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Would you review my sales page? (Rep + Thanks for you)

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by subster, Feb 24, 2010.

  1. subster

    subster Elite Member

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    Hi there,

    i just thought to ask you for reviewing my sales page.
    I just pushed so much work and money in it, and i don't have any objective view on it anymore, so i need your suggestions to improve and tweak it.

    Please don't hesitate with your critics. Thanks in advance.

    Code:
    http://downloadbeatz.com
     
  2. nodoubtgq79

    nodoubtgq79 Junior Member

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    are you going to promote this with paid traffic or search engine organic?

    you spelled SUCCEED wrong in your title tag

    i would suggest you check the rest of the spelling :)
     
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  3. Dark Knight

    Dark Knight Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Very impressive now go and promote this site :) good luck
     
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  4. theprofitpro

    theprofitpro Junior Member

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    Price is wrong too "$7,83 / Beat!" Should be . period not ,comma. You did this many times check it over.

    Still looking it over. I will let you know if I see more.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  5. kayzne

    kayzne Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Personally, I think that's the wrong way to go about selling beats. Words won't sell them, the music will. They aren't info products, it's music. google "buy beats", "rap beats", And you'll see how you should do it.

    A couple other things:

    • Spell Check
    • Video is too big.
     
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  6. rudeprincess

    rudeprincess Junior Member

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    Definitely fix the commas in the price.
    Too much room in between points of each package.
    Spelling is too much. I understand your selling beats but misspelling words constantly is a bit much.
    The nerd subtracts from the message.
    Background should be music related.
     
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  7. Silencer

    Silencer Senior Member

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    You should have a beat playing in the background. Something simple but catchy.

    Yea a few spelling mistakes such as the pricing.
     
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  8. Simplex

    Simplex Registered Member

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    As a copywriter I would definitely put samples of the music on the page, not having them is a big mistake. Also, I'd look into a different way to sell the multiple options (maybe as up sells) because if you give people too many options the way you are, most people will get confused and buy none.
     
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  9. subster

    subster Elite Member

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    First i want to thank you all! Very good tips at all till now.
    I'll doublecheck the spelling, change the commas and the size of the video.

    I do avoid an automatic player because many usability test have shown that the most people are disturbed by that and also it will conflict with the players which are embedded into each packages.

    @ Simplex didn't you see all the players to each package? I had the same thought that the offers are to much at all, but i did run into a lack of ideas how to present them all on a single site, each with its own player in a better overview. Any ideas?
     
  10. twix70

    twix70 Regular Member

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    First I like the header, thats good. You need to check the spelling and punctuation. The boxes with the offers in are good as well. I am not sure about the use of red and yellow on the white background, in one or two areas the red is a little hard to read. I think you might want to cut down on the wordage, there is a lot to read. Saying all that it is a nice site and this is only my personal veiw point.
    I hope this helps!:)
     
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  11. enrikole

    enrikole BANNED BANNED Premium Member

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    People have said stuff, so I am not going to repeat them..

    "The one who holds you attention is the one who commands you" Thats pretty much the first thing one needs to know about copywriting and sales pages.

    I think copy is good, when you start getting money in, consider paying a good copywriter to improve it. I am sure your conversions will be much better.

    Second thing, is that in my opinion that banner on the top is actually distracting. Its a bit complicating. And I think that
    is the attention crabber so that is how the letter page should begin. Graphics really dont serve much purpose. They do when it comes to explaining stuff , but you shouldnt have them, just to have one :)

    Something like 80% will not start reading below the fold, so if you would remove the banner and get the main text higher , you would be able to move the video higher as well, so that they will see immediately that there is a video and that would add some motivation to browse below the fold.

    These are just few thought that popped in my head:)
     
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  12. dietbird

    dietbird Junior Member

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    1) The beats are great, but I really didn't see that there is an audio clip for each package until you mentioned.

    2) Try list thing with bullets, it looks a lot neater.

    3) Can't you replace the "nerd" with a "rapper" or "DJ" or something?

    4) If you can list the different packages close together so that it's clearly seen what's in one package and what's in the other, it would be helpful.

    Once a great marketer was hired by a watch company to make an advert for their products. The owner wanted 8 watches in the ad, the marketer said that one would be a much better choice; They did both; The ad with the single watch outsold the multiple watch ad 6 (six) times.
     
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  13. designsonline

    designsonline Power Member

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    The text after the video in the top half of the page is too much, and too bunched together.

    It need to be spaced out more to make it easier on the eye to read.
    Also the text is all over the place and looks messy and badly laid out. You need to align it.

    Take a look at some of the successful sales pages, and you will notice that they draw the
    reader down the page towards the sign up button. This is what you want to do too, so space
    the text out more and draw the reader down the page.
     
