Last week I was helping out a couple of my older relatives who have a hoarding problem pack up their house. It was a pretty mundane job and involved all of the usual "pack or trash" decisions you would expect in just about any move. Everything was ostensibly normal, until Saturday that is... On Saturday, I was in charge of packing up the master bedroom. All of it was going well until I had to pack up the contents of the 10-foot-high homemade desk, which was ready to topple over at any moment. This homemade desk contained over a decades' worth of wires attached to devices and other untold horrors. Because of the way everything was haphazardly thrown in the desk's compartments over the years, I unfortunately pulled the wrong wire, and that's when disaster struck; all of the sudden porn cassettes, wires, and electronics flooded out of the shelves. I found myself hanging on to the bottom shelf until the waterfall of porno flicks subsided. After I recovered, I collected the porn videos and placed them in a separate corner of the room until I could organise them while my cousin searched around the desk for stray items that didn't belong with the electronics or skin flicks. As my cousin was sifting through the wreckage, he suddenly fled the room in disgust. When I walked over to the desk, I saw a dirty cylindrical object lightly sprinkled in a dried, red substance. Upon closer inspection, I realised it was an old dirty vibrator with bits of dried blood on it. Bewildered about how I should handle packing it, I put on a pair of latex gloves that were conveniently near the skin flicks and began dissecting "the device", which revealed a solitary battery covered in dried battery acid and quite possibly a bit of blood. I put it back together and placed the vibrator with the skin flicks and other objects I found with the skin flicks. After taking a look at the hand-written titles, I realised that I had stumbled upon several of their homemade VHS pornos, many of which involved their previous neighbours (I didn't watch them, one of their sons and his buddies watched a couple of the videos the last time they moved until he realised the "porn stars" were his parents in an orgy). I neatly packed everything into a box and left it in their old garage for them to place in their U-Haul. So there you have it. That was how my weekend went, so how was yours?