Woman I volunteer with wants me to ring her son to tell him about marketing...awkward.

I forgot that the other problem with being too detailed about the work you do, besides totally boring people and/or causing them to glaze over, is them getting super interested and wanting you to give them free unsolicited training.

It had been so long since I had been in common contact with people, due to lockdowns, that I was rusty with these things and forgot to be conservative about how I discuss my work.

So a woman I recently started volunteering with seemed quite interested in what I do and I was innocently reeling off quite a few of the particulars of IM. Suddenly out of the blue she said that is the same thing my son does, you could ring him and tell him some stuff. Also it isn't like we know each other well. I only started this role a couple of weeks ago. If we had been talking for a long time it would seem a more reasonable ask but to ask someone you just recently met to ring your son to give him coaching is quite an ask.

I tried to be polite and say like 'Oh I don't know if it is relevant to other people as what I would do is very specific' yet she was not taking the hint and kept on like 'it will not be any competition for you and I think it would be good for him to know what other ways there are to do this kind of work'. It was awkward. I just stopped speaking about it then and I guided the convo away from it and let other people into the discussion to also move it away.

I will be more careful now. It reminds me of another time a few years ago when I said jokingly 'I am an internet spammer' on a group walk and quite a few people overheard it and turned there heads and for the rest of the walk I had people approaching me asking me about it.

I think in future I will just say 'programmer' rather than 'marketer' as no-one wants to know more about that usually. Programming just bores anyone who doesn't already do it although sometimes people still may ask for advice which is fine as long as they don't suddenly want free coaching like this lady.

How to gracefully tell her I don't want to if she brings it up again?

I politely said, "No thanks, Mrs. Bezos. I don't really have time to talk to your son about marketing"

RRunner said:

I politely said, "No thanks, Mrs. Bezos. I don't really have time to talk to your son about marketing"

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What I think I will do, if she brings it up again, is just say I do not want to do anything more work related and I started the volunteer work to get me away from working, which is totally true.

Lol just tell her to fuck off or something... Make an excuse, tell her that you don't have time for that or some sh!t

I tell them I am into IT consulting

Tell her to get a Jr VIP for her son on BHW. He'll learn everything here.

Tell her that you signed an NDA and can't go into details

I tell people that I'm a web designer

Pavan Teja 1 said:

Tell her to get a Jr VIP for her son on BHW. He'll learn everything here.

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I actually did tell her 'I learned it all on forums online which he can look up. There is much more information there than I can give him' then she says 'I know but it is better if someone tells you things directly in person'.

Tell her to PAY you per hour to coach her son ok?

So people aren't really volunteering, but spying on what others do...so they can do it too. Yeah, that's why I don't like volunteering.

Tell her what you do is highly secretive and you'll have to kill anyone after telling what is it exactly that you do.

I suspect the son will find it just as awkward to get a random call from a guy his mum knows

What’s wrong with just phoning the lad? You’re not being asked to be his teacher for the next 3 years.

You’ll be surprised, a discussion can be beneficial both ways. It’s easy to develop a I know everything attitude when you probably don’t.

20 minutes on the phone isn’t a lot of time, share a few things and make him and his mum happy. Plus you never know what he will do in the future. One day he may repay your small amount of help with much more in return.

Just tell her that you're busy with some shit or whatever.

I also think its a bit invasive when ppl do this kind of stuff.

i thought I was reading a brazzers script

Steptoe said:

I suspect the son will find it just as awkward to get a random call from a guy his mum knows

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I thought that too not to mention embarrasing. I would absolutely hate if my mum tried to 'set me up' with something like that.

Politely tell her to fuck off.

I was thinking it is weird how people just feel entitled for free advice and consultation from you when they know you are in this profession.

I doubt they would ask lawyers or doctors to ring them for free legal or medical advice.

stoat said:

Tell her that you signed an NDA and can't go into details

I tell people that I'm a web designer

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I tried your way but people started asking 'teach me how to create a website'. Lol.

clock said:

What’s wrong with just phoning the lad? You’re not being asked to be his teacher for the next 3 years.

You’ll be surprised, a discussion can be beneficial both ways. It’s easy to develop a I know everything attitude when you probably don’t.

20 minutes on the phone isn’t a lot of time, share a few things and make him and his mum happy. Plus you never know what he will do in the future. One day he may repay your small amount of help with much more in return.

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What if the son just like his mom, keep contact OP for ideas afterwards? Some people just want to get favours, so before knowing about that person, giving an idea or sharing what you do may cost more your time.

alternatesword said:

I tried your way but people started asking 'teach me how to create a website'. Lol.


What if the son just like his mom, keep contact OP for ideas afterwards? Some people just want to get favours, so before knowing about that person, giving an idea or sharing what you do may cost more your time.

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So what? It doesn’t take much time does it. Alternatively you can always say I’ve told you all that I know now.