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  14. grinding

    grinding Registered Member

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    Hey, great job on the site. With the fact you're open to critique, im sure you will do well with it.

    While I don't want to copy what other already mentioned, I'd still let you know what i agree with from my point of view to emphasize their arguments:

    +Size of video is too big
    +If I were looking to buy beats, i'd definitely expect some samples to make a buying decision. This is crucial imo. At least 5 (30 seconds?) of your beats.

    Just an idea: Maybe you could make/find a flash music player for the sample clips, that looks like an equalizer, and when the 30 second clip is over, the equalizer fades to a message like "Click here to buy" - which then takes the user to the sign-up page.

    All the best!
     
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  15. designsonline

    designsonline Power Member

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    Just add a layer of sound to the samples that says your website address or something...
    That way you wont have to worry about people pinching them...
     
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  16. subster

    subster Elite Member

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    Thank you all so much!
    And that some people don't see that there is already a player there shows me that i have to push it much more into the foreground.

    All your constructive critic is very appreciated.
    @designonline: What do you mean with "pinching them" - i don't understand at all. Thank you for explanation.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  17. KraftyKyle

    KraftyKyle Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I haven't really read the other posts so hopefully I'm not just repeating other people, but the thing that stands out to me is it's sooo red right when the page loads up. I don't especially like the moving light underneath the headergraphic, I guess it's ok. Maybe change the color. I also would not have the border red, as it doesn't look good to me. Maybe just not have a red border and just leave the white. I would put the "download beats" in a better font, maybe more bold/bubble font. going down... I would definitely make the video a lot smaller. I can barely fit the whole thing on my screen and I have pretty high resolution, which means other people might not be able to see it all. It would also make the "graphics" look better in the video to make it smaller. Then I would change the font. It's too old fashion and hard to read for my liking, maybe you disagree. Then when you talk about the package contents, there's too much white space there. If you need any more help or need my opinion again, just pm me. :)
     
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  18. catapult copy

    catapult copy Registered Member

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    Okay dude here are some thing to test:

    I would highly recomend doing away with copy and selling will video only! You will get way more sales. Just use powerpoint and record. Video has worked well for me and still out does long copy. We are even now using short copy to get people online and watching video - as this seems to do way better than sending long copy letter in the mail.

    So here is some things to test on current page

    Try bring in your margins - about 25px - video a bit smaller - all headlines and subhead need to be bold - try breaking up the main body of content with more subheads and could add bullets....needs to be more benefit driven. - A good touch up on the close may help, I think you would be better to clearly layout what people are going to get (what's in it for me).What you could do is have single order button and upsell on order page to larger package etc. I would remove the gray writing as well - try another color

    But like all copy - TEST - TEST - TEST...you will find it is an accumulation of small things tested one by one that will make the difference and increase ya conversions.

    I like the use of laungauge - spelling is no real biggy like people like to make out. My biggest grossong salesletter has been up for over 5 years and still sells like clockwork and is full of spelling mistakes. While I did correct a few main ones it did not make any different to sales.
     
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  19. aмillionaírе

    aмillionaírе Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Code:
    http://downloadbeatz.com/
    1. You snagged a good domain. +1
    2. The font is too spaced-out, it looks diseased -1
    3. Too much capitalized words -1
    4. "To Buy and Succeed" in the HTML title is unnecessary -1
    5. Too much hype before the demo -1
    6. Nobody wants to know what your name is, what you like, etc, too much reading -3
    7. You have the nerd.png image more than 7 times, too repetitive -7
    8. Font size and repetition extends scrolling to the point of exhaustion -1
    9. The flashing white thing on the red thing looks like a carnival, unprofessional -1
    10. The sales letter could do without all of the "..." in it, it induces impatience and anxiety -1

    Conclusion: With all of the negatives pointed out your visitors will never have the patience to reach the buy now button. Even if they do, the unprofessional odour the site gives off will discourage them from purchasing. The only thing going for you is the beat, but you could optimize the page so much more. I don't think its entirely your fault, you're an internet marketer and the guru-esque sales letter rubbed off on you, in turn applying it where it doesn't belong. For your niche, I don't think people search to "buy and succeed". You're trying to coverage too much on one page. Don't make a mountain out of a designated mole. I recommend you partition certain areas of the page into multiple DHTML properties, where the inquiring visitor would not be forced to read boredom. The font is hideous and if the inquiring visitor agrees, they would assume you lack professionalism. A light grey spaced out all-capitalized header text on a white background is tantamount to unprocessed filth.

    You get a big fat F, but now you know what's wrong ;)
     
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    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  20. CallItLikeIseeIt

    CallItLikeIseeIt BANNED BANNED

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    the yellow highlighting really kind of loses its effect if you over use it... if you're using it for emphasis, try and focus on exactly what needs emphasizing
     
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