I really only study two things these days: How to get girls. How to make money online. Over the past few months, I've noticed these two topics are A LOT more similar than you might think. Hence, I present to you: Why Google is just like a Bitch Bitches fuck with your head. Google fucks with your head. Bitches put you in the "friend zone". Google puts you in the sandbox. Bitches test you when you least expect it. Google tests you when you least expect it. Bitches don't know what they want half the time. No single person at Google knows the entire PageRank algorithm. Sometimes bitches run around sharing love, and sometimes they choose one special guy. Sometimes Google runs around sharing love, and sometimes they rank one special website. Bitches slap you. Google slaps you. Once you finally succeed in getting the bitch, you'll just be out the next day trying to get a different one. Once you finally succeed in getting one website in Google's first position, you'll just be out the next day trying to rank another site. (See also: The Coolidge Effect http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect) You can read books about bitches until your eyes pop out, and you'll still never understand them. You can read books about Google until your eyes pop out, and you'll still never understand it. Here is a song about Google written by Billy Joel. (I was a bit surprised to learn that he was into Internet Marketing too): She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes She can ruin your faith with her casual lies And she only reveals what she wants you to see She hides like a child, but she's always a GOOGLE to me She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you She can ask for the truth, but she'll never believe you And she'll take what you give her as long it's free Yeah, She steals like a thief, but she's always a GOOGLE to me Ohhh... she takes care of herself She can wait if she wants, she's ahead of her time Ohhh... and she never gives out And she never gives in, she just changes her mind And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a GOOGLE to me She's frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree And the most she will do is throw shadows at you, But she's always a GOOGLE to me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v4IBSnK8bY So true... So true... Well, now that I have about 50 failed relationships and 50 failed websites under my belt, I must say that I think there are indeed many corollaries between bitches and Google. Louann Brizendine wrote: "...the female brain is so deeply affected by hormones that their influence can be said to create a woman's reality. They can shape a woman's values and desires, and tell her, day to day, what's important. Their presence is felt at every stage of life, right from birth. Each hormone stateâ€”girlhood, the adolescent years, the dating years, motherhood, and menopauseâ€”acts as fertilizer for different neurological connections that are responsible for new thoughts, emotions, and interests. Because of the fluctuations that begin as early as three months old and last until after menopause, a woman's neurological reality is not as constant as a man's. His is like a mountain that is worn away imperceptibly over the millennia by glaciers, weather, and the deep tectonic movements of the earth. Hers is more like the weather itselfâ€”constantly changing and hard to predict." (Dr. Louann Brizendine," The Female Brain", Page 3.) So what's a man to do? Well as the great actor Joe Pesci said (In that shitty fucking film that no one saw called 'With Honors') "If a woman is willing to give you her love, it's the greatest gift in the world." ah yes... "If a Google is willing to give you her love, it's the greatest gift in the world." And so what's the moral here? "Women and Google! Can't Live With Em, Can't Live Without Em." Or perhaps this is a better ending: "The moral at the end of that story is this: 'Men are jerks. Women are psychotic.'" - Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake Or perhaps this is a better ending: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oVvFyBic_4 Whatever. I'm going back to my bitch people. (er... back to work) Peace out bitches.