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What do you guys think about this letter?

Discussion in 'White Hat SEO' started by Flex1, Jul 23, 2014.

  1. Flex1

    Flex1 Regular Member Premium Member

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    I tried a simple version of 7878's method where you send out letters to different businesses and try and get them to higher you pretty much. Well his was with ORM and I don't really do that, so I tailored the letter to be more about Local SEO. Anyways, it's been around 4 days since I sent out those letters and I haven't heard anything back. I was just wondering what you guys think about my letter and what changes I should make to it. I will be sending out another batch, but I don't want to do it till I get some other people opinons.

     
  2. PHPInjected

    PHPInjected Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Over all it is good copy, but I think you should rephrase the first sentence "I'm going to get straight to the point". I have had more negative responses than positive when saying that. Yes, I have tested that exact phrase (as I am sure every sales man has once or twice).
     
  3. dbk03

    dbk03 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    It works. A small suggestion: try to add some examples of each of your prospects'competition websites. Point the fact that the competition is ranking pretty well while your prospects aren't.
    It involves more work, but the results should be even better.
     
  4. Oz0102

    Oz0102 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Your letter seems good but i suggest you don't even mention costs in your letters. Point our the problem and make them see you have the solution. Put up your contact details. Should any of the business owners call you, then you can book an appointment to talk about the details and costs or simply do that by email.
    regards
     
  5. Duffers5000

    Duffers5000 Elite Member

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    I get twenty plus generic "I can help you with your SEO" emails/letters a week.... They all get binned.

    Put more effort into targeting the company and give them facts.

    Tell them how many searches monthly are made for their key terms.

    Tell them how in the modern age the % of traffic that can come from those searches. Emphasize mobile stats

    Show them where they currently rank. i.e you currently rank place 23 for city}{term which equals 25 searches monthly. If for example with our help you could be on position 5 of page 1 you would get 2000 hits.

    We can get you those results and can show you portfolio, examples that we have achieved.

    Try to address decision makers...its not usually hard to find.

    Good targeted SEO leads are more important than sending out thousands of generic letters.
     
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  6. Trepanated

    Trepanated Supreme Member

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    I would personalize the email more.

    Take a minute to find out the business owner's name and the full business name and use them in the email. It will make a difference.

    Also, get yourself a landline number and use that instead of your mobile number - it is much more business-like and will give you more credibility.
     
  7. seolistprovider

    seolistprovider Newbie

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    Looks good, how many have you sent out so far? May be try making the recommended changes here and send out another batch to a different group to see what happens.
     
  8. Flex1

    Flex1 Regular Member Premium Member

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    I sent out only 30, and yeah I have a few more left so I'm going to make those changes to the letter and send those out. Hopefully I get better results.
     
  9. SEO Power

    SEO Power Elite Member

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    Change that line. it sounds ridiculous.

    No offense, but I ditch emails under this category as soon as they are received
     
  10. jamesjk1

    jamesjk1 Senior Member

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    "Your website was not on the first page of Google when I searched for {business niche} in {CITY, STATE} and that is very bad."

    I really dislike this as it reads somewhat childish, saying it's very bad, and does not convey professionalism. Something like this would be better: "From a targeted keyword search, I notice your website is not displayed on the first page of Google, costing you prospective clients and sales."

    Just my 2 cents.
     
  11. Laubster

    Laubster Senior Member Premium Member

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    Take this as constructive criticism, but it's BAD. I used the 7878 method and have made an incredible ROI using direct mail ($1,000/week reputation mgmt. right now). I can tell you 100% this letter is trash. Spend at least 100 hours studying copywriting (only study the greats like Gary Halbert, John Carlton, Dan Kennedy, etc.), write at least 10 letters and trash them all. Then you'll have something worth mailing out. Seriously, I'm not saying this to put you down. I'm trying to save you heartbreak here.
     
  12. slipperflip

    slipperflip Registered Member

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    You might also consider testing it on mturk. We do a lot of testing there for various copy and it has been quite helpful. It's pretty cheap too.
     
  13. keywordspot

    keywordspot Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Looks Good. Change your email subject like "Conversion".
     
  14. Creative9

    Creative9 Junior Member

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    Good copy, test it and see if it works.