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The Egg

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Sherbert Hoover, Apr 25, 2016.

  1. Sherbert Hoover

    Sherbert Hoover Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP

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    The Egg
    By: Andy Weir

    You were on your way home when you died.

    It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

    And that?s when you met me.

    ?What? what happened?? You asked. ?Where am I??

    ?You died,? I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

    ?There was a? a truck and it was skidding??

    ?Yup,? I said.

    ?I? I died??

    ?Yup. But don?t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,? I said.

    You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. ?What is this place?? You asked. ?Is this the afterlife??

    ?More or less,? I said.

    ?Are you god?? You asked.

    ?Yup,? I replied. ?I?m God.?

    ?My kids? my wife,? you said.

    ?What about them??

    ?Will they be all right??

    ?That?s what I like to see,? I said. ?You just died and your main concern is for your family. That?s good stuff right there.?

    You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn?t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

    ?Don?t worry,? I said. ?They?ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn?t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it?s any consolation, she?ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.?

    ?Oh,? you said. ?So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something??

    ?Neither,? I said. ?You?ll be reincarnated.?

    ?Ah,? you said. ?So the Hindus were right,?

    ?All religions are right in their own way,? I said. ?Walk with me.?

    You followed along as we strode through the void. ?Where are we going??

    ?Nowhere in particular,? I said. ?It?s just nice to walk while we talk.?

    ?So what?s the point, then?? You asked. ?When I get reborn, I?ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won?t matter.?

    ?Not so!? I said. ?You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don?t remember them right now.?

    I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. ?Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It?s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it?s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you?ve gained all the experiences it had.

    ?You?ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven?t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you?d start remembering everything. But there?s no point to doing that between each life.?

    ?How many times have I been reincarnated, then??

    ?Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.? I said. ?This time around, you?ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.?

    ?Wait, what?? You stammered. ?You?re sending me back in time??

    ?Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.?

    ?Where you come from?? You said.

    ?Oh sure,? I explained ?I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you?ll want to know what it?s like there, but honestly you wouldn?t understand.?

    ?Oh,? you said, a little let down. ?But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.?

    ?Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don?t even know it?s happening.?

    ?So what?s the point of it all??

    ?Seriously?? I asked. ?Seriously? You?re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn?t that a little stereotypical??

    ?Well it?s a reasonable question,? you persisted.

    I looked you in the eye. ?The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.?

    ?You mean mankind? You want us to mature??

    ?No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.?

    ?Just me? What about everyone else??

    ?There is no one else,? I said. ?In this universe, there?s just you and me.?

    You stared blankly at me. ?But all the people on earth??

    ?All you. Different incarnations of you.?

    ?Wait. I?m everyone!??

    ?Now you?re getting it,? I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

    ?I?m every human being who ever lived??

    ?Or who will ever live, yes.?

    ?I?m Abraham Lincoln??

    ?And you?re John Wilkes Booth, too,? I added.

    ?I?m Hitler?? You said, appalled.

    ?And you?re the millions he killed.?

    ?I?m Jesus??

    ?And you?re everyone who followed him.?

    You fell silent.

    ?Every time you victimized someone,? I said, ?you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you?ve done, you?ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.?

    You thought for a long time.

    ?Why?? You asked me. ?Why do all this??

    ?Because someday, you will become like me. Because that?s what you are. You?re one of my kind. You?re my child.?

    ?Whoa,? you said, incredulous. ?You mean I?m a god??

    ?No. Not yet. You?re a fetus. You?re still growing. Once you?ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.?

    ?So the whole universe,? you said, ?it?s just??

    ?An egg.? I answered. ?Now it?s time for you to move on to your next life.?

    And I sent you on your way.
     
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  2. Jiung

    Jiung Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Do you really have this much time on your hands...
     
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  3. PHPInjected

    PHPInjected Elite Member

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    Not gonna lie, I rather enjoyed the concept.
     
  4. onelettershor

    onelettershor Supreme Member

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    Eggstraordinary
    How Eggs cellent
     
  5. CashMoneyMantra

    CashMoneyMantra Registered Member

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    Or he's fucking with you and it's a poetic justice hell.
     
  6. Zwielicht

    Zwielicht Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    The Stylistics were right! You are everything, and everything is you!

    I now understand their song!
     
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    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2016
  7. mudbutt

    mudbutt Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP

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    i was expecting a yolk, but didn't crack up at all
     
  8. ChanzGrande

    ChanzGrande Elite Member

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    Forces me to find this storyteller, and extract whatever imagined wisdom he may have remaining. Nothing beats a great story, and that sure was one. Damn, I'm a good writer.
     
  9. rabbitking

    rabbitking Elite Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  10. MoneyEagle

    MoneyEagle Regular Member

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    Super Awesome Concept. There should be movies based on this.

    Thanks Sherbert for sharing this story.

    Edit: Found this :-
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2016
  11. WebTG

    WebTG Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    It's a very popular story, I read this two years back.

    For some guys who don't know, Andy Weir is the same person who wrote"The Martian" which was nominated for Oscar.
     
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  12. K.H.R

    K.H.R Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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  13. Ste Fishkin

    Ste Fishkin BANNED BANNED

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    Did pewep get high and tell you to post this?
     
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  14. CashMoneyMantra

    CashMoneyMantra Registered Member

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    You're watching it right now, it's called "Your life and the life of every other person that ever has or will live".

    It's a long one, with lots of pointless filler and hopelessly played out tropes, but there's a bit with cocaine and hookers that doesn't get old.
     
  15. SEMWORLD

    SEMWORLD BANNED BANNED

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    Hi! rabbitking,
    Why have you shared the omelet !!!! :) Feeling jealous... Please parcel me single piece:) :)
    [​IMG]
     
  16. SEMWORLD

    SEMWORLD BANNED BANNED

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    Hi! mate, Why have you shared these egg omelet!! :) Feeling jealous...... Please parcel me single piece.
     
  17. CashMoneyMantra

    CashMoneyMantra Registered Member

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    This is not an omelette, omelettes are scrambled and set into a pancake. What you're looking at here is what I think they call in America 'sunny side up'. I don't even know what we call them in Britain, they're the standard way of cooking eggs so we call them eggs.

    Also if you've got some left over chips (e: freedom fries), chuck them on the omelette mix! Chipzy mayai!
     
  18. nimdekvan

    nimdekvan Junior Member

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    sound so much fun...and boring after thinking carefully.
     
  19. Neon

    Neon BANNED BANNED Jr. VIP

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    I'm out.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2016
  20. Aty

    Aty Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    I like my eggs poached.

    [​IMG]
     
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