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Will it Sell? Review my service and sales pitch

Discussion in 'Black Hat SEO' started by sadekjake, Feb 2, 2014.

  1. sadekjake

    sadekjake Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I have prepared the sales pitch of the service I am going to launch in a few days. This is not for the BHW forum - will be offered at Warrior Forum and Traffic Planet. Will you please take a look at this sales pitch and let me know your opinion? I hate to launch it before taking outsider opinions - and you are some of the best people to comment on this.

    If you could also provide in depth criticisms about the design, SEO aspects, market demand, etc that would be great. I want to see what you think about this service as a whole, if there is any special issue I should improve on, and whether you think it will sell.

    I have attached the sales pitch as an attachment.

    6.jpg
     
  2. Internet-Marketer

    Internet-Marketer Junior Member

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    This is a tiny image, cannot read properly.
     
  3. Vesania

    Vesania Regular Member

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    [​IMG]

    Need bigger pic for judgement
     
  4. Asif WILSON Khan

    Asif WILSON Khan Executive VIP Premium Member

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  5. sadekjake

    sadekjake Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Sorry I attached a large image but apparently it got shrunk don't know why :|

    [​IMG]
     

    Attached Files:

    • 6a.jpg
      6a.jpg
      File size:
      18.5 KB
      Views:
      5
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2014
  6. macdonjo3

    macdonjo3 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Still font is too small. Image should be widened.

    Edit: I didn't even get to reading the copy but telling by the comments below, I guess the whole thing needs work.
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2014
  7. Duffers5000

    Duffers5000 Elite Member

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    You need to get a writer to write your sales copy, as thats incredibly poor.

    As its a mostly writing service the poor flow and clunkiness of the written words you have presented would put 99% of serious buyers off even if you were cheap, which I'm afraid youre not.

    You must have used the word "Content" one hundred times, tell your writer to use a thesaurus.

    Sorry but that needs a lot of work.

    Edit: And I meant to add. I wouldnt buy a service off anyone that uses "Shit"}{"Crappy" or any such language in their sales pitch. Im a rough Irishman with a mouth like a sailor but when I go to work I am 100% professional and would expect the same in return.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 2, 2014
  8. igniteimages

    igniteimages Regular Member

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    Sorry - not clear enough and poor graphic design
     
  9. Asif WILSON Khan

    Asif WILSON Khan Executive VIP Premium Member

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    It looks a bit of a mess TBH and doesn't read well. Bad sign for a content provider/article writer.
     
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  10. netmoney1

    netmoney1 Executive VIP

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    Man, get that thing handled by a professional. So many grammar mistakes and you are selling "super articles"?

    The sales page is all over the place.

    Honestly, I couldn't even read through the different packages. This is the first impression potential buyers are going to get...wouldn't you want good content? I would work on creating "super sales copy"...
     
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  11. nshunz

    nshunz Junior Member

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    First of all, you'll need to widen the layout. Secondly the design itself has to be improved, the part having the white background looks good IMHO, once it goes down it starts looking messy.

    The packages section looks terrible, a whole lot of content looks cramped in a tiny space.
     
  12. nethead01

    nethead01 Regular Member

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    i agree with the above poster, you should just consider this your rough draft
     
  13. user001

    user001 Junior Member

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    I simply wouldn't buy anything from that sales pitch. You need to redo the whole thing
     
  14. sadekjake

    sadekjake Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I am not the article writer - the writing part is outsourced by a professional. My pitch sucks though. And I had never designed a sales page before and right now I see I suck in it too. :(

    Thank you for being very clear. I will get a professional copywriter.
     
  15. IamNRE

    IamNRE Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Like others have said, terrible copy and the foul language is off putting. Design is meh... good start but needs more work.

    BTW, what da heck is s super article? You are writing 3 niche related articles then putting them together and calling it a super article? :p
     
  16. Laubster

    Laubster Senior Member Premium Member

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    Def needs some work. Doesn't do anything to stand out from the other content providers on these SEO forums. All that stuff about "Modules" at the bottom is ugly and makes it confusing. Design could be better, but your copy is what will make or break this project. Def. hire a copywriter, and if you can find one who knows SEO and what people on blackhat forums are looking for.
     
  17. testdrive

    testdrive Regular Member

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    In all honesty, its a pain to read. You really need to get someone to make your sales copy.

    Just use yours as basis then let the pro do the graphics and sales letter.

    BTW, Did you design it with MS Paint?
     
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    Last edited: Feb 2, 2014
  18. maheshsingh

    maheshsingh Junior Member

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    I am of the minority opinion here but I think it looks decent. Not as bad as people are making it sound.

    Professional copywriter may help

    I think you should not be offering 4 levels of service. 2 levels should have most people covered.

    Too many options confuse people to the point of indecision and you WILL lose sales.
     
  19. funkybunker

    funkybunker Supreme Member

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    Even if you must wait, great content is worth it. Take your time to hire a professional designer and sales-copy writer. Combined they'll be worth the funds because your goal is to earn $$$$+ back from it.
    I'm also tired of the boring designs we've seen lately.
     
  20. Panther28

    Panther28 Elite Member

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    your price points are project goofball too.