My first sales page.. looking for some advice

[ash1ey]

Well Im (hopefully) almost ready to start selling my very own info product on clickbank. This is my first real attempt at a sales page and I have done everything myself so far. I've sold my own other products in the past but generally paid people to do the sales copy and graphics etc.

Looking for somae thoughts/advice/comments on what you guys think. Please be as harsh as you feel necessary if you have something constructive to say. I know its not the best attempt.

Really want to get everything ready to do some testing on adwords before I try and tempt some affiliates in to promoting it.

Thanks in advance guys!

http://www.foolXproofXmoneyXmachine.com (remove the X's)

 

[ash1ey]

Well its slowly getting better....

Nobody have any comments?

 

[coxie]

it looks okay to me mate, I'm not the most clued up sales pages but it doesn't look too bad at all

 

[Erik Creed]

the "as seen on" images at the top are too small, make them larger.

 

[Webbers UX]

As Seen On..... should be bigger, so people see it!

Try to get video testimonials, or at least a video showing your proof (videos help!)

 

[GhostVision]

sale page is too short...add more bonuses and video testimonials from fiverr.

 

[ash1ey]

Thanks the for replies guys!

 

[ash1ey]

um with these videos from fiverr.. whats the legality of using them? Will i need the contact details for the people that make them?

Everything on there at the minute is all real and verifiable, wanna try keep it that way.

 

[xthoms]

Personally, perhaps due to my experience in IM, I do not find these sites very attractive. They're too vague promising me the world by almost doing nothing.. but if it converts, then I guess it's good. I would also pay some people to make a video review that they post on youtube to create some credibility. Nd i would like these sales pages to give a better introduction to the product, but again, i dont know what converts the best

 

[ash1ey]

They're too vague promising me the world by almost doing nothing..

This is exactly what I am trying to avoid. In the long run people will just ask for a refund when they see their not getting what they had originally been promised.

It's tough tho because hyping your product up does help to convert.

 

[xthoms]

Well it seems like what ure selling is a guide that teaches u how to set up a micro niche site and then earn money with it from either adsense or clickbank. Why not in 3 lines explain what the different things are like.

Make money when people visit your website! What?! You don't have a website yet? This ebook teaches you how to find a niche and make it a passive money maker! It is so fool-proof, that I let my 11-year-old try it, and he started earning HARD CASH within 4 weeks. You'll learn how to 1) Make a website, 2) Generate traffic and 3) This traffic will convert to money either by clicking ads or buying a product. No wonder so many people turn to money-making online.

 

[ash1ey]

I have another testimonial to put on as well now. One from a friend who has a business website that I ranked in G for him. Should help a little i guess.

Also xthoms thanks! you've given me some more ideas.

 

[skohh]

I write copy. don't worry about the fivrr testimonials for now. I'm going to look at the salespage now.

 

[skohh]

I would take out the top hook where it says they are "too busy" It's just reinforcing the fact that they might object, because after all they may be thinking they are too busy..

Then.. I would use this headline.. if it were me.

"Finally! A 32 Year Old Stay At Home Mom From An Underground Mastermind Group Spills All Of Her Candy On How You Too Can Make Money From Your Kitchen Table - With Nothing More Than An Internet Connection And Only Two Hours A Day"
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And...Best Of All You Can Start Right Now...With These Simple To Use little-Known Cash Sucking Secrets Not Known To the Public. You Too can go on to finally say, "I'm my own boss."

Now that's what I would do, You could work with the highlighted red text, I highlighted it because maybe you wouldn't want to use - stay at home mom. You could also say your a truck driver, or construction worker.. Just be a little more specific.. add more curiosity and you'll be off to making some nice $$. hope that helps. I would write more but I just can't at the moment.. Need to focus on my own cash suckingness.
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[ash1ey]

I would take out the top hook where it says they are "too busy" It's just reinforcing the fact that they might object, because after all they may be thinking they are too busy..

Then.. I would use this headline.. if it were me.

"Finally! A 32 Year Old Stay At Home Mom From An Underground Mastermind Group Spills All Of Her Candy On How You Too Can Make Money From Your Kitchen Table - With Nothing More Than An Internet Connection In As Little As Two Hours A Day"
​

And...Best Of All You Can Start Right Now...With These Simple To Use little-Known Cash Sucking Secrets Not Known To the Public. You Too can go on to finally say, "I'm my own boss."

Now that's what I would do, You could work with the highlighted red text, I highlighted it because maybe you wouldn't want to use - stay at home mom. You could also say your a truck driver, or construction worker.. Just be a little more specific.. add more curiosity and you'll be off to making some nice $$. hope that helps. I would write more but I just can't at the moment.. Need to focus on my own cash suckingness.
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Thanks for your reply. The headline has been pointed out to me that it pretty much sucks by someone at Warrior forums. The pretty much confirmed what you wrote here.

Working on a new headline and lead now

Thanks again.

 

[skohh]

No Problem. I post over there too, helping thousands of people get rich on the internet...Let me know what you do. Thanks

 

[bikerboy]

Congrats man for taking the huge action into developing your own product and doing everything by yourself.

I understand you completely because I've gone through the same route, except promoting it at ClickBank.

I'll look into your salespage soon.

To be honest, back when I had started, my salespage sucked till the max and conversion rates were below 1%.

I'll come back soon to contribute to you. Brb.

 

[Psikilla]

Anyone else seeing an "account suspended" page?

 

[scararm]

why this account is suspended ?
anyone know why?

 

[neo3187]

looks like u 4got 2 pay ur hosting bill