I agree.
No doubt he is facing lots of difficulties in life but with proper consultation with a therapist he could have avoided some critical mistakes he is still making.
[Journey] Towards A Stable Life Of Happiness.
- Thread starter Captaintj
- Start date
No doubt he is facing lots of difficulties in life but with proper consultation with a therapist he could have avoided some critical mistakes he is still making.
Captaintj
Regular Member
- Dec 28, 2018
- 315
- 209
Update 20 - 2.4 Years Later
Man, its been a while. I left BHW for a while, I dont remember why, I think I didnt find any benefit in this website, but somehow alot has happened in these last 2.4 years and i have been using BHW since 2-3 months now again, so I finally got the courage to actually write this.
These updates mean a lot for me and somehow I am always scared when i am writing them, somehow i judge myself for not reaching my goals or the destination, but I am getting older, so a bit of wisdom is starting to come.
I guess I need to bring everyone up to speed to what has happened in these last 2.4 years and where I am headed now. Firstly things first, some quick life updates.
Work & Personal Update Together In Sequence -
2024 ->
* Left my ex and felt low, but somehow life turned out good. Made friends and was learning to be alone again.
* Started to work hard and got self-employed, having my own company and the company was doing good, its a sports company where we teach Tennis and Padel. Doing that full time ever since.
* Was just enjoying life, while working super hard, business went down, lost almost everything, started from scratch... again.
* Family started to take care of themselves so i did not need to send them any money, which took it easy on me
* Probably the most stressful year of my life. I was on verge of bankruptcy and depression after everything went down... my best friend was there to support me and somehow I got lucky and it was fine.
2025 ->
* My sister got married in the first month of the year, very happy for her. They dont earn a lot of money, but they are happy together.
* In the same month I found a girl and we started to talk
* We chose to go for it, it was a traditional marriage, so we met eachother once and decided to get married.
* Got married November 2025.
* Amazing girl, I am very happy with her.
* Still just working in my company normal, paying off loans slowly.. still...
* Worked day and night this year.... but somehow I was happy because for the first time in my life I could take my own clients and had enough work.
2026 ->
* My wife lives in another country, so I travel to her in all holidays that i can. An amazing girl. We will stay apart for 1.5 years more atleast, need to finish my papers and also we both are trying to build a safe future.
* Started learning AI and started making my own products. Got a friend who is investing money and I am currently creating a AI employee for businesses. I spend really a lot of time learning everything there is about AI and building products and I am getting very good at it.
* Everything was good until.... her family went bankrupt and lost everything, so they are struggling, but still trying. I try to help as much as I can, touch wood, my family is ok for now, they are far away, but in healthy and my fathers work isnt struggling anymore.
* The marriage is hard... we try our best, but current circumstances make it hard, lets see.
What does my life look like now? ->
* I wake up, start working either on my company which provides food and shelter, all the accountancy or backend work.
* Then start doing work for the product I am building with my Investor friend.
* Go to work around 12 and work until late evening.
* Come home, eat dinner and in front of laptop again.
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*During holidays I am at my wife's place, where I try to do whatever I can with my laptop.
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Sharing how I feel, since this journey is about happiness I guess->
Its tough to share everything that has happened, as it has been a rollercoaster. I cannot share everything because it will be like writing a book. What I can say is that, life has kicked me enough, that I get hurt much less, maybe I am used to now, when life throws something at me. I have been through hard times and currently its also hard, but somehow I am becoming immune to things happening to me or in my environment more and more.
Before everything used to hurt me and I used to get panic attacks, now the anxiety is gone and I dont have those fears anymore that i used to. On the way I have lost myself, I have changed a lot, it is for the better but. I used to see life very differently before, kind of like a scared child, but full of imagination and dreams and love and full of emotions.
It is different now.... I just work. thats pretty much it... I dont have a lot of things that make me happy, maybe because I know work is the only thing that will help me survive and get financially stable one day. I open my eyes and work, before sleeping I work, weekends I work, weekdays I work, I work on holidays... always..... and I just hope one day it will be enough.
Marriage has been hard, she has a tough life of her own because of her family, I really dont know how it will be, I hope things will work out, the distance is a lot and problems too... but we are trying...
I miss home and my parents sometimes.... I have taken decision to leave home and try to build a better life for myself... but I wish to go home now for sometime... to just lay in my bed for a while, spend time with my parents and just be next to them.... I have taken this upon myself to get a better life, but that life makes me lonely. I am giving myself 1.5 - 2 years more of hard work and I hope then I can take decisions which I have been waiting for, which will give me peace.
I made some wrong decisions on the way, some right ones. I never knew what I was signing up for until it came. And honestly, I am done blaming myself for getting things not right. I am human and I always want the best for myself and if I mess up, I dont do it intentionally. I have 1 life and I cant go around being mad at myself.
My Dreams ->
* I wish that my hard work is paid off, the goal I have been after for the last 12 years... maybe I will achieve it in the next 1.5 years... I hope
* I wish that I am able to build and work remotely, my current business doesnt allow it, so I do my 9 to 5 and then I am trying to work with AI and build things, hoping I can work remotely....
* I wish to see my parents more often and this remote work, online income will help me see them more and more.
* I wish that my wife is able to join me when I wish to move one day, we come from different worlds and sometimes I feel it is working, sometimes not... Its hard and life changes so fast, so i am not trying to control anything, somehow i am just letting it go and just choosing to go after my goals and I hope everything will be fine, I cannot control another person and their wishes, I can just control myself and my actions.
* I wish to be so financially successful that I can take care of my wife and my family. That is the only thing stopping me from actually being next to both of them and that is the thing that will solve all my problems.
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I used to be this guy who really felt everything, I could feel the peace, I could to some extend find peace.... Now I am peaceful in general, but I dont feel anything. Somehow there is this strong guy in front of me, the older version, who doesnt know how to feel anymore.... but knows how to survive now...
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I know the journey to come will be hard. I will need to work 10 times harder than I am already... but I have no choice.... need to keep going until I reach my goal.
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I cant promise I will keep this regularly updated, maybe once in a while... I will be using BHW, maybe I start another journey soon.. who knows.. Until then.
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# Keeping the traditions
" Keep fighting.... every dog's day comes... yours will too.... "
" God rewards those who are worthy and try hard even in the darkest hours... Keep trying.... someday it will all make sense."
~ Captaintj
