that you are more senior and experienced,

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Worst...Idea...Ever...

Do what Trueblood suggested.

u will have to take some major steps or he will ruin his life...
coz his next step will be to try drugs....as a new experience...
u should be lil stickt i guess.i mean u cant just sit there...
talk to the parents of his friends...tell them that their kids should stay away from ur kid or u will kill them..
minimize his pocket money..tell him that if u want the money for cigs and for beers then u dont have money at all...
the best thing is that u should show him some sick videos abt the patients..
i am telling u it will work..
tell him that if u ll keep doing this in the end u will not be able to do sex ever in ur life..
scare him..

I'm 15.

Don't beat him up. If you have beaten him up regularly since he was 6 years old, then you can do it.

I usually rebel against my parents if they don't let me do something, so they pretty much let me do anything.

This is, I don't try to be a loser by drinking, smoking, stealing, etc.

The only thing you could have done was prevent it from happening in the first place.

I used to be addicted to video games, and I swear to you my parents could not do anything to stop me.

They should have prevented it from happening in the first place.

My advice? Let your older son be. Eventually he will learn how destructive his behavior is. When he turns 18 kick him out the house, and tell him to man up.

Focus on your younger son. Make sure to prevent any bad behaviors from consuming your younger son.

I'm a teenager so I can relate to a point.
A kid who listens to rap is usually more of the jock type.
I doubt a kid who goes out with the girls and listens to Eminem would want to go play video games all day or take a kung fu class which is most likely filled with other kids not in the jock category(geeks usually) so I highly doubt he would go with that.
That's just my opinion so don't take my word for it!!!
Hope you find a way to handle your son!!!
Looks like you have alot of your hands.

LadRak said:

Convince him to do some kind of sports... not the kind of sports that incentivate jock culture.
Try karate, or better yet, kung fu. A mixed class (girls and boys of around 20 people) will be perfect.

He'll have a sensei (teacher) to guide him though while he evolves. Kung-fu is great to learn humility and self control, and after he starts hanging out with his kung-fu peers he'll start having a different perspective of things, as they do.

The drinking and smoking problem is not that serious, if he does it moderately and not to "be cool". If he starts taking kung-fu more seriously (competitively) he'll even drop of smoking alltogether.

Regarding the booze, try getting some friends couples with kids of his age and go for a "night out". It'll be hard to convince him, but let him know (like it was an acident) that there will be cute girls in there. Go dinner and convince him to drink a glass of wine there. When you exit the restaurant, suggest the kids to go together to a night club or bar.

If the other kids are not problematic, he'll learn he can have more fun if he learns how to drink properly


Hope this helps,
LadRak

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He has to get in trouble to learn from what I see. You guys let him get there, now it will be hard to get him back. Let him see how jail feels like for a few days once he gets into trouble. Get him involved in something more safe. Balance his life more. Teach him some black hat method.

Goto the local PD tell them to help u out straightening out ur son believe me they will help u willingly

xonica said:

In terms of idols , lol..im sat downstairs and all i can hear and all i do ever hear from his room is Eminem..so i guess that answers that one..

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You need to use that to your advantage, Read up on Eminem and the issues he has had with drug addiction.

Also compile some videos of people who have had to deal with it.

Figure out or find a AA type place and take him there. Sit with him during sessions.


The thing is at least for me. I started doing all of that when I was 10-11. I started smoking weed when I was 12. I still smoke cigs and the only drugs are take are prescribed to me. I stopped drinking because I didn't want to be an alcholic.

Yes ground his ass and lock him in his room. No matter what stay consistent with him and don't back down.

Ok second suggestion:

Find his booze and cig stash and steal it. Also take all of his stuff in his room. When he gets home to find he has nothing say SOMEONE STOLE ALL YOUR STUFF. He will know how it feels to someone when they get something stolen. NEXT act like you are drunk and start beating him. After you have done this for awhile act normal and tell him that is what you will turn into.

Just putting your foot down is only going to make him do it more and more. My parents started giving me drinks when I was like ten. Because it wasnt forbidden, I didn't have nearly as much interest in binge drinking as my friends who werent allowed to drink at home. You need to teach moderation, not just ban something.