Hi Buddy,
Problem)
Your brain is designed to stop you from anything unknown and potentially dangerous.
If you received a heavy punch in head, your whole brain and body will take stress and damage.
Brain is saving this and the next time you receive this kind of punch, equally or more strong:
Brain will calculate and stay ON or shut systems down, make you to lose consciousness, in order to protect your inner body and functions.
Similar system applies on everything else, including thoughts. Whenever you decide to do something new, unknown, or of value, you end up being fucked up, because your expectations are terrible. You wanted it fast and now, or simply, you can't see the results quickly, or you don't know what to do exactly and you have to eliminate your own or other ideas, statements, to move up to somewhere. That boosts the depression and brain will stop you from doing it.
You are still unhappy and depressed, but brain is additionally helping this to remain, as you are self-harmed for sure when you start something new and fail. So brain is actually reducing the damage. It is weird, but your character helps a lot in this. It is mix of birth date with the whole life of yours, so unique. This not applies to everybody, but also not holds forever. It is your choice. To play a game against your own mind, and win.
Easier said than done. You will find lot of ideas in IM, and as more you read, the worse. Better try to decide and pick them 1 by 1 until you see the traffic going on. If you see traffic, you will see $, you can see a lot of $$$$. If you can make only $1, that means that you can make any amount. The only thing between $1 and $1M is your lazy mind and your character along with your habits.
Beside this story, I want to add this too.
You are not worthless for a few of your close family members, but in reality, you are, and it's a fact.
Every single human life is WORTH, it is for me, but in reality, it is often just a garbage that needs to be buried at some point, as faster, as better. You can die, and life moves on, your GF will find BF, everything goes on, life and time can't stop.
You have competition everywhere, relationships, business, sports, life is a fucking competition.
Competition, like everything else, have it's own + and -. It can be healthy, but often it is unhealthy.
I am more than sure, that local people around you already see you down. They laugh if anybody even mentions you. You are crazy, lost, loser, another random, failed at life. If not today, you will be tomorrow. Hey, congratulations, you earned it on your own.
When you become able to eat everything that life throws at you, and keep moving, just a little bit forward,
you will see that things are not flat. Life is always moving, up and down, just like the heart ticking.
If you can stay motivated when everything is down, you are always on top.
Good luck.
