Sell my Dandruff product - Just Approved

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dabosh

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I've read a lot of copy writing people put their headlines in quotation marks. I forget the science of it, but it's supposed to convert and grab people's attention more. I would add something more sensational I guess to the headline. Like "...all natural methods of treatment and finally cured his dandruff forever!" Sure, it's interesting that you found an all natural treatment, but it's grabbing if you cured dandruff for life

I would also move the first line of the paragraph so that it starts below the picture of you. Either than or move the whole paragraph so it's indented next to the picture. It would just look cleaner

The other thing is the last bonus. It doesn't jive that the other books are valued at 20-30 while that's valued at 0. That's fine and all, but don't highlight it in yellow and say "valued at $0." What the heck's the point if it has no value? :)

Lastly I would redo the ebook cover. Make it a smiling, pretty girl or something equally as cheezy. When they see the dandruff, it's kind of a turnoff. If you instead show the ebook of a happy person, the prospect equates your book with "happy" or "problem solved." People also tend to trust pretty people for no other reason than they're good looking.

Also I think I would get rid of the "As seen on" bar, but that's just my input

Other than that, it looks good. The copy writing is solid and really drives how much of a problem that pesky dandruff really is and why you need to get rid of it right now! I liked it
 
im not a fan of the long sales letter. I would also create a short , very sharp sales page.

are males or females your main target? im guessing its males, so you need some sexy chicks, sex sells baby :)

then do split testing and see whch converts better.
 
Haha no way (as in amazing/shocked)! I developed a site meant just for dandruff cures! I'll definitely promote it...beats Itchy Scalp Home Remedies or w/e that crappy product is.
 
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As a copywriter I have written hundreds of top converting sales copies. In order to help you improve your sales copy I would suggest you the following steps so that you may be able to grab the attention of your visitors in a better way.

1- Headline:

You must re-work your headline and add something that shocks the people upon their first look.

2- Sun-heading:

Add a promise and hope for them so that the may not leave your website in sheer disappointment after reading the shocking headline. Your sub heading will encourage them to read more about your program.
3- Font:

You must use arial font. My tests have shown this font holds the attention of the reader than any other font. On your sales letter,font varies from paragraph to paragraph that has an annoying effect on the eyes.

4- Misuse of Yellow & Red Colors:

I am sorry to say you have not used both these highly effective colors. You must use red color in the headline and then whenever you make a call to action to the people. But you have profusely used yellow and red colors without any planning.
5- Length of the Sales Letter:

Short and crisp sales letters convert better.These days people don't have much time to stay for a long time on a website. Your headline, subheading as well as first few paragraphs play a very important role in their decision making whether to make a purchase or just navigate away from that website. So try to shorten your sales letter a bit.

6-Testimonials:

Testimonials are very effective in triggering the decision making abilities of the prospect. Well written, keyword rich testimonials not only get extra search engine traffic but also boos the confidence of the visitors to make a purchase now and then. On your sales letter, back ground color doesn't fit and makes them heavy on eyes. In my opinion white back ground would look better and make your sales letter more attractive and buyer friendly.

7- Your Targeted Audience:

You must mention your targeted audience in the sales letter. You are a male and telling your secrets in the ebook. So you must make in clear in the letter whether your secrets will also work for women or not.
 
P.s I would appreciate any input concerning the sales page - Overall it looks good but the black and white photo of you (if it's you) looks kinda spooky, like the head is floating in space with no body attached. It should be dermatologists not dermatologist in the headline surely. Naturalists carcinogens too. Scour is spelled as scouer, methodsthat needs a space, everyhting ? Lots of other spacing mistakes too, You really need to run the text through MS word spellchecker. The bullets don't line up with the text in Firefox and the capitalization is very inconsistent.
 
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speaking of that black and white photo ... if you include:

align="left"

with your image code, it'll blend in and wrap nicely with your 1st paragraph.

Code: 
<img title="dandruff"
     style="WIDTH: 86px; HEIGHT: 105px"
     alt="dandruff"
     src="http://www.blackhatworld.com/blackhat-seo/images/photo_5835_20090417.jpg"
     border="0" [B]align="left"[/B]>
 
schmedes2 said:
I've read a lot of copy writing people put their headlines in quotation marks. I forget the science of it, but it's supposed to convert and grab people's attention more.
Click to expand...

Have you an example of this please?
 
imatrix said:
Something that you can do is to become an advertiser at some Directtrack powered CPA network. If your offer is good and payout is good as I see, You can talk to your advertiser relationship officer to broker the offer to other partner directtrack networks. This way you will get a lot of exposure.

iMatrix
Click to expand...

would you mind explaining this some more?
 
wow, so it looks like I have a lot to fix...thanks for all your input
 
Therookie said:
Have you an example of this please?
Click to expand...
Nothing off hand. I've read through a few copywriting books found here and most of them have the typical "Use discover instead of find out, etc" and most say use quotations in headlines.
 
Quotations are used in headlines (from what I've heard) to show it's a quote. :)

Seriously though - people pay more attention to quotes as it appears that it's coming from an independent third party and as such can be trusted more than the person selling the product.

Also "Discover" is used as it implies less work that "Find out" and other similar phrases. If the wording implies that the user will recieve something with no, or extremely little effort they are more likely to pay attention and convert.

Just think about it and it makes sense - to "Discover" something gives you mental images of a magical curtain being drawn back and the benefit being delivered to them effortlessly.
 
OK I will put quotes in my ebook coming out thanks for the tip
 
Now this is a thread. A guy asks a question to get some feedback and people go above and beyond to help him out. I honestly have nothing else to add to the constuctive criticism but kudos to the people who spent some time helping dabosh (and me for future projects) with some great tips and tricks. This is why I keep coming back to this place.
 
alright so I made the changes and was wondering if the ebook cover should be redone as suggested by "schmedes2"?
 
It could probably do with some touch ups.

Also look at getting an image done with your ebook and all the bonuses in 1 image - it will create a bigger impression.
 
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