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Who is good at COPYWRITING!?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by SpellZ, Mar 2, 2010.

  1. SpellZ

    SpellZ Regular Member

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    I wrote a Sales Letter to a company and I want somebody to read it over and see if they think 'this' kind of style is okay, etc. I wanted to keep it really 'human' and not sound like it was a copy/pasted message.

    In any case, if you're interested, just post here and I'll send you a PM. It'll have the letter and the website that I want to send that letter to.

    Thanks a lot guys.

    P.S. I know there will be people who JUST want to see it without giving any advice back.. Umm.. I guess it's fine as well. But even writing, "Keep working on it" or, "I would change a bit here and there" would be more then enough.

    Thank you so much.
     
  2. catapult copy

    catapult copy Registered Member

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    Yeah dude will have a look at it for you! Just make sure you have some info on ya targeted audience...
     
  3. SpellZ

    SpellZ Regular Member

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    Umm.. well here it is..

    Target market is people between 19-25 who go to nightclubs

    No clue, but here it is LOL

    It sucks I know, but I don't know how to make it better

    to:
     
  4. jgg23

    jgg23 Newbie

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    Honestly i think u should just avoid the email totally and go and talk to them in person (phone call if u have to). You'll have a much better chance of making a sale... you could even bring in visuals and make a nice presentation that you could show all your potential customers.

    since ur in TEEDOT i think clubzone is gonna be ur main competition, so if you want to be successful you have to provide a better service, price, and overall the better company.

    I'm doing the almost same type of thing so best of luck... dont forget to hook me up with the vip bottle service.. haha good luck bro
     
  5. SpellZ

    SpellZ Regular Member

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    But what do I say when I come in?

    "How can I talk to the manger, I believe we have a service that will boost your clientele"
     
  6. SpellZ

    SpellZ Regular Member

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    P.S. Clubzone is the least of my worries LOL
    There are 2 (and sometimes the 3rd one pops up) FAAR more serious competitors then clubzone. and the top 2 are royally dominating the target in both forums, ads, and pictures LOL

    but... yee-- I got a few ideas (don't well all?)
     
  7. jgg23

    jgg23 Newbie

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    I would set up a little meeting with the owner, even taking him out for coffee so he'll feel comfortable.. have from small talk then from their I would ask him what he knows about the online scene... then kinda transition the convo about your service. Just believe in your product, stay professional, be that different guy who actually wants to help out the other business.. u know be above the competition.
     
  8. BlackArcher

    BlackArcher Registered Member

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    I'm not an expert in copywriting, but just my 2 cents on what works with my clients.

    "Sell the sizzle, not the steak" I always go with this axiom in copywriting and advertising.

    Perhaps you can highlight the following points:
    1. What is/are the BENEFIT(S) to the client if he signs up with you
    2. What is/are the one(or many) thing(s) that make(s) you stand out from your competitors
    3. What can the client expect from signing up from your service?
    4. Why you?

    A good and strong opening in you email and subject line will attract his/her attention.
    e.g. "Would you like your business to be seen by X amount of people everyday?"
    or
    "Bringing X amount of people to you everyday"
    (provided you have the stats of the visitors to your blog)

    I'll sell on these: How much traffic can your blog provide to the client or how many sales (if you are confident with the conversion rate)

    You can also try Problem-Solution method.
    Problem - Not enough exposure? Need more traffic? Need more leads? Sales?
    Solution - We provide blah blah blah...

    Think in terms of what a business owner will need to make his or her business thrive, more sales, less hassle, profit, ROI...etc
    Use Keywords that Emphasize the BENEFITS.

    In the end, Call to Action!
    Instead of saying "I know you guys are superbusy...etc"

    Give them an offer they can't refuse- "I know how busy you can be, so I want to take just 10 minutes of your time (over coffee) to show you how my service/system can help to bring your business to new heights. Just 10 minutes of your time...if at the end of the 10 minutes you don't find that what I've just shared is useful, no obligation, no problem, coffee is on me...etc"

    If what you are providing is of value to them (make sure you deliver what you promise), then the 10 minutes will automatically be extended until they sign the deal.

    The tone of your email have to be concise and precise, with no room for them to dilly dally. It can be friendly and conversation like, but you got to show that you know your stuff and this service can benefit them. Make them want to come to you, instead of you wanting to request for an audience with them.

    HTH.

    All the best.
    Let me know how it goes.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2010
  9. SpellZ

    SpellZ Regular Member

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    @BlackArcher

    Wow! That was insane! Thank you so much for the long reply!
    Yeah, I printed actually what you wrote, took down some notes and will go over it again for sure!

    Also, should I show the client any statistics? Or not until the meeting?
     
  10. SpellZ

    SpellZ Regular Member

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    Okay, so I wrote a new one. Who want to see it?
     
  11. Action Copy

    Action Copy Newbie

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    Hey SpellZ,
    When you're writing a letter there are a few things you want to remember.

    First, What's in it for the prospect that you are writing the letter to. Or "WIIFM" . They want to know what they are going to get ou of this. More money, save time more this, less that, you have to spell it ou for them. It's all about the benefits for them... not the features.

    Also, " I know you guys are super busy... so if you have a few minutes next week...". No way man, you want to be positioning yourself like... this guy needs to be calling you, because your the guy that is going to get his club loaded with the type of people he wants.

    And this...

    - Your banner will be displayed...
    - You will get weekly blog updates...

    ... All Features My Friend. We want Benefits. What happens when you do all that stuff for him.

    Write down all the features and all the benefits and hit'm with the benefits.

    I really hope this has helped you. And yes I want to see the new piece that you wrote.

    -Brett