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The Perfect Retirement Plan!

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by The Scarlet Pimp, Jun 17, 2009.

  1. The Scarlet Pimp

    The Scarlet Pimp Senior Member

    Apr 2, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Chair moistener.
    This is both funny and true!


    About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the
    western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner.

    At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone
    along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room.

    I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc.,
    all seemed very familiar with this lady.

    I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that
    she owned the line, but he said he only knew that
    she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

    As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello.
    We chatted and I said,
    "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises".
    She replied, "Yes, that's true."
    I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause,
    "It's cheaper than a nursing home".

    When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.
    The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day.
    I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term
    discount and senior discount price of $135 per day.
    That leaves $65 a day for:

    1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

    2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle
    to the restaurant, or I can have room service
    (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

    3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room,
    free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

    4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

    5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient.
    An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

    6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

    7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing?
    Need to have the mattress replaced?
    No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize
    for your inconvenience.

    8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and
    you don't even have to ask for them.

    9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare;
    if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you
    to a suite for the rest of your life.

    Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia,
    New Zealand, Asia?

    Princess will have a ship ready to go.
    So don't look for me in a nursing home.

    And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
  2. SpazzyMcSpazz

    SpazzyMcSpazz Regular Member

    Apr 20, 2009
    Likes Received:
    That last one really sells it.
  3. asoduk

    asoduk Registered Member

    Feb 5, 2009
    Likes Received:
    i've often thought about this, but at all inclusive resorts. in certain areas you could even hop from resort to resort. i had always figured about $1000/week for the highest level of resort.
  4. photoads

    photoads Regular Member

    Jan 16, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Brilliant shes one smart old dear .... nice share