Add your best NEW jokes 100 words or less only please.

Please feel free to add yours, but please keep it to 100 words maximum if possible

A few decent jokes / one liners to relax / laugh to.....​

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

"I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

"I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them."

"I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

"Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

How do you turn a fox into a cow? Marry it!

Secret Lawyer Code ....

You have to take the LSAT (legal scholastic aptitude test) to get into law school but you don't learn what the REAL meaning of LSAT is until you're a lawyer.

LSAT stands for the Lying, Shitty, Asshole Test - once you pass it you get to become one.

BTW, I wrote this myself - guess I met a LSA who passed the test.

Enjoy.

What's the difference between a blonde and a freezer?

A freeze won't fart when you pull your meat out of it! :loco:

Difference Between a Blonde and Mosquito? Mosquito's stop sucking when you slap em xD

How do you get a fat chick into bed?

Piece o' cake!

A dyslexic man walks into a BRA

the 10 seconds you spend ( after taking a dump) pondering your next move when you're on the toilet and there is no toilet paper.

A guy with a black eye is waiting for a train and sees another guy with a black eye sit down and wait too. After a while he asks "I gotta ask how did you get your black eye?" "Well I went to order my ticket and the hot blonde behind the desk had large breasts and I slipped 'One ticket to Titsburgh", so she hit me. And you?" 'Funny, almost the exact same thing! I was at home having dinner with my wife and went to ask 'would you please pass the salt', but ended up saying 'You f-ing b*** you ruined my life!"

what's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer, a prostitute can wash her crack and resell it.

gonzomcribbinz said:

Fuck you, all my jokes are at least 150 words.

Click to expand...

If your jokes are that funny, then share them please.... we will make exceptions4u
:apple:

what's an old man's sex life and a vintage car got in common?
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..
...
They both need to be started by hand!

If you think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys. But worst of all. The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up... Your life ain't that bad!

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?" She says, "What's that?" He says, "We go to my house and f**k, and then you disappear."