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[Tutorial] How to Bullshit your way to selling SEO services! (Number 8 will surprise you)

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Reeshua, Dec 20, 2014.

  1. Reeshua

    Reeshua Power Member

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    Hello friends! Today I am going to show you how to bullshit your way to selling SEO services! I've been a lurker here for a while and decided to share some wisdom to all of you. Bullshitting your way to internet riches is quite easy - if you know how to pull it off.

    The more recent your sales page (or BST or website) the better. We're not talking about using the most recent design trends, mind you. We're talking about recent MOVIES! The more recent the movie, the catchier your service is. Who the heck cares about the quality of your SEO anyway (hint: no one, at least until their site tanks)? If the movie is a hit, your SEO probably will be too. "The Babadook SEO: Scare Google With Our Penguin Proof SEO!" sounds pretty convincing to me.

    Go all out. Nothing says dedication than going all out on your sales page's design! You like this completely unrelated anime character, huh? Use it! Oh, how about this sparkly neon pattern thingy? That looks hip and modern, so you could probably paste it beside Matt's cropped face. That would be funny. He he he...

    The general rule is, the more stuff you put in your sales page, the better. It kinda distracts them from the stuff that really matters, you know.

    You don't need to be perfect. Proofreading? That's just a waste of time. Misspellings and wrong grammar are a-okay! No one reads your entire BST anyway. Just make sure you get the price right, because that's where they often look.

    Jargons are good. When you're bullshitting your way to internet monies, make sure to put in as much jargon as you can. You can also try using self-important words such as "integration" or any word with -tion for that matter. And don't forget to insert "optimization" wherever possible because that like, the most important word. Nuff said.

    Discounts are eternal. Always put discounts on your packages even if they're really not. Try putting a crossed out "Was: $297", followed by a bigger "now: $35" below. Customers will surely be lining up to your awesomeness in no time. They wouldn't miss your limited offer for the world!

    An exciting twist: Can't keep up with the competition? Offer a discount to attract customers! Release 10 copies with a 20% discount. After those have been availed of, release 10 more with 20% discount still. Rinse and repeat.

    Guarantees are great. Guarantee page 1 rankings within 3-4 weeks. That's what customers (who know nothing about SEO, by the way) want, right? So give it to them! If in case you fail and your client did not reach the first page or worse, get penalized, say that Google is an unpredictable bastard and the only way to overcome such adversity is to continue with your SEO campaign.
     
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    Last edited: Dec 20, 2014
  2. abhi007

    abhi007 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    typical warrior forum material :( nothing new tbh.........
     
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  3. zagard

    zagard Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    :1: Day 42, still looking for the #8
     
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  4. Aluminium

    Aluminium Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    So you're telling people to GUARANTEE first page results and then when they can't deliver to just say "yeah, that's Google for ya!".

    Sounds a little absurd OP, if that happened to me I would probably ask for my money back lol.
     
  5. sidnettwo

    sidnettwo Junior Member

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    I think this may have missed, op, but I liked it.
     
  6. netmoney1

    netmoney1 Executive VIP

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    This made me laugh...especially the sales page design lol

    I think the easiest way to get a winning design is to just find out what Michael Bay's most recent movie was - because his movies have it all. Ridiculous plots and movies that are 86% explosions.

    For anyone planning on releasing a SEO service in 2015, here are some themes - jump on them before someone else does:

    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Nut-Nights

    Nut-Nights Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Its complete Bullshit :D
     
  8. everythingred

    everythingred Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Try BHW because that's the marketplace now. It's a joke how many services there are, each one with a copyrighted movie name, all of them will destroy my competitors, they are all discounted if you ask for one in the thread which bumps it, and they all have long annoying sales images.
     
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  9. Techxan

    Techxan Elite Member

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    <RANT>

    Don't forget that when someone actually calls you on your crap to act indignant, accuse them of being a liar, and threaten the sites you just worked on for them. Tell them that you do quality because when you say it it becomes true (in your world), what the hell do they now from just looking at the work you did? That always makes them want to be a repeat customer

    Remember that saying you use native speakers who know what they are doing doesn't really mean you have to do that, because most of your customers aren't from that language anyway and can't tell quality from dog do do.

    What I really enjoy is getting that high quality backlink from a PR 5 domain and when you look at the domain and see it is a spamy ad filled link farm. Should you thank them for the link you now get to disavow, they say things like "Its a PR 6", "Its Alexa rating is XX,XXX", and "what do you want for $X?."

    Motherfucker, I want what you told me you were going to give me for the money agreed on. If you underbid then you need to adjust your pricing. If you think a spamed to death site site is quality because it has a PR6, a metric that has not been updated for so long that REAL SEO's do not even pay attention to it, then you can't tell the magna carta from used toilet paper.

