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The Ultimate Putdown

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by The Scarlet Pimp, Feb 6, 2009.

  1. The Scarlet Pimp

    The Scarlet Pimp Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Occupation:
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    Ever reeeeaaaaalllllly wanna tell someone off?
    Use this handy guide! :D

    ---

    You swine! You vulgar little maggot! Don't you know that you're
    pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, I'll
    bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were
    written on the heel.

    You're a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a
    lawyer than be seen with you.

    You're a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You're an
    obnoxious and depraved degenerate and I feel debased just for
    knowing that you exist. I despise everything about you.

    You're a bloody nadless newbie twit proto-hominid chromosomally
    aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum
    and I wish you would go away and die.

    You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit puddle. You're a
    spineless little worm deserving of nothing but the profoundest
    contempt. You're a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument
    to stupidity. You're a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour
    lemon.

    You're a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared
    richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged
    birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to
    nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired
    you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had
    done.

    I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same
    species as you. You're a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf
    at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper
    cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than
    nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And
    did I mention you smell?

    If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class effort at
    simulating one. Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material
    before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence
    that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but
    they will be able to access it more rapidly.

    You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up,
    drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set
    you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with
    the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the
    queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

    You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy,
    squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a
    fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't
    have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for
    attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

    And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important
    statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us?
    What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your
    tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a
    leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the
    bite of the snake?

    You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous
    and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a
    living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile.
    You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling
    meat slapper.

    On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are
    deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality
    of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and
    benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread
    misery and sorrow wherever you go.

    I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard
    stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it
    goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different
    dimension of stupid.

    You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on
    itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid
    gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid.
    Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid
    in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar
    stupid.

    Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps, this
    is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid.
    Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else
    as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.

    I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.
    After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't
    have enough strength left to deride your ignorant half-baked
    comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this
    drivel.

    The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. True, these
    are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for
    granted and that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we
    sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this
    world who find these simple things more difficult.

    I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social
    struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

    You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful,
    cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome,
    despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible,
    criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious,
    tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant,
    deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine,
    conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious,
    splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful,
    destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist,
    narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic,
    idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive,
    controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy,
    weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim,
    unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive,
    aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant,
    self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless,
    and generally, No Good!

    That means you can go fly a kite and take a long walk off a short
    pier. And, while we are at it, you're one brick shy of a load,
    you aren't operating with a full deck, you're out to sea without
    a rudder or a sail, you're dimwitted, you're not the sharpest
    tool in the shed, nor are you even the sharpest knife in the
    drawer, and you're not the brightest bulb in the box, either.

    You don't have both oars in the water. You are a couple
    sandwiches shy of a picnic, a few beers short of a six pack, and
    a few beans short of a burrito. You have a few too many lights
    out on your Christmas tree. You have had a few too many tackles
    without a helmet. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

    It's hard to believe you beat 100,000 other sperm. Your elevator
    doesn't go all the way to the top floor, and you're one fry short
    of a Happy Meal. You are playing a guitar with no strings. The
    gates are down, and the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
    coming, and you are a crazy ignoramus who has absolutely no
    respect for anyone.

    Get a life!
     
  2. djedje70

    djedje70 Regular Member

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    none of ur fr#$%ing biz dude!!!
    Have you met my ex???
     
  3. viewsonic

    viewsonic Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Thats my ex on a good day