    And doesn't everyone enjoy paying for a video for their business and getting a fiver testimonial. I am so happy that I could help you keep your overhead down. And that Asian chick who can barely enunciate English and keeps looking at her notes as she stumbles over the company name, that is REAL quality right there. You can tell she lives in Southern California...I can't tell, but someone could...if they were not from the US maybe.. I especially like how her testimnial is enhanced when the video stops and shows all her other testimonials. THAT REALLY helps the credibility of that review.

    Don't worry about all that source material I sent over about the company, all the written content and captioned pictures, I was just bored that day and had a spare couple hours, and when I asked for a video about my company, I meant a review anyway.

    And the "press release" I can't say enough good things about it, literally. I know you advertised that the press release would be written and distributed to news aggregators and written by native speaking professionals. But when I paid for that what I really wanted was a 300 spun article placed on a press release website. Its at least English sentences, huh? What do I expect for $XX?

    Who really wants all the attention that a press release brings in the first place? Its much better to have the attention from Google about those new links. I was bored and doing disavows anyway.

    And thanks for distributing the video for me in a bunch of accounts I have no control over, you know the one with the Asian chick that YOU DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT LETTING ME PREVIEW.

    Like I said, I was spending this coming week doing disavows anyhow. Maybe I should just change the domain name and save myself time. That's what you do, right, just get a new domain name. Yeah, I'll call the customer and see if he can change his company name and website. He won't mind.

    You know what REALLY CHAPS MY ASS? The first job you did was superb, and I know you can do the quality work, you just won't and still want the same money.

    </RANT>

    If everyone who bought a BST had someone from the country they are targeting read the content and tell them the truth about how good or bad it is, half the BST's on this forum would disappear in a week due to refunds. Yuo want to know why your sites don't rank despite all the BST's you buy? tha's the reason right there. The quality isn't good enough. Ask any average citizen of the country to look at your site and tell you the truth. No one can write for an audience unless they are immersed in that culture. PERIOD.

    People are leaving great reviews because they do not know better. You cannot trust reviews from newbies and people who do not live in the country you are targeting.

    And the instant someone makes even an implied threat against their customer they should be banned.



     
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    Last edited: Dec 20, 2014
  10. hmeister

    hmeister BANNED BANNED

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    Well said. The number of post about SEO services on here is now getting ridiculous. There was a new one today (and I'm honestly not picking on these guys - it just so happens that I saw it come up today) and their English was shit.

    No problem with that but if you are targeting an English speaking nation/user base, then get someone to proof read your copy.

    Also, there needs to be some sort of ranking system or something which determines how good a service is. I saw one thread today about a link to a download where people were saying 'great, thank you OP', when just a few posts before that people were saying the link was down and it was!

    Obviously commenting without looking at it.
     
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  11. Xp3r7

    Xp3r7 Regular Member

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    And worst part is that 90% of the sellers here follow these steps. Fake discounts, fake promises and even more bullshit when they can't deliver what they've guaranteed.
     
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  12. Arditkallaba

    Arditkallaba Registered Member

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    Be upfront what you are selling, and why every fucking marketer who uses SEO need your service. And you will see sales - selling empty promises leaves you no good. Do the job properly, set your customers need before yours - and you will see both customers and money will come running into your bank account.
     
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  13. mickyfu

    mickyfu Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Just sell secret sauce and show graphs of websites moving from 9999 to above Google Ads in a day, and you will get the gullible to buy, and believe me the internet is ram -packed with the most gullible of people.
     
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  14. M4XW3LL

    M4XW3LL Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    or above google search bar lol
     
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  15. ShadeDream

    ShadeDream Elite Member

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    Dude WTF is #8? I feel like punching you for wasting my time. I came here for #8 and I see no numbers.

    Freaking scammer, can't believe BHW allows this bullshit.

    It's like posting about ass but not showing ass.

    [​IMG]

    You've got to be true to your word!
     
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  16. netmoney1

    netmoney1 Executive VIP

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    What are you selling? Because I'm buying.

    Marketing 101: Ass sells.
     
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  17. t0mmy

    t0mmy Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP

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    Content is king.. back links is queen.. authority sites are the future.. #1 on Google for $3 (I've seen this in a banner here yesterday ffs).. build mooaarrr links.. BST flopped to crying clients? - Fuccck it just shut up shop and open another one.. scale it up bros!!
     
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    Last edited: Dec 20, 2014
  18. Spawn

    Spawn BANNED BANNED Jr. VIP

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    Finally someone calls this bullshit out, thanks op
     
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  19. Pawepek

    Pawepek Registered Member

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    A lot of people here says WSO's are bullshit. Honestly, I think BST's are the same kind of BS.
     
  20. msuper28

    msuper28 Power Member

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    I think some clients would notice this in the long run, if a client doesn't know nothing about SEO, he can just study some SEO tutorials and know your game.. also I prefer to give clients high quality works rather then using these "techniques", if all clients are happy and know your work ethic is good, you'll get more clients and more